Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Baby born, separated, WH moving overseas for OW

P, you're sounding stronger every time I read up on here!!! Proud of you!!!

I wanted to say, taking the high road is for bettering yourself and your state of mind. Not to make things easier on him, or because he deserves your wonderfulness. Its to make your own life more serene, and because you deserve to be in a happy place... No matter how effed up that is! No situation is perfect for any of us... But like the saying goes... When life hands you lemons, better make lemonade!

Also, once your feeling better, and happier you will be more confident in creating/obtaining boundaries with your H. Wouldn't you love for him to say, hey what's up with P?! She seems so happ!!! Not trying to say you're not happy, I know your bub makes you very happy!!!

Its hard... Not easy at all! And days where you're going to say F this happy crap... But most days you will feel better because the hostility, as you mention above will be gone. And no matter what the future has in store for you, wouldn't it be best for bub to have her mum and dad get along.

I wish you continued stregnth!!!!!!!!!! You're doing a great job

By the way, are you really going on holiday? Cool!

Hey P, let us know what/if he writes back!

BD, I find I want to throw the towl in each time I act positively with WH. Must be because I have to wait till I am feeling 'up' in order to do that. When I feel 'down', I regret having extended the arm of peace/civility/whatever you want to call it.

Mt WH has not lifted a finger to help me during the pregnancy, birth or raising of this baby. He left me for OW. So unlike your H, mine is a total "swine" in the partner and father stakes! In fact, I think he is behaving more poorly than Newmamas, your and Gatsby's husbands put together!

Fullmoon, I still have those reasons you hint at for keeping it civil. I often wonder just how much this is preventing me from cutting him off properly and as he deserves - emotionally and legally/finacially.

Red, your H is probably up there in the 'head completely up his a$$ stakes' as mine. Cruel, selfish, chaos kids. The cake-eating just eats away at the LBS, I agree. Unless you completely remove yourself (e.g. no contact). I will see how I go and perhaps tell him not to contact me if I can't handle things.

G, no reply. I guess he's busy with OW.

I am going away this week - first flight for bub! I'll check in if I can.

Haven't heard from family or friends in Europe for a while, and I've kept off the email too. In this week when H returned there to live with OW, I've found I haven't wanted to communicate a whole lot...sort of feels like a funeral .. hushed.

I was thinking of keeping a low profile so H doesn't get info about us from others... then again, might drive something home if others know more about us than he does!

Also, bit more news.. Just found out an old family friend (and good friend of H's) drove WH to the airport... Reported that he was sad to see his friend leaving but also sad to see H was actually going through with this!

I'm like, WHAT? Like he only realised THEN? Maybe he could've spent more time encouraging WH to stay instead of "being Switzerland" for 9 months!

I am SO over fence sitters right now. Why are all the fence sitters male, btw?!
Not being rude, just an honest observation in my sitch.

Also same friend was there when WH posted letter to bub. Aparently WH went all holy and quiet and kissed envelope as he droppoed it ceremoniously into post box. Oh the THEATRICS! He needs his own Bronte novel to star in!

Oh, you know I know all about this, P. Your description is hiLARious.

Hey!
WH has just written back to say great bub is improving and that she wont have to endure this much longer. As for our trip this week, he says "hey, lucky bub to explore part of the country already. Have a great time in the sun". After signing off he adds a "p.s." - what's news with our apartment? Has it been rented yet.

Boring. More of the same. No way to frame this other than nuetral.

I am starting to think this is the only self respecting way to deal with WH.

I find the "morals" of my situation & what WH has done completely beyond my puny brain.

That's why I am having trouble drawing a clear boundary on dim contact vs NC.

I know for many : a H who walks out on his pregnant wife for OW and moves overseas = Dealbreaker.

But I don't think it is for me.

The story is always more complicated that that, isn't it?

That's what I think, anyhow.

So back to this. Would it be better for ME to have NC with WH? Is it what I want?

Maybe an initial period would help the healing.

It would allow me to assert (to myself), "Nah, this stinks... come back and help me raise the baby or give me the apartment so your baby has a roof over her head"... THEN we'll have something to talk about, but if you can't come to THAT party WH, fine..be on your merry way!
To me, that's a chick who stands up for herself cos she knows what she is worth.

p.s. forgot to mention in previous post: WH did not mention anything about the letters (which I asked him to refrain from sending until bub can read herself).

I didn't intend to be on here all night, but...just got email from one of WH's very, very close family friends (his closest father figure, in fact, someone who prides himself on being a great Dad...btw he was dumped not so long ago for a man half his age)...likes to keep up with me and bub...mostly email, skyped once... didn't want to judge WH or his niece-through-marriage (aka OW!)...but wasn't happy...
Anyway, sends me a regular sounding email, summary of holiday activities, no mention of WH. Does he NOT know WH is back in country?? Or if he does, what the F doesn't he say something?!

Anyway, he wants my news.
He is 'influential'..what news I give will get around the whole extended family, which includes OW.

WTF do I reply??

This is the best venue, I think, to "shine." I think you should stay as low contact as possible with WH. But with other people, especially this close family friend, don't talk WH. He's leading that way anyway by not mentioning him.

Just talk other things, whatever you can think of. Weather, bub details, your latest vacation, etc.

Gotta go, sorry for the short reply!

Why not mention that WH has moved to Europe and hopes to see his daughter once per year? Just wondering the harm in that....you don't have to give your emotional reaction to it.

GOOD LUCK on the flight with bub! And have a great time!