In the meantime, should I be going dark (well as dark as I can) or pleasant but avoiding conversation? Right now we are not talking all that much other than me asking him to watch the kids for me and some day to day chit chat (other than this morning, which I blame on my 1 1/2 hours of sleep).
How should I handle the daily, though limited, interactions?
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Easy enough, I've been doing that already (hence his 'sadness' that I'm not into being his friend). So keep on keeping on, while 180ing and getting my ducks lined up. I can do that.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I use this model often, so I will offer it up again here.
Your Husband has three basic choices of lifestyle here :
a. Continue to see you, and his affair partner (cake-eat) b. End his marriage, minimize contact with you, and pursue affair partner 100% c. End his affair and work with a FT to reconcile with you 100%
Right NOW, you have been making option A AVAILABLE to him. He can see you as often as he wants, whenever he wants, and you are all smiles when he does. You even make him dinner or whatever.
When you cut OFF option A he has to make a choice between two ugly options to him. He does NOT want to end all contact with you, or he would have done that already. He does NOT want to end all contact with his OW either.
YOU take actions to STOP A from being available as an option. Until you cut off option A he will KEEP TAKING IT and NEVER recommit and YOU will continue to feel increasingly miserable.
Cut him off at the knees by removing option A.
You cannot force him to choose option C, but you CAN STOP him from choosing option A by NOT being available to him anymore.
You have been making yourself available 100% so he's been cake eating... it won't help you.
Cut him off at the knees. He may choose b, he may choose a, but at least he will have made A choice and you can stop feeling miserable.
Ok seriously freaking right now. I found pics on his comp of OW in 'pregnancy' picture shots. From the side, holding her belly. WTF do I do.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Are you saying you believe she is pregnant with his child???
You need to confirm that before saying anything to him about it. If you confront him with no proof it will hurt your chances of getting proof. He'll deny it and try to hide any evidence which will make it harder for you to confirm.
How? How the hell do I do that? I think she is pregnant with someones child but I have no clue if it is his. Oh WTF. What do I do????
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
