Didn't you also say your H has a lot going on in school right now? So both of you are possibly under a lot of extra stress, and putting pressure on yourselves to work on the new R. I'm wondering if this is one of those things that are going to come on his timing when he gets to that comfort level versus your timing.
As a wise lady keeps telling me, you have to control the things that are under your control, YOU!
You obviously have a lot going on, school, work, new R, and the holidays.
What about do some extra exercise, eat some chocolate, go to a movie or the library to read some magazines, of course you could always go shopping but with the crowds that might not be a stress free choice! Be nice to Sage, she is dealing with a lot of stress right now and she is a pretty special lady!!
Then when the extra stress drops off you see how you feel about things at a better time, when your mental energy isn't being pulled so many different directions.
Right now you don't need to be spending the mental energy on this one and if your mind is not quiet you cannot 'hear' what others are saying to you, or at least 'see' what they mean. I am betting you know where that line came from!!!!!
Sending you wishes for a wonderful, productive and peaceful day today!!!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
If I read this on your thread don't hit me, but I think I saw it quit a while ago on a thread I don't always read. No idea which one and I can't remember the quote exactly.
But the thought of it has stayed with me.
We choose to trust not for our spouses but for ourselves. Because the other is no way to live and we know that we will be ok either way but the trust is for ourselves and our lives.
I know that isn't how it went. But that was the general thought with it. I am sure you can take that and make it make sense. I have every confidence in your abilities!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks for the visits...LL...your post really touched me...we ARE weary travelers, aren't we? Thanks for reminding me that I've taken many a positive step on the path.
SB -- I KNOW you're right...even I'm somewhat mysterious about the BB sometimes...I just was dipping into the fear/doubt/impatience pool. and it's totally true that MY reactions to h re. the computer are certainly a motivating factor (or demotivating as the case may be... ). I'm sure I've put him between a rock and a hard place...for all I know he thinks it's loving to not be hanging out on the computer...he's probably working hard at that! And here I am "beating him up"....
I need a BREAK.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Pam...what great posts to Sage..you need to come over my way some day and give me some insights...I'll let you know when... or feel free anytime you think I might be not seeing something.
Pam -- Your post was EXACTLY what I needed to read this AM. It brought both smiles and tears (combined with AWE at your insights, lady!!!!).
Quote: Didn't you also say your H has a lot going on in school right now? So both of you are possibly under a lot of extra stress, and putting pressure on yourselves to work on the new R. I'm wondering if this is one of those things that are going to come on his timing when he gets to that comfort level versus your timing.
yes.yes.and yes.
Pressure on both of us....need to respect his timing. H met me for dinner last night and he told me he needed to have some "fun"...I asked what that meant and he said "another date with you!"...sounds like we really need some R&R this weekend!
Quote: What about do some extra exercise, eat some chocolate, go to a movie or the library to read some magazines, of course you could always go shopping but with the crowds that might not be a stress free choice! Be nice to Sage, she is dealing with a lot of stress right now and she is a pretty special lady!!
Oh, YES, Pam....thank you for reminding me that I NEED to not only be gentle with myself but GIVING too...I think a special treat for SAGE is in order...I love ALL of your suggestions, too!
Quote: Then when the extra stress drops off you see how you feel about things at a better time, when your mental energy isn't being pulled so many different directions.
Want to borrow my username...oh wise one???
Quote: Right now you don't need to be spending the mental energy on this one and if your mind is not quiet you cannot 'hear' what others are saying to you, or at least 'see' what they mean. I am betting you know where that line came from!!!!!
meditation rocks, no????
Quote: Sending you wishes for a wonderful, productive and peaceful day today!!!!!
I'm well on my way thanks to you, hon.
Positives for yesterday: 1. h met me for dinner and drinks after my haircut 2. h said "I love your hair" when he saw me! 3. h told me he needed to have some fun this weekend...another date with me! 4. I was the one to initiate the date yesterday...after he said "yes" h called me back and played me a funny song
One major deliverable done today...my presentation to my class...send me GOOD VIBES from 3:30 - 4:30 EST PLEASE!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You have all the tools you need to get you through these thoughts, it is remembering to dig them out of your pocket and use them.
Stress can do funny things to all of us, and possibly when stress is the highest is when we need to look internally for stress relievers instead of looking to our partners to help us out. Only we can get ourselves back on an even keel. Exercise, meditation, foot massages, chocolate (your weight can handle it!), something to help you. Until you are feeling like the poised, confident person you are, trying to deal with R problems seems like just another stress on top of it all.
Cheeseless tunnels are so hard to get out of, aren't they? But if it was so easy, then we all wouldn't be here! Could he turn off the computer because he wants to focus on you? He doesn't want you to see that he should be studying and instead is playing hearts and other mindless games? And I know I'm guilty of the BB shut down whenever H comes around.
Work, school, time for you to pamper you. H sounds like he is reaching out and trying to make you feel better. Accept that for all the wonder and love that it is. It sounds a bit like, yeah, but.... I love the necklace, but I really wanted....
Be easy on you. Stop beating yourself up, you are doing great! And will send good vibes to you this afternoon!
Sage, Reading your posts helps me so much in dealing with the different sitchuations that pop up all the time. It helps me to see that even though your H is SO loving and attentive, you still have the same doubts and fears I do. That tells me that it's US that we need to work on, that we have to overcome all the doubts we have that are caused by the past. No matter what our H's do that is positive, we still have these annoying little demons that cause us anxeity and suspicion. You have a great way of dispelling the negative,and focus on the positive. Your R is an inspiration to me. It helps me believe in happy endings. You will be one that lives happily ever after I think. You are well on your way! Rachael
Thanks for the posts yesterday! I read them during class (presentation is DONE! 1 thing down...2 to go) and something about the way both of you phrased things helped me see that I was in "ask for more, more, more" mode....that I had gotten away from focusing on all the wonderful things that I have in my life...
SO...while I was in class I sent h an email ... telling him ILY and thanking him for all of his support during this stressful time.
When I picked him up from the train he was JOYFUL -- bubbly, excited, pumped up! said some awesome stuff about out upcoming vacation (end of month), was just darned glad to see and be with me.
I'm crediting the email.
Is it possible that this man just doesn't know how much I love him???
I guess that makes us twins.
Ms. Pam -- how can I not have a positive day when you are out and about???
More positives: 1. h did a bunch of stuff around the house 2. h ran an important errand for me (a gift for someone) and seem really glad to do it 3. h was so loving this AM -- even though he was still half asleep he was totally caring!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Be nice to Sage, she is dealing with a lot of stress right now and she is a pretty special lady!! 
But that was the general thought with it. I am sure you can take that and make it make sense. 
). I'm sure I've put him between a rock and a hard place...for all I know he thinks it's loving to not be hanging out on the computer...he's probably working hard at that! And here I am "beating him up"....
or feel free anytime you think I might be not seeing something. 
