I'm not sitting too comfortably atm as I know I care too much about what he's up to. No contact allowed me to get on with my life irrespective of what he was up to. I think we've moved too far for the detachment of NC but not quite far enough. Frustrated!!
Cas, I hear you!!!! A couple months ago Jody (DB coach) and I had talked about a plan for how I should proceed if my XH continued to accept at least some of my invitations, but didn't initiate. According to the plan, I would choose a deadline (not to be communicated to XH) after which I would stop initiating and move forward with my life. If XH wanted to initiate I would respond........As it turns out XH began initiating in July and now seems to be pretty comfortable initiating table tennis games with me. This week I might suggest a standing Wednesday table tennis game with XH.
I'm not saying that you should follow this strategy, just offering it as one option to think about and decide whether it might be a good fit for you. You know your H the best. If there is still the possibility of an OW, I think it would be premature to talk "trust" issues with H. I think he would perceive it as pursuing. Use these boards to vent your frustration. Be your H's safe harbor and he will feel that he can confide in you when the time is right.
It's not fair, it's hard, but you can do it! You've already come REALLY far!
Thank you GAG. Your post made so much sense to me! Thanks for sharing Jody's advice which I really appreciated. It really does apply here. I remember reading it on your thread but we need others to help us see things objectively. I didn't want to get into any complicated conversations with H after my good work in keeping it all simple and straight forward but I didn't want to be the restaurant either where he can just change his plans at a whim, all to suit him. The dinners at least mean something or he wouldn't have tried to reschedule.
D is on break atm so a week or so ago I asked H if he wanted to continue with dinner here as this dinner arrangement was originally made to assist D to see H and still get her study done. I thought he might just invite D to his house for a meal but he elected to continue with arrangements as is.
As far as ow is concerned, I will be checking to see if she comes to stay over the vacation at all as that's what she did last break when her children were obviously with their dad. H's parents might have some inclination of what's happening with ow but H usually keeps info all to himself.
D thinks H is going to see his B and SIL Tues night.
H is responding really well to conversations I initiate. I haven't issued any other invitations lately but I may do so in the next weeks as we still have a movie to watch that I told H I wanted to borrow and he said he would also like to see it.
I imagine I will see him when his parents are here. Perhaps after they have gone will be the perfect time for the line in the sand. Thanks again GAG
I want to say I share GAG's opinion. For you to bring up "trust" in a conversation with H would be implying to H that you are full-speed ahead in a reconciling relationship. IMO, that will scare him back to NC with you. This is for right now in the current state of affairs. Down the road when things between you and H become more involved the time will present itself for "trust" conversations. IMO, you and H have a ways to go before you should dare to bring up the topic. Your H needs to be more transparent and involved with you personally for starters.
You are doing fine, muster that patience. You have found it before so I know you can do this.
I think your anxiety has you looking for trouble sort of speak. Work extra hard at not making up assumptions about what H is up to or doing. Don't hastily draw a line in the sand. I think you need to be reserved and let H continue to lead. After all, your H is being really positive about contact. Remember what happened to me when I became too comfortable and began to take the lead.
Take care ((((Cas)))), I think about you every day.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
A couple months ago Jody (DB coach) and I had talked about a plan for how I should proceed if my XH continued to accept at least some of my invitations, but didn't initiate. According to the plan, I would choose a deadline (not to be communicated to XH) after which I would stop initiating and move forward with my life. If XH wanted to initiate I would respond........As it turns out XH began initiating in July and now seems to be pretty comfortable initiating table tennis games with me. This week I might suggest a standing Wednesday table tennis game with XH.