Hi all, Some may remember me from 4 years ago as "fandgmom" - if my threads are still here, you can read what I went through by doing a search for my previous screenname. (I think)
Anyway, long story short...I feel like my H and I are back to square one again. He is unhappy, depressed, feels like a failure and is messed up in the head with all kinds of negative thoughts. He is back to saying/feeling he knows he loves me, but doesn't feel completely in love with me and he doesn't know why. This time is different because he is not blaming me or projecting onto me in any way at all. He says it's all him, not me - and that I haven't done anything wrong in his mind. There have been underlying issues since we got back together 4 years ago. Since then, and as good as things were alot of the time, I truly believed that he only came back for the sake of the kids and that is why he is back in this rutt again now. I don't think the issues within himself were ever resolved when we got back together. Also, since being back together, I've found out alot of stuff goes on behind my back. I know there was communication between him and the OW where she emailed him a nude picture. I know he emailed a previous so-called stalker woman of his and asked her to send him some pictures. He got into a relationship in Feb. of this year with a girl on FB - and I found a message from him to her that was so incriminating. He is aware that I know. Of course I've flipped out many times regarding all these instances, most of all the one in February, I told him I wanted a divorce. He begged and pleaded and promised me that with me is where he wants to be. And with regard to the thing in Feb. he said he was doing it for attention and doesn't know why. He knows/knew it was wrong and just feels so screwed up in the head. He went to a counselor a couple times and then stopped. Just two weeks ago I discovered that he had communication again with the girl from February. Then last week I found a message he sent to another on girl FB telling her that "her friend is pretty awesome, but don't tell her I said anything".
There's alot more detail involved but obviously I can't write it all out.
Guys/Girls - I am SOOOO lost. I don't even know what I feel anymore. I don't know what to do or think or feel. Do I belong in this forum or somewhere else?
Forgot to add that he is going to see a psychiatrist, we're in the works of getting an appt. I am going to see one as well. Maybe the same one as him, but individually and then maybe that Dr. can bring us both together, is the plan.
Sorry you find yourself back. It appears that your H never left replay. He is still in it and you are back again. Sorry that he didn't complete his journey. That is something you can not control.
You must detach and relearn the lessons that the LBS should learn in their journey.
Again this is not your fault but you must start from the beginning. There are no shortcuts or easy ways out.
Only one way to climb this mountain. That is straight up and over.
You need to start the climb. One step at a time. If you need the links for the resources I am sure that I can get "cadet" to come post them to you. Just put it down on your thread.
No, I don't know if he has mentioned that notion to the guy he met with in March. He is going to someone new as soon as he can get an appt. I am not certain because I do not have proof but I get the feeling that there is/has been alot that goes on behind my back, that I DON'T know about.
Last night we sat at the kitchen counter and he spilled his guts to me. He was crying alot as he shared all of his negative thoughts about himself and all of the "whys" he has from his past/present. I just sat there and listened to him. The only thing I said was "When you go to talk to the new psych, please, not for anyone but for YOU, be completely honest with him, because if you are not honest, you cannot expect this to help you at all and then it would just be a waste of time" He agreed and said he is going to be honest.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready. Although I am not on the board that much anymore.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra new and improved list of links.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Remember that in the stages of MLC it does NOT go 1,2,3,4,5,6 but can get all mixed up and repeat itself and have more than one stage at once. Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. GAL. Detach. Use the time that your H has given you as a gift to start to work on yourself.
Hi all, Figured I'd bump this up since I didn't receive much feedback.
We still haven't found a psychologist yet. It's awful trying to get an appointment. No one calls back or there is a 6-8 week wait for an appointment. My husband had a great analogy - he said it's like he is calling the suicide hotline and being put on hold. He truly wants help and can't get it.
Things are pretty normal at home other than the fact that he's utterly depressed most of the time which is difficult to deal with but I am taking things day by day. I just want to see him get help.
I almost feel like I am becoming numb to everything anymore.
The only thing I said was "When you go to talk to the new psych, please, not for anyone but for YOU, be completely honest with him, because if you are not honest, you cannot expect this to help you at all and then it would just be a waste of time" He agreed and said he is going to be honest.
That's great advice, Jennifer. I ALWAYS am in favor of telling the truth, but for the LIFE of me, I can't understand why people lie to:
1. Their doctor
2. Their individual counselor
3. Their attorney
It just doesn't make any sense, even from a selfish, "garbage-in/garbage-out" perspective, kwim??
And yet, it HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. I mean ... who are you fooling??
