Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What am I supposed to do???

Tay Tay,

When you did that, you were allowing him to get some of his emotional and physical needs met by the OW, and then some of them met by you. He didn't have to make any choices.

By going no-contact, you have removed that as an option, and forced him to choose one of the two remaining options:

1. Continue his affair, and destroy his family; or

2. Return to his marriage and work on reconciliation.

As long as you were allowing him to "cake-eat," why on Earth would he ever make a decision? He had the best of both worlds.

You stand strong.

Puppy

Ris, KellBell0820, and Puppy Dog Tails-I agree that me not calling him is a big 180. I also agree that I was allowing him to cake eat big time. I am sad today because this is Day 6 of NC and even if he did not want to talk to me he could call to check on the kids. I know this is just another symptom of some WS's though. I will stand strong and not contact him. Thank you for your advice.

sent a prayer up for you last night tay..

Thank you so much. I am praying for you as well.

ADVICE NEEDED ASAP... I called my mother in law today to tell her all that has been happening. She told me that she did not want to say anything but she can hear the pain in my voice. She said that my husband told her that he is not in a relationship with this woman. He told her that he does have feelings for her but she does not want to be with him. He told his mom that he moved in with her to keep her from going back to California (where she is from) because she was about to get evicted. So he moved in to help her with the bills. His mom said that he calls her and ask her what to do because she has a boyfriend that stays over to the house. He gets upset when he hears them sleeping together. My husband mom says that she always tells him to come back home to me. She said that he is using the OW as a scapegoat to try to get me to let him go. Our whole relationship I always told him that if he cheated on me it is over. So she said that my husband feels like if he tells me that he was in a relationship I would just let go.

She said that my husband told her that he intends to come home one day but not right now. She said that is why he is able to still spend time with me the way that he does. She said that the day I spoke to the OW that she was at the beauty salon. She was talking in front of everyone in the shop. When my husband came to pick her up she outed him in front of everyone. She told him "why are you lying to your wife about us". My mother in law said that is why he is so mad at me because she embarassed him in front of everyone. My mother in law wants me to call her and my husband on three way. She said that is the only way to make sure that nobody tells lies. She said she is going to tell him that we need to start over. She is going to tell him to come home. She said that she is going to tell him that if he does not want to come home to let me go. I don't know if I agree with that but what are yall thoughts on this.

I'm not sure Tay, in my sitch I've largely left my parents out of it. H hasn't done the same (as his family knew about this OW), but his mom is trying her hardest to stay normal. She still calls me sometimes, still watches D for me, got me a birthday present and invited me out to lunch tomorrow (still unsure if I'll go). But I don't think I'd let her go through with a plan like that. If your H is saying that he just wants you to let go, then let go. I bet that's the last thing he's actually expecting.

Tay 2x
It is wise not to get relatives involved with the sitch.

I know my MIL told W to go home where her kids were. She did but it wasn'r her choice.

Your MIL is going to TELL HIM. It has to be his free choice. It fact being a guy, telling me to do something, I will most likely do the opposite.


Be careful getting others involved.
If he his forced to come home it won't work. my .02

KellBell0820 and gr8 day 2B alive-I agree with you. It was actually my husband that got my MIL involved. He told her alot of lies and she called me. Ever since then we have called each other back and forth. I know that she is going to talk to my H I won't be able to stop that. I won't do the 3 way call though. I will just let her talk to him alone.

The plot thickens...MIL called my husband and talked to him for a little while. So then husband calls me and ask me can I pick him up because he has caught the wrong bus home from work. I went and picked my husband up. He told me that he loves me and cares for me but just thinks that we can't be together right now. He told me that he really doesn't think that his relationship with OW is going to work out either. He said that today a woman at work approached him and asked him if he had a girlfriend. He told her yes. She told him that if he didn't she would sleep with him because he has beautiful eyes. I asked him what kind of woman says that. He said that he would probably sleep with her and that will ruin his relationship with OW. Then he says I am turned on by you right now. Then he says I don't know I am just horny all the time now. He said that he should not be in any relationship right now. I said then what is the purpose of the OW. He said he didn't know. My husband has some serious problems. What are yall thoughts?

I think you should dump his sorry cheating ass. That's what I think.

Also, he's lying to his mother.

Puppy