Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

Brevity is a good thing:

"Sure, I'll remember next time."

No argument, you're agreeing, and it's the simple thing to do.

If memory serves me, I think Michelle teaches that when in the LRT--one should not try to make much conversation and should give very short answers. That's not to say they are to act unfriendly......just don't initiate much conversation. It's best that you not bring up any of her feelings b/c it will likely to lead to R talk.

What would be more attractive would be for the LBH to pull back and do not chat too much. If she wants to talk to him about her day....she'll bring it up. If she wants to talk to him about her feelings, she'll bring it up. There are some times that "valadation" comes from simply listening (while looking her in the eye) and give a nod of the head.

I believe that many LBH's call themselves "valadating" when in reality they are "smothering" the W. Many LBH's try too hard and it ends up "overkill".

It's hard for the LBH to find that "balance" in the conversation, being friendly, validating, etc.

Yeah, that's what people say about me, when I tell them what they want to hear.

Huh?

If the two of you plan to go to Retro....why are you giving her the letting go speech?

If this is any idea of how you appear to your W, maybe it's a good idea.

Sandi, that's pretty nasty. What's your problem? Nevermind, I don't want to know.

It is really annoying that the 'kick her to the curb" group can't stand to even allow other opinions on the board. You all don't all the board, you just took it over.

Because she is going there ONLY to learn how to "communicate". I wanted to set the playing field level before we walked in. She has said she felt pressure to go to Retro, I wanted to take that off as well.

I don't have a problem.....do you have a problem?



"Kick her to the curb".....no, I think that's Kimmie Lee who says that.

I know this isn't the first or last time S4 will drop an emotional bomb on me about this. He is only 4 years old but he's knows what is going on. My W left only a week ago. I can think of two instances where his little 4 year old mind is wanting mommy to come back.

We were going to the post office to mail out some letters and bills the other day, conversation went like this:

S4: Why are we going to post office Daddy?
Me: Well, we have to mail some letters out.
S4: Letters? Why?
Me: They're just to take care of work and bills.
S4: Dad, are you going to mail a letter to Mommy so she can come home?


Another? I was sitting on the couch removing myself from his room because I had an emo moment. He came in, caught me crying and I stopped immediately.

S4: Dad, are you crying? You don't have to cry, it will be ok.
Me: Thank you S4. Sometimes it's OK to cry, S4. It's OK to feel that way, but everything will be fine. Sometimes it happens, and that is OK.
S4: Daddy, are you lonely? (I've never heard him say the word 'lonely' before)
Me: Sometimes, yes I'm lonely. But it's OK to feel that way.
S4: Daddy, I'm lonely too sometimes.
Me: That's OK to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. You're a good boy.
S4: Daddy, I have an idea. Maybe if Mommy comes home you won't be lonely anymore. Ok?

Yes, they are the little peacemakers. And of course he is right. But don't tell her about the conversation. She will think you are trying to use him to manipulate her. He is having the same conversations with her. Let him do the manipulation on his own.