Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives I chose the road less traveled by #31

I will add it to mine too. Hopefully it will be scratched off someday. It would be so embarrassing for someone to find it unchecked after I have passed on.

kat

So it's on your bucket list as well eh?

LOl. You are so funny!

I survived my lunch and as my Dad dropped me off he gave me a small lecture but said he didn't want any rebuttals. Just listen. He takes this as his failure in raising me to not be respectful enough. He said he expects no one to drive my car but me since he cosigned.

As for my birthday, you don't order the most expensive thing when someone else is paying. Again his failure in teaching me. He said he has to look at it this way or he wouldn't be around for birthdays and what not.

I didn't say anything since he told me not to. Of course I disagree but whatever. I didn't do anything wrong. If he hadn't been on the title I wouldn't have said anything. He didn't say anything about the scrapes on the fender, maybe he didn't notice or thought I already had it fixed.

So my 25 cents of bad for the 75 cents of good. I know that he hates that I am not overly strict with my kids but I will be damned if they will grow up scared of me and wishing I would have some sort of accident.(I don't think that way now but when I was a teen I did).

Ok vent over. I really am a nice person and a good person too.

kat

WOW! That is incredible kat! I can't imagine my mom or dad doing that so it's hard to relate. It just seems so petty to me. Glad you have learned how to deal with it and move on from it. Good girl!

*sigh* Well, glad it wasn't too much of an ordeal.

Unfortunately there's not much you can say about the car thing since he did co-sign. Hopefully you can get the car all in your name soon.

I have to roll my eyes about the birthday thing though lol. Oh well.

Hopefully it's all water under the bridge now.

In about 4 years it will be all mine! You know it is funny everyone can see what a cool guy my Dad is but they don't see this hurtful side. It has never been easy to deal with, usually I am not in trouble and I am building the peace bridge.

I still feel like a kid around him instead of this 46 year old shell I drag around. My kids are great. Yes they have moments but I have gone so far out of my way to not be my Dad, that they are really close to me. I am really close to my parents now(perhaps too close Karen would say) but I wasn't close at all to my Dad while I was growing up. I really didn't like him.

But parenting is really an experiment. You add what you can and the child's personality is thrown in too. You might be aiming for creme brulee but end up with custard instead.

kat

If your father expects no one else to drive the car, that's quite a bit impractical, especially with teenagers in the household. If he wants to insist on it -- which it would be unwise for him to, but does so anyway -- then perhaps he needs to come up with an alternative plan, like getting a cheaper car for younger drivers to use. Then you're dealing with more added expenses like insurance and the like, but what else can you do? Kids today in our culture have to get to places and there's no practical way around it.

But the point is that your father has his priorities skewed, and he should know better. I am sorry for you, Kat, but you're probably just going to have to humor him and love him for all his quills. I think we all have at least one thorny relative that we have to tolerate even while we love them.

The thing is, when S17 was learning to drive last year all we had running was my new car. Even though I never came out and told him , C is driving my car, you would have had to be dense to not know. I was teaching him, I took him out for a drive, a lesson. I said all of those things. Perhaps it is now that he has my old 82 buick to drive my Dad doesn't think he should drive anything else. By the way S17 is paying my Dad for all the parts he bought to get the car running. Dad won't take anything for labor.

At least he didn't hurt my feelings enough to make me cry. He has done that before even while I have been at work. I think he is losing it a bit but this is the sort of stuff he does with me. Emotional and mind games to hurt me. First time I have been able to say to myself the H*ll with that and not cry. We didn't do anything that we shouldn't have. The dinner thing on my birthday, S17 didn't order the most expensive thing. Maybe he should have asked my Dad first and then my Dad could have clearly said yes or no rather than being as clear as a glass of milk.

kat

You have grown much wisdom Grasshopper! You are able to recognize the triggers your father did before which made you emotional and you now have the more appropriat IDGAF attitude. Sometimes it is easiest to just tolerate difficult people. Like water falling off a ducks back.

My step-mom says insensitive stuff that makes many people cringe. I have learned to just tolerate it without countering back.

Well, kat, I think your dad is wrong, on both counts!

He cosigned, but as long as you are paying, I don't see that he really has a lot of room to complain. At some level, he does have a financial interest in the car, but as long as you are insured, that's pretty much protected. I think he might be a little bit of a control freak.

As far as dinner goes, when you take someone out for their birthday, you'd better be prepared for them to order pretty much anything on the menu! You don't offer a gift, and then expect them to just "know" what you really want to offer. I think it's a lot more his problem than yours.