Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again What should i do

Hi all
Its been a very very long time since I was last on these threads - in fact I think my log-in has been deleted, so i have created a new username. I was still able to find my old threads - which I am so glad about will read them again when I’m up to it - I’ve come such a long way since I first joined.

I first joined this forum in April 2007 after my H gave me the ILYBINILWY in Feb 07. We had been married then for 15 years and I must say my world fell apart. When I look back and read my sitch I can still feel the rawness and devastation that i felt to this day. What happened is my H met a women at a friend’s wedding - I was not there - and when he came back he gave me the speech. He then went traveling - telling me he needed space - & stupid me said ok! He then met up with OW & A started. If I have one saving grace in this whole matter it is the fact that the OW lives in another continent to us - and is very far away. He came back told me about it - I freaked - but took him back. Emails & phone calls started - and have basically never stopped. He met up with her 3 more times without my knowledge - all came to a head & said it was either her or me. Finally in April 2009- he choose me & family and we have been trying to pierce things back together.

He says he has nothing to hide - but I still check his emails as I don’t trust him and know he is still in email contact with OW. They phone each other - and on the whole he does tell me when she calls - but what he never tells me, is that he texts her and he has lied constantly about his email- saying he doesn't do it. He is a very friendly man - and flirts to her - now I’m not sure if he is just trying to be friendly and keep it all friendly but he has sent photo’s of himself to her - has just asked for her skype address - and last night asked if she wanted him to give her a love bite - I mean now that just does not sound like “friends”. She has moaned a lot that he doesn’t talk to her as he used to - and that she misses him - and often she says she hasn’t’ heard from him in ages. So I don’t know if they are just being mates or he is just trying to keep her there - for his convenience - like he doesn’t want to let her go - like he likes the fact that someone somewhere is just head over heels in love with him! Selfish B** I know!!

So all - do I confront my H? I know he would be so angry that I have continued to look at his email - but if he had nothing to hide I would have left it. And I wouldn’t be here again.

If it were me, I wouldn't give a rat's arse how angry he gets, he's still having an affair and I'd be madder than hell myself.

I don't care... and I am really mad. I am waiting to find the right time to confront him - as i can't continue like this.

I'm not wrong looking at through his stuff am I?

Its so hard - I have come to terms with it all & i have forgiven both of them - well on most days - but i still want to kill them both and i still think "if only i never let him go" - a hard one. But i suppose I must look at how much stronger I am now - and this has made me a better person.

Not in my book. If he weren't wrong for still being in contact with this woman and provide open honest transparent proof of it, then you wouldn't have to search for it now would you?

If I EVER, even 10, 20, 30 years down the road happen to find out my (x)W EVER talks to OM EVER again, she can kiss my arse GOODBYE, let alone send pictures?

My Problem - or one of them is that i forgive too easily - sweet talk and all that. I never can get my point through - and when i bring up R talks it always feels like i am the one in the wrong!!!

Well, at least you KNOW what your problem is and that is a very good thing! How can you work to address it?

Well thats me- quick to forgive - however it tends to be that everyone walks all over me! When i was growing up my girl friends did the same!

Mmmmm and to get my point across - well I suppose always keep a clear head! And to be honest with myself which will make me honest with H.

Yeah I can see how that could be a problem. I let (x)W know from get go one that it would take quite a bit of time, re-assurance and monitoring for b/s to get over certain things.

But I had forgiven her long before she came back, as they say, a gift I gave myself.

Did he agree to end all contact with OW when he ended the A? Did you put a transparency plan in place? If not then I can see how he would think it's ok to continue communication.

If it's not ok with you then tell him that. And FWIW, it would NOT be ok with me at all. I'm with Dylan--if I found out that BF ever spoke to OW again then I would be out so fast his head would be spinning.

H lies to me about communicating with OW all the time. I did say to him that if he spoke to her again i would be out of there - and say there was to be no more. OW mother was very ill & died a while a ago - and she contacted him for help and prayer and then my mother in law started giving advise which really did my head in!!! why she never contacted her friends well i just don't know!!
On some days when i find out he is lying i just want to end the whole thing! I am so sick of his lies - and his constant unfaithfulness to me. When ever i ask him or confront him he always brings it back on me because i snoop and see things i should never!