Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need advice

I think you should leave her husband to handle that for the moment.

Is OW H talking to you at all?

If you two can work TOGETHER you will make a LOT more progress fighting this affair... If you two work as a team and keep honest, open, communication running back and forth that the OTHER TWO don't know about...

I have seen that work really well.

For example you can give OW H YOUR H's name, cell #, work address etc and let OW H confront YOUR husband... Hold his feet to the fire etc

No, OW H is not talking. I do not know him or what kind of man he is. He has my H's info - knows his name and where he works.

Can someone give me an idea of what to expect from an attorney? I met with one already who specialized in equal divorce, but with a dependant disabled child, it cannot be equal if I am the custodial parent, you know? I'm hesitant to meet with a L b/c I am concerned about finances. I don't want to spend $700 on something that might not happen.

You will be surprised how much money gets wasted during an affair... It's one of the saddest parts of it all is the waste.

You may have to spend 700 on a L and file for divorce just to shake your H into his senses...

You COULD see if the lawyer can petition for your H to pay for it...

I wrote her letters but it did nothing for me or the situation. I'm working on OWH now.
Spend your time and energy where you can make some headway.

As for the attorney -I just dropped a lot of money - worth every penny if it puts my family back together.

MOST OP wont' stop if you confront them... They have been fully misinformed about you by your spouse by now and they won't believe a word you throw at them... And if she KNOWS he's married then she obviously doens't care how you feel about it.

The way to get to OP is by making THEIR life unpleasant just like THEY are doing to YOU... KEEP doing that until they back off...

OK - next question. Both families know about the A and several close friends know. But there are many "fringe" friends that do not know. I believe H has told them that we separated b/c we've been "having problems for a long time". If they ask me, should I tell them the truth?

HOW are you exposing this in particular?

What info are you passing along?

Is it written down.. can you post it?

And yes, of course you tell them the truth. Why LIE to cover up HIS affair?

And when your H complains because you "exposed" his affair, and he WILL complain you tell him the same thing :


I refuse to lie to our friends and family to cover up YOUR infidelity.


Note I didn't say "telling"... which is what children do... this is an affair and you expose it. You aren't tattling on a child here. This is a man and he has responsabilities and he's HIDING behind a lie to escape his responsabilities...

DO NOT ENABLE infidelity by covering it up for your cheating spouse.

ex·pose
Show Spelled[ik-spohz] Show IPA
–verb (used with object), -posed, -pos·ing.
1.
to lay open to danger, attack, harm, etc.: to expose soldiers to gunfire; to expose one's character to attack.
2.
to lay open to something specified: to expose oneself to the influence of bad companions.
3.
to uncover or bare to the air, cold, etc.: to expose one's head to the rain.
4.
to present to view; exhibit; display: The storekeeper exposed his wares.
5.
to make known, disclose, or reveal (intentions, secrets, etc.).
6.
to reveal or unmask (a crime, fraud, impostor, etc.): to expose a swindler.

If someone asks me why we're separated I would say something like "H chose to leave his family because he is having an affair with a married woman at work". Or "H chose to leave us because we didn't support his affair". Or "H is a pig who is cheating with a crackwh@re at work". Any other suggestions?

This is what I say " I invited both my H and the OW to end the affair but they refused. I didn't agree to an open marriage and can't support that in my home for the sake of my well being and my S well being."

It's a mantra. I also say things like, "my love for him as unconditional as the love for our children. I've had to take a tough love stance for everyone's protection. We can begin to work on the marriage when he decides to put his family first"

You call her a crack wh@re here - not out there. There will be plenty of people calling her names for you. You will be surprised at how many people say, "wow, you are a better woman that I am" "I could never forgive" things like that. You'll also get, "I'd kick him to the curb" "you deserve better" etc.

I am baffled by the people that remain quiet. Say nothing. Refuse to intervene in any way. I truly have only 2 people that have actually said something to him. One was his ex wife and the only thing she did was call him an a$$hole, the other was an old friend of his, new friend of mine that said "go home you idiot" then refused to talk to him again. His ex listened to his sob story (my guess is about how unhappy he was) and completely backed away. She is no help at all, in fact she is enabling him once again.

I believe it's harder to rally people on your behalf than you would think. I don't say that to discourage you and I hope your situation is different but somehow I thought I would have people really going to bat for our marriage. But that's okay, hang on to who you have, take the sound advice you'll have here and it will come. That's why we are here, right? To SAVE our marriages.