Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What am I supposed to do???

Tay--You definitely have mamabear down and that's what matters. You will protect your kids no matter what the costs--to him or you. He is making his choices in regards to his relationship to his kids and no matter what you do you can't change that.

One thing he'll learn that alot of men don't get. Is god help anyone who hurts mamabear's cubs! Right now, its him. Protect, console your babies but remember to do it with only their best interest in mind. It's real easy to let the hate you are starting to feel towards him to seep through.

Good luck to you and yours.

Smooches,
Doodi

didthehurt-Thank you so much for your prayers. I feel so much better knowing that even though my husband does not care...there are others out there that care about me and my children.

Doodi-Thank you for the advice. I have taken notice to make sure that my feelings for my husband does not rub off on the kids. I know that the kids are hurting so bad but I will do everything that I can to help there pain.

I was the WAS in my M, and somehow I found my way to this board. I needed guidance and folks were here that talked me through some very difficult times. I would get on the board every night b/c that was my therapy. H would not agree to go to MC, so this was how I received C.

It will help you, too. Whenever you feel lonely, afraid, need advice....whatever, it will help you through.

sandi2-This is definitely how I get my counseling as well. Thanks for the encouragement.

Today was hard for me...not because I missed my husband but because the kids missed their dad badly. They kept asking me was their dad coming over to wish them good luck at school. They wanted to know was he coming over in the morning to see them off to school. I told them probably not and they were so hurt. So then they begged me to call him so I did but he did not answer the phone. I sent him an email and he did not answer that.

I have to be honest I felt really bad because there dad was coming over to see them once a week. Since I have talked to the OW he has not been by to see them or call them. It has been 3 weeks now. I know that I did the right thing but doing the right thing has hurt my kids so badly. I can be strong when it comes to me missing him but to see my kids cry kills me inside. To hold my babies while they cry out for their dad is too much to bare sometimes. I feel like it is my fault they are hurting because I spoke to the OW. Now I know it is their dad's fault they are hurting but at least they got to see him once a week before. I am just venting....

Aww Tay. You can't let yourself take the blame for this. I know it kills you inside, but you have done great being strong for your kids!

KellBell0820-I am trying so hard to be strong but when my babies cry that hurts. Thanks so much for the encouraging words.

Well I talked to my husband. The kids asked to call him again. I called because I did not expect him to answer but he did. After he talked to the kids he asked to speak to me. He had an attitude in his voice and I asked him why. He told me that he is just emotionally drained. He said that he is tired of playing Mr. Nice Guy and he is not going to do it anymore. He said that he is filing for divorce and he does not care if I fight it. I said okay when are you filing. He said I don't know when I don't have the money to file. I asked him then why do you keep talking about it if you don't have the money to file. He said that he just does not want me to fight him on the divorce. Then he said he is just going to file the paperwork because he doesn't have any money for a lawyer. He said if you want to take me for everything that I have then do it. He said he is not going to be appearing in court so whatever they say you can have I don't care. He said he just wants this marriage over with. I told him I did not call him to talk about our relationship I called him to talk about the kids. Then he told me that he will be over Saturday if he could. I asked him oh so if your other plans fall through then you will be over. He said I am not going to promise you because if I don't come then you will be mad. He then said it is a struggle for him to make it everyday because he has no money. I told him that he did not struggle when he was with me. I told him that he said that he was leaving because he was not happy but he is still not happy. He was just very quiet so I told him goodnight and we hung up.
What are your thoughts on the converstaion...

Sounds like he's drowning.
Which is NOT your problem. He's saying he wants the M over with, then says he's filing for D, then says he has no $ to file D, all conflicting statements. Again, not your problem. My advice to you is when he says he "may" come over, don't state things like "oh so if your other plans fall through then you will be over." Act "as if." Rght now you need to show him you are moving on. This is a manwho has told you to your face taht he was propositioned for sex at work and that he would be going through with the sex! And is living with another W right now. Have you seen a L yet?

You didn't call to have an R talk, but you started it, Tay Tay. Can you see that?

ALL of that could have been avoided.

Puppy

KellBell0820-He is definitely drowning and it is so sad. He is always contradicting himself. I have not seen a lawyer but I am going to look in the phone book for a free consultation.

Puppy Dog Tails-My husband always says that I ask why too much. I don't know why I do it I just always say why. I absolutely see though how I turned it into an R talk. If I would have not asked why the conversation would have ended differently.

I don't understand why he acts like I am the bad guy. He asks like he can't stand me. He is just so angry with me. When I see him though I can see the anger melt out of his eyes. To be honest I think that is one reason that he is not coming over. He knows that when we are in the room together there is so much chemistry it is ridiculous. I am not ML to him anymore but I know that he would want to and he does not want to feel that. When he begins to feel that he will not be able to hold on to his anger.

Because, you are standing in the way of his runaway fantasy. You are, in effect, his "buzzkiller."


Puppy