Ok. I will do my intel, talk to a lawyer, go down to job and family services and start apartment hunting this week. Holy crap that's scary.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I've been second guessing it all along. I believe it to be emotional, by my standards. I cannot be sure it is physical. But once again he doesn't believe there is such thing as emotional affairs, so it's hard to rationalize the wrong to myself when 'he's done anyway and can have whatever relationship he wants at this point'. He doesn't owe me' fidelity if we are getting divorced.
Last edited by Ihavehope; 08/30/1003:38 PM.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
He stayed out all night now many times and you think its jsut emotional?
He IS morally obligated to respect you in your own home... PERIOD... stop second guessing yourself.. This is you getting ill.. anyone OUTSIDE of your home would call you on this in a heartbeat.. you accept it because of the conditions he has you living in...
He's not done, he's lying and he's abusive... He's pushing boundaries of fidelity and using "I'm done" as an excuse... He's not done, all cheaters say they are done to justify their affair to themselves... stop making excuses for his behaviour.
Get out of there.
Take the kids, move, get out of there... He's abusive and he's messing with your head.
I know. I just keep remembering the guy he was, who i always thought he was, and that guy wouldn't have cheated. But i do not know this guy. He is a stranger to me.
I will start the ball rolling as soon a possible. I need to print a list of things to do. Any other questions I should ask L? We were originally going to do a dissolution, so there wasn't much to talk about. Any other tips?
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Don't share any info with your H you don't have to... THAT is the most important tip right now.
Re him being a stranger.
When a spouse is WAYWARD.. particularly a CHEATING wayward their behaviour will be quite different than NORMAL.. it will be hostile, difficult, aggressive, evasive, dishonest, etc...
I am not dismissing reconcilliation here, but you can't get there under your current arrangement.. you need to get OUT of there...
This will do the following :
1. Get YOU feeling better 2. That healthy energy will pass to your kids 3. You can get some income and stability in your life 4. He won't be abusing you anymore with his going out all night and being evasive and denying everything 5. It will also shake HIM up that you aren't gonna TAKE his BS anymore... It gives you room to challenge his beahviour and work on the marriage
you can't do that where you are now... seriously.. its not healthy...
IHH: I know this is scary, but do what Allen tells you and I promise you will be MUCH better off than if you do not! You will be doing the best thing for yourself, for your kids, and believe it or not - for any chance of saving your marriage.
I've been around this block and I know from experience. My H was not in a proven physical affair and it still took me being strong to get to any state of progress. Now, I didn't move out, but I asked him to move out twice! Long story that I won't go into here, but believe me: showing H that I was not going to stay in an emotionally abusive situation was key. My kids were much better off, I was much better off, and my H has gone from claiming "we could never be happily married again" to now working on the M and behaving like a gentleman, even though we are not fully there yet.
Not only that, but I went through a cheating spouse my first marriage. My moving out was a huge turning point for my own self esteem. Was I scared? Heck yes! Best thing I did though. Eventually H1 wanted me back but it was too late for me.
I've heard all those hurtful things your H has said to you and worse....never saw it coming. It's amazing what a trapped partner will say when they want out. Get tough! Stand up for yourself! You'll feel much better.
