[quote=courts0818]My heart is completely broken. I am married to a dirty, evil snake. He has lived a double life. I have no idea how he can even keep up with both relationships - his affair and his half a$$ attempt at a marriage. He has a new job and says it's so busy and stressful that he has time for nothing yet his sorry a$$ spends ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT IMing her. I even read in the messages that we are both b*tching at him about the same thing. This is completely insane.
yep...about the same as I felt - ya know? just NOT WORTH it!!!!!!
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
If you want to learn more about the addiction of affairs, just Google:
love lust PEA addiction infidelity.
. . . and read where it leads you.
There are great books out there that deal with infidelity, and can explain it better than I do. Look for works by Harley, Janis Spring, Phil McGraw and Penny Tupy.
Why does this never get easier? Last night H decided he wanted to talk about things (the first time in over 2 years). He finally dropped the attiude and let his guard down. He actually looked me in the eyes and seemed sincere. And since he was willing to listen and not just walk out, I said my peace.
I asked him how he could do what he did, how he could hurt DD and I like that and so on. Believe it or not, he took it like a man. He didn't yell, he didn't deny, he didn't shift the blame to me. He dropped the cocky attitude and faced the consequences of his choices. He didn't argue or make excuses. He just kept saying he regrets what he did and said he should have stayed and worked on the marriage. And I didn't cut him any slack, I held him accountable for everything. When he left, he looked like he was carrying the wait of the world on his shoulders.
Over the last 2 days, he's said a few times that he wanted to come home and work on the marriage numerous times but OW said if he left she would tell me everything and he figured if that happened there would be no chance of reconciliation. Is he sincere? IDK. I do know there were times when he did say he wanted to move back home, but as you know it didn't happen.
I wish God could just send me a text message telling me what to do. This is so confusing. _________________________ Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I just got home from my first counseling session. I gotta say, it was helpful. I was in tears a few different times, but wow...it does feel good to release some of that built up poison.
Man I did such a good job on Saturday morning giving H his phone back, followed puppy's advice to a T. Then...the anger took over and I let him have it the last couple of days with text messages. Ugh! Sigh! Ugh!
H assumes that I went to see a lawyer today, but no...that was the appt. for my counseling.
The counselor suggesed that I just sit back for a bit and watch what he does - his actions will show me if he's really sincere about coming back home and working on the marriage. If he doesn't move out of OW's house in a timely fasion, we'll know he didn't mean what he said.
I'm so sick of being patient, but what else can I do?
I think I need to pour a cocktail and get in the pool. : )
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
No, it's not my idea of being patient. I failed that test miserably. : ( I got WAY caught up in the anger and pain and once again let my emotions control me, instead of me controlling them. No excuses. I own it. : (
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
As I have demonstrated, when I'm hurt and angry it's really hard for me to just shut up. I couldn't get the IMs out of my head, the "I Love Yous" & and the sexual comments and I reacted. And knowing that he was still going back to her house I was outraged.
Not an excuse, just being honest.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
As I have demonstrated, when I'm hurt and angry it's really hard for me to just shut up. I couldn't get the IMs out of my head, the "I Love Yous" & and the sexual comments and I reacted. And knowing that he was still going back to her house I was outraged.
Not an excuse, just being honest.
And as long as you continue to operate on your impulses and emotions, you will NEVER save your marriage.
Just being honest.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Courts,
The other thing I'd suggest that you do immediately is go back and re-read what people posted to you 3/3 to 3/4 of this year, esp. Greek. Everything you need to know -- and do -- is in there.
And this time, pray for the strength to actually DO it.
You're exactly right and that's just what I needed to hear. You would think after 2 years of this nonsense I would finally get it right.
I'm off to read what you suggest.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I just read the stuff from March 3 & 4. I feel like an idiot and doormat. End of story.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
