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NCU,

I would not pick-up every time he calls have him leave a message. If I ever get to this point this is what I plan to do. However, I admit that I almost did a cart flip when she emailed me last night. I better take my own advice.

Hurtinhartford,
i know the feeling. His calling this eve has lifted my mood as well. You're right about the answering machine.

I've got to take the kids to enroll in sports activities tomorrow morning, he'll be in the hall manning his rock-climbing stand. He could well be flanked by the OW, who's also a member of the club.He wants us to look them up in the sports hall, but the kids saw him today and I've no desire to have my nose rubbed in it. So I'm going to avoid him. Would that be beig petty? It seems like a good policy to me.Advice?
NotCrackingUp

NCU,

If there is no need to communicate with him then I would not. It is not being petty. I think that it is wrong to introduce your children to the OW while you two are still M. Besides all it will do is boost his ego and demoralize you in return. Stand up NCU you are better than this!!!

The problem is that they know heralready. He and she "met" on the beach and elsewhere and brought our kids together (she's D and has 2 girls) while she was officially "just a friend" and we were all in the dark. So now my two girls feel used, they've realised that outings with Dad and friends were just a means to be together. I know her, under the same illusion, I had her to dinner and tea at home, with girls, the poor lonely divorcee, recovering from a broken heart. How my husband went on about how brave she was, admirable, etc. All the while, if her heart was broken, other body parts were in perfect running order. Excuse the rant, that lying part makes me very angry.

I don't want to see him or her, I just don't want him to feel the kids are being kept away from him.
NotCrackingUp

Hurt in H
You're right about boostng his ego. Maybe it's something I neglected in the past, in some ways. But he loves having the attention of 2 women focussed on him, of that I'm positive.
NotCrackingUp

NCU,

So your H admires the bravery of the OW..So show him some of your bravery by NOT giving into him! Shut him off and only communicate when it is about your children. Your husband sounds like a narcissist so don't give him his fill. You are much better than him, so let him find this out when you don't care.

Hmm,

pookie,

Okay what is the hmmm about? I know what you are thinking and that is why it was easy for me to advise. If I dig deep down enough my low self-esteem issues are probably narcissistic in nature. Right?

Is that's how you feel about it?

I don't know. I am trying to be honest with myself without beating myself up. I know I felt uneasy being with a young attractive in shape woman and me being 285 lbs. Outside opinions said that she would leave me 2 yrs ago and robx hit the nail on the head when he said that my A was about finding the OW before my W found the OM. Also, narcissistic behavior played a part in the thrill of the catch with the additional attention and all. So is it low self-esteem or narcissistic behavior? I am still working these issues out with my IC.