Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Husband left me 3 months pregnant... (continued)

Thanks gatsby and lotus! I know its going be tough and emotional and a long journey but I'm ready for it! The risk is soooo worth the reward.

I feel like we have both changed. For the better...
We get to start our relationship all over... And with the proper counseling I'm hoping we come through this stronger and closer than before!

Yippeee! Not to be rude, but are you two affectionate at all yet? Just wondering.

And you haven't pushed the relationship or brought it up in a long time, eh? BRAVO!!!!! Interesting to see him come closer to you. I agree to be aware of his tendency to chase but how about this angle:

perhaps he is drawn to a non clingy, no pressure, independent confident BD. So you don't want to suddenly go back to bad behaviors that pushed him away, right?

It's like dieting...if you lose the weight from eating less but then start eating again when you get the weight off, well DUH! It's a lifestyle change like they say (although build in time to splurge like you build in time to talk about your R through dating)

Affectionate as in hugging, caressing, sweet kisses... Yes.
Affectionate as in sex... No. Lol.

H has to work really hard to get me now

I told H we are starting from scratch... And taking things slow. Right now he is courting me, and he will have to ask me on dates, and eventually ask me to marry him all over again! We laughed... And agreed.

We are enjoying each others company and learning a lot about each other. Its really fun...

you earned your way to piecing! Start a thread in that forum and we'll come find you!!

Babydoll,

What's new? Thinks still going strong?

Piano, hi! Things on my end have been pretty great. H asked om a "date" last night.heehe

He been very helpful with the baby. Much more affectionate in terms hugging amd kissing. We are starting MC in october and both IC as well. I'll giv you brief points, I'm half asleep as I am typin.

+ we both said we are scared but H said only bcits the unknown not bc he doesn't think we will work.
+ said he will dedicate his life to repairing our M
+ talks about moving back hom but I suggested and he agreed, we wait and see what the MC suggests. Also I basically said unless you come back and sleep in OUR bed, and as my husband only, I don't think you should rush back.
+we basically are dating! Kind of fun
+lots of future talk
+my sister is getting married in the caribbean in the spring, H was invited, and booked the trip for me, himself and bub! (Haha lve the word piano, so I'm borrowing it )
+basically says he felt distant and withdrawn he thinks due to school and studies, having isolated himself from everything to be a better student.
+says he wants moe children and wants to start living the life he and I always dreamed of.
+ baby's christening is scheduled for oct 10 and H said he is happy our families will see us together
+ told me ILY. Said his feelings are growing and knoWs someday he will love me more than ever did
+ we talked about how our old M was just that... OLD. And that we are starting from scratch... Building new dreams.
+there are times I wish I could just snap my fingers and it would be 100% back to normal, but I understand its a long process.
+ when H comes up to me and wraps his arms around me and hugs me, it feels like my old H stepped off his spaceship and came back to reality.

One thing is that we both have been very honest about our feelings, the good, the bad, even the ugly ones. H answers a lot of my questions, and says he is very sad and hurt by what he did and how he left, and wished he stayed. Says that why he feels IC would be good for him, so he learns to deal with pressure and the ups and downs of marriage. Funny enough, he remembers a lot of the things I've said along the way about Ms and how they are fixable and the stages of M etc. So we're taking baby steps. And it feels good.

Sorry I haven't been around much I do read all of your threads still jusst that by th time I read and catch up I have no time to post. Will try though. Baby is beautiful anf happy and is eating and sleeps throu the nigh thank God!

I feel happy. Happier than I did for a long time. I am very realistic of the long hard journey that is ahead for me, but it is so worth it!

I need to start a new thread in piecing, just haven't had the time!

BD- sounds great! I hope you get a good MC!

I'll save you the time of looking at my thread:
1)I started teaching my 1st graders last week. I have a really tough kid and I inadvertently offended the parents of another kid TWICE on Friday

2)I went out to a meet up for single parents, met another female friend but no guy, and drank too much but luckily didn't do anything stupid (they have photos of me drinking--kinda tacky)

3)haven't heard from zoobrew since his random text last Saturday

4)stbxh didn't bring OW to meet his mom and he didn't bring his mom over to his house.

I lost more weight from working 24-7!!!!AND IT IS HARD being a single working mom.

It is refreshing to see your sitch is working out!

Good updates, both of you!
So great to hear a good news story, BD! I think we could all benefit from reading about the piecing back together of your M in more detail as it unfolds, so try to find the time! I know it's hard with a new bub, lol! (I'm glad you like "bub". Is it commonly used in the US? Wondering if it is a 'localism', though I doubt it!).

Do you ever have doubts BD about your H? I mean, even if it's 1%. I don't mean to be negative just imagine that would be "normal" in the piecing journey...

Also wondering if you have moments when you realised that you romanticised your M? I think G, NM and I have sometimes thought that we were idealising the old M... Does that happen from time to time? I guess if it did, it wouldnt matter cos you are making a new M anyway!

HUGS

Hey NM... Thanks for filling me in! Everytime I go to read your thread I have to catch up on 6 pages! Lol. Good to see your getting support from fellow DBers. First graders must be real cute to teach! (Their parents on the other hand sound like they're driving you crazy already.) So what did Zoobrew last text you??? Its a good thing your stbxh didn't bring OW to meet his mother. .. Interesting actually! Maybe he's embarrassed of her... Homewrecker!

As for th MC, H remembered that I wanted to go to a group that I spoke to months back and they are pro relationship. He researched a few others and asked me my opinion but said the group I found seems the perfect fit. We decided to start MC in October after babys christening. But he's calling now. I'm not doing any work. He has to prove himself to me.

Hey piano, I think bub is an aussie thing but I love it. Do I have doubts... Um... I have fears... I'm scared ... Of what I don't know. Maybe the unknown I guess. In the past few months I buried my old M. Its dead. Its gone. I try hard not to make the midtakes we made a year ago. I also feel like in going hrough this tsunami of emotions I've becone more demanding of my wants and needs. I find that I want more out of a M than what we had. I gave up a lot for H to go throguh school and backed down for him to allow school to be first in his life, now, I'm either 1st or nothing. H knows this. Swears that's why he is mentioning R now instead of months ago because he knew I wasn't going to stand for a hodge podge R. Did I romaticize our R... Of course! I was convinced we loved each other like no one else... But I don't want that old R. For me its a whole lifestyle change. H is the H I fell in love with... Not the guy who spent the last two years going back to school and neglecting our M. And we have a baby now. Honestly it feels all new to me now. We are also different than we were last December... So I actually feel like this is a whole new person. Can I trust him... Yes... Like 90%. Because I know what we had. I know what we shared. I knew(past tense) this H and the love we had. So I do believe we can be stronger than ever. H knows all of this...

I've cried to him... Told him I'm scared. Also said to him what if I can't get back to the way we were. H says he feels like there is nothing we can't work through. We'll see.

I'm trusting the process. H admits he is scared mostly that he hurt me so much that I may reject him (good). And hates looking back and seeing what he did as it eats him up alive.

So we"re going to do Mc and eventually Retrovaille. My primary focus is on bub. And me. I need IC... I went and then my shrink moved away so I have to find a new one. But I think its healthy we both go seperatly. H is going back to his... Says he needs to work on being a better person stronger person for me and bub. Baby steps.

Like I mentioned above, we are starting from scratch. First date, wedding vows, honeymoon and all. My old M is gone. I want a new M just with my H. So that's just what were doing. H says he thinks I'm a strong person and can't believe how much I've grown as a person. I am probably the worst DBer, but I did what was best for me.