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KWYM buddy.......hang tough.

Just a quick update on FIL.

He did come home last night and is resting comfortably. He is very weak but very glad to be home. After all the tests, the general concensus is that he has mono. If that is true and the Dr.'s aren't just guessing, then he is well on his way to recovery. Of course, mono can be very contagious so we all have to watch ourselves and our kids for signs of it. And it's very possible that my W has come down with it.

She called in to work last night because she said her whole body aches and she just feels like crap.

When we finished supper, I helped finish the kids' homework, did the dishes (she told me to leave them for later), went out and cut some grass and came in and gave the kids showers and put them to bed. W was asleep on the couch and I left her there.

This morning she was very grouchy. I wasn't making the kids' lunches right, didn't get them the right clothes to wear, and just nitpicking. I didn' get mad or pout. I didn't reply at all. There was enough to do with getting four kids ready that I just moved on to the next thing. Odd how when I get them ready bymyself, which is five out of seven days a week, there are no fights or arguements about eating or brushing teeth or anything. It goes smooth as glass. (Mostly!)

Was she grouchy because she didn't feel good? IDK. You would think she would appreciate the help. I don't force my help on her, if she wants to do it alone, I simply move on to something else. There is no shortage of things to do. I take care of things that I have control of. Otherwise, I do my best to stay happy and upbeat and let her not bother me.

Nice job. You are getting better at this.

IDU,

It is good that you are not reacting to your W's mood swings. She is not feeling good, so it may be some of the reason she is grouchy. It is not an excuse.

It is good that you are just do what is best for you without confrontation.

She probably wants to control the house, and it is something that needs to realize she can't always do.

I am not sure that I am doing so well today giving my perspective. I just hope that you keep the PMA.

Journaling

W worked at her regular job Sat. and went straight to the bar for that job when she got off. 1 1/2 hour drive. The kids and I worked in the yard, did laundry, dishes, watched a movie and just had a good time. She txt me Sat nite at 11:00 and said she was headed home. I answered, okay. I went to bed and she got home between 12:30 and 1:00, took a shower, got dressed and had to leave for regular job at 3:30. Not much, if any sleep.

Took the kids to church Sun and went for doughnuts after. I was making lunch when she came home. S4 was telling her what the priest had said to him that morning during the service and I laughed and attempted to tell her what he was talking about. She started down the hall and I shut up and continued cooking. She came back in, crossed her arms and said, "And....." I quickly told the story and she just walked off. No grin, no nothing. And it was a cute story.

She went and passed out on the couch and the kids and I went outside. She got up a couple hours later and started bitching about being out of groceries and toilet paper, etc. She works at a place that has all of this. I told her I expected that she would pick some things up before she came home. She griped some more and I walked off.

Later, she made supper and we all came in to eat. While I was helping S4 wash his hands, I could hear her complaining and saying how she worked all this extra time and what was the point, telling the boys to sit down so she could get supper on the table when they were trying to help. We ate and I started to help clean the table off when we were done as I always do. She opened the dishwasher and grabbed a skillet off of the top rack and threw it in the sink. She said, "What the hell is that doing in there? I guess I'll wash it the right way." After holding my tongue all day, I simply said, "W, the dishes from Fri and from all weekend are done, the laundry is all done, the floors are swept, the house is picked up. There is nothing for you to do but rest. If you don't like how I do things, next weekend, when you are gone all weekend, I will let everything pile up and you can do it all when you decide to come home." I said it sweet and kind and went back out with the kids.

We drove the 4-wheeler around the rest of the evening and I brought them in and gave them all showers and ready for bed. Put them in bed at 8:30 and I went to my room, took a shower and laid down to read for a while. Didn't hear a thing out of her after supper. That's just as well.

Now, I know she had to be worn out. I had the house and the kids taken care of. She didn't have to do anything. It's her choice to take this second job. We would be fine without it. She says she only needs four hours of sleep a night. B.S. She came home to a stress free home and ruined it in about 30 seconds.

I am almost to the point that I never thought I would be. I'm not so sure I want this M to be saved. I am not running away. My L and I are still doing the paperwork. It will take a while. I shouldn't feel down at all today. I do. Why? I know I still care, but it has been almost a year. I still can't get over her taking it out on the kids as much as she does me. None of this makes sense.

I take that back. It makes sense from what I've learned here. I don't fully understand it, though. I know her being mad at me is a good thing. (Thanks, Coach) When will it ever stop?

I, know; When I make it.

Just thinking out loud.

IDU,

It is good when the WAW is gone because at least you have fun with the kids and do not have to deal with the CB.

I know you still have feelings for your W and that may not change for now, but you are moving forward, and I think you are headed in the right direction.

I think you are detaching and doing it for yourself. As far as wanting to save your marriage, that will always be your choice.

I guess it is good thing that my STBXW was mad at me last night. I don't know what it means either.

I hope your W gets really mad if it will help you in your sitch.

It is your choice now.

Hang in there. My prayers are with you!

Thanks, LSG

We read it here all the time and I still am having trouble accepting it. We have to let go. I read Gucci's post to Pigskin and Coach chimed in. They are right and I just can't fully accept it. It's my own fault and my own weakness.

I can't expect to make any progress without doing what I really need to do. That includes accepting that this M may very well not end up like Coach's or Puppy's, etc. I do know that they had to do the hard work and didn't get to where they are today by doing the same things that I am. All the more reason to do it.

Maybe I'm not the best person to offer insight, as I like to think that I'm a vet now, but not above being corrected by those who have successfully DB'd.

Her getting no sleep sure isn't going to endear herself to you. I can't imagine anyone being able to be loving under those conditions. I'd be irritable too.

I just think you should do what I'm doing, which is get the process moving without any undue delays. The process is your clock. If she wants to try a hail mary pass and pull out a miracle victory, so much the better. At that point you tell her that all this BS is going to change on her part immediately because you are walking to the lawyer, pen in hand.

But she is quickly running out of time. You are sitting on the lead, in victory formation...

Thanks, Pigskin.

I'm sure you are right about her not having any rest. If I'm truthful with myself, it is probably some resentment showing through on my part. I don't want her working so far away and working the crazy hours. Yes, I do worry about her safety. Yes, I do think part of the reason she is doing it is so she won't have to be at home. She's not only not at home with me, but also the kids. They ask when Mom's going to be home.

Of course, if I have let go, whatever she does shouldn't bother me. All I can do is take care of the kids and the house and let her be.

I guess I'm just having one of those days. I am already getting over it. NBD.

Just a quick thing I was just thinking about.

My 25th high school reunion is this weekend. A girl that I went to school with has kids at our kids school and got my W's phone# and asked her if we were going. She told me this one day last week. I didn't really say anything and my first thought was, no way am I going alone. At my 10 yr reunion, my W was my girlfriend, at the 20th, she was my wife and mother of my three kids with one on the way, and now she is my STBXW. I didn't want to face anyone or face the questions of where my W was.

I have made up my mind to go alone. I didn't ask W if she was going or not, I know better. I will go and make my W think I can't wait to see everyone and that I will have a great time. I am open to having a great time and I hope I do. Maybe there will be some old flames in similar situations, you never know.

Just another reminder of what used to be.