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Without quoting vast passages from books like "Love and Respect", "HTIYMWTAI", "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", I will say that not all of us fit into a box based on our gender.

For me, after reading those books I came to understand the nature of the way women relate to each other (usually) and the way men relate to each other (usually).

There have to be exceptions and I am saying that it is not neccessary based on shared interests.

Let's take Cat's example above about her "interests" in what are traditionally "male" interests. She has friendships with men because of shared interests, she may or may not prefer to relate to men how they are accustomed to relating to each other.

What I hear PEI saying is that she prefers to relate to people in a manner that is "usually' associated with Men. Now it would stand to reason that she would more easily form relationships with men based on that alone.

I am not suggesting a change because of an intimate relationship but an understanding of oneself and an understanding from your partner on how you prefer to relate to another person.

Now do not get me wrong here, and I think I understand what your getting at Mach and Cat makes the same point.....

We need to be aware of the pitfalls that could arise out of close relationships with those of the opposite sex that we are not intimately involved with in a committed relationship.

However, I will not pass "judgement" on someone who has those relationships because they "need" or "prefer" to relate in that manner.

I will say this, it is probably a good idea to seek out relationships with people of the same sex that prefer to relate to people in the same manner as you when you are in a committed relationship.

Alot of double talk there, sorry if it is disjointed.

That may flow better after the first Corona later on....LOL.

Miss.....really ?

I agree with most of what you say here....





On a completely different note....

What I was trying to get across....

People say and think what they want. Does that bother me ?

Not at all....

These are all points PEI brought up in her post, her ponderings.

Did I attack her ?

Not at all, re-read what I wrote. They were "if" questions.

Did I attack her Parenting ? Never...I agree completely with her, I do not know her as a Mother.

Who would I be to judge her on that anyway ?

I'm not that shallow.

What should have been an introspective response turned into much more than it needed to be.

What do we call that here ?

My Sting-o-meter is at zero, and it would be much worse if I DIDN'T ask the questions....

That is why we are all here..





What I do find interesting is.....

By you being here, and saying what you think PEI is thinking, or the way PEI interprets my words.....

Is Validation....from a guy friend....


I asked PEI those questions .....

True....and I agree......interesting...




I did not mean to imply that you were "judging" anyone with ^^^^^ this comment.

Its all good introspection....:)

Cheers

I have a question.
Where you been all day?

Its Little Friday.

Miss....

None taken....




Lance...

I've been tryin to drink coffee with a fork....


: )

Hows that working out for you?

Miss,

Where to start?



Yes interests. Isn't that why we interact with people? A common bond of sorts?

Not because we necessarily like a particular communication style.

For me, communication style is why I become friends with a specific person, not a gender of people.

However, because my interests are generally more the things a man IS interested in, it puts me into a place of either interacting with men in "their" style, or doing these things all alone. And I have to accept the judgement that does come my way because of that.

Does that mean that I talk to them about my Brazillian wax, what I think about, oh let's say Halie Barry's breasts, the hot guy that just walked across the street, my vibrator or anything like that.?

Nope. Those are things that gets discussed with one man and one man only. If I need to say them to anyone else, I say them to women.





So it is ok for Mach or Jack to talk in a "man" way with your W? It doesn't bother you at all? Doesn't make you feel just a bit small? Especially if she is welcoming and responsive of it?





I would like to see PEI's reasons for liking men, to be much more like mine...

Sh!t PEI you're going to have to start another thread!

They're not free ya know.

Maybe we shouldn't make blanket generalizations about genders.

Maybe not all women, just Canadian women?

They're not free?
I thought you prepaid for all of them grit?

I was a little reluctant to join into this debate; however, it did strike a cord in me so I decided to remain true to who I am and respond.

Most of you know that I am pretty raw and emotional guy. I actually like that about myself. I am also very honest (sometime to a fault) but this too is who I am. I am not the most eloquent poster here BUT I am not afraid to speak my mind or voice my opinion so here goes.

First, I think we all need to realize that when we post; we need to understand that sometime tone is difficult to read. Sometime we interpret someone response as a negative or an attack when it really is not.

AND….sometime the post is intended to prompt something in us that quite often we do not see, do not feel like dealing with or is too painful to face. What I can say is that in my specific situation, Jack and Mach busted my ba*ls many many time. Actually to the point of me wanting to go and kick some serious as* (no Mach that is not a challenge – just truth). I can tell you that some days I wanted to fly up north just to kick Jack’s ass. I am not kidding. I did. What I can NOW see is that I needed to hear what they had to say. Oh boy did I need it. Have I agreed with everything that was said to me? NO - or as I would say…hell f*cking no. My point is this…things are posted on these boards with the intent to help each of us grow, grow in the areas that sometime we do not see we need to grow in. Sometime it is not until someone challenges a post, thought or a POV that these areas of growth are visble. Is that what happened here. I have no idea. I will say this…this post touch “touch a cord” in me.

I think the point of all of the banter that has occurred today on this thread is this (at least in my opinion, which as my saying goes…opinions are like as*hol*s everyone has one)….

I will use Cat’s response as the basis of my POV



I think the point of this or at least how I interpreted today back and forth…is that we all need to look at how we communicate with each other, specifically with the other sex. That is a conclusion that each of us must reach on our own and I think she was just trying to highlight that point. Think about this for a sec….when you have people that are hurt, people that have been beaten on, people that have been emotional drained, people that have had their self esteem wiped out and people that are generally lonely…well certain “communication style” can be misinterpreted.

So what do I mean by communication styles….once again…most of you know that I call it the way I see it…so here goes…



You know I remember the whole Brazilian wax exchange. We had a lot fun posting back and forth about this. Was this topic “pushing it” a bit. Quite honestly I guess it depends on the person and if THEY were offended. It did not bother me as much as I originally thought; however I could see how it may bother someone else.

I will say as I looked at the whole wax exchange from a different point of view….well maybe, just maybe it should not have been discussed in such an open forum. To Cat’s point of is it okay if mach or jack spoke to YOUR wife that way…. I can honestly say that if I was still married to my W (actually technically I am…WOW - have I detached..but that’s another topic)…would I have like it if she was discussing the huge dil*o she had with some guys on a website. Honestly…probably not. I think this is Cat’s point or at least that is my OWN interpretation of her post.

So…when we have these type of discussion i.e. Brazillian Wax, I do think that they CAN be taken the wrong way and hence we inadvertently open a door that quite frankly when close will hurt someone. So why would I say that someone would get hurt? Once again I not the most eloquent poster…I really just post from my heart so here goes…

For example….say my wife was on these boards instead of me. While on these boards (remember she is trying to save her marriage) she engages in a conversation about her big dil*o with Mach or Grit (she wouldn’t with Lance cause he too old – just kidding lance I had too –LOL).

Mach and/or Grit go back and forth and joke about it. Well after a few days of joking…Mach get’s a little more personal with my wife…who is after all lonely cause I am stuck in my own MLC crisis. A conversation ensues…the conversation get a much more personal. My W…realizes what she has done and tries to distance herself from Mach. My question here is…who is at fault? Is it Mach or is it my W? Interesting if you think about it – was my w wrong because in her mind she was only kidding? Was Mach wrong because he misread the “tone” of the discussion? What if Mach started to have feeling for my W (who by the way is hot – even in MLC she is hot…just saying – LOL) – My W now reject him. Wow…someone is now hurt! Maybe two people are hurt – Mach and my wife who now feels bad.

Am I crazy or does anyone see my point of view?

Now..I know quite a few board members off board – quite a few. I have exchanged emails, alt messages and in some case I have spoken with folks over the phone. Cat, Mach, Missher and PEI being 4 people that I have spoken to.

Here is what I would like to close my post with….

Missher – you’re a funny dude – You are also very objective. It will suit you well my friend. This was a touchy topic but you dealt with it with class.

Mach –Many people just do not know how much you care about the people that post here. I do. I will say that IMO your responses could have been taken the wrong way (it did appear to me that you called PEI a cougar). I do know you well enough to know that your intent was not to offend but to challenge. Well you did challenge me to think buddy. So thank you.

Cat – You never cease to amaze me! Our approaches are different but as I have said before you do say things that may not be popular but need to be said. You will always have my respect. Personally, I think you and PEI should take some of this stuff off board – but that’s just me. Could this be the catiness that you both mentioned?

PEI – Honestly, I know how you feel. As your friend…take out the anger from your though process and look at Mach and Cat’s post to you from a different perspective. I do not believe you are a cougar matter of fact I know you are not. BUT I do not think that was the intent of Cat’s or Mach’s post. What I believe they were trying to do was point out something that they saw/felt in response to your post which I have quoted below:



I think Mach and Cat were trying to show you that sometime our words and actions can portray us in a different light to others. I think the post were just that – no more – no less.

Now, PEI, what I believe they or several others on the boards do not realize...is where you are at in this process and the chit you have on your plate right now. So maybe the timing was not right. I know this is your first week alone in the house..Your first week with out the kids.

Take today's exchange for what it is. You know your truth….and if it stung….look at it. I can honestly say it stung me. I will not speak for you - your a big girl you can do that yourself.

God Bless,
Eric