Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Pretty sure its a MLC, now what?

Where IS that "like" button?

I'm with you, Twink!

Lisa,

I'm far from an expert, only been at this for 4 months, but I can tell you that you will get a lot of support and good advice from the people here. Everyone's journey is different. I haven't seen my WH in over 2 months, talked to him once on the phone.

Just as I expect to have other opportunities to take, so will you. As for stages you go through as a LBS, grief is definitely a B@@th. Depression you can get a pill for.

Welcome! And have a Wonderful July 4th.

And yet they are remarkably similiar.

Why you gotta be so smart Gracey!

Where is the "LOVE IT" button?

Hi Lisa,
First, you are to be commended for wanting to save your marriage.

Second, you are in the right place, you will find, acceptance, understanding, advice, friendship and support.

Third, we are here to help YOU.

I have read your thread, I know you are freting about the blowup you had on Tuesday. It was a backslide but that is it and it is not that bad IMO. We all have them....no biggie.

You are gonna get a lot of great advice and support from a lot of great people each person will bring a different perspective. I like to think of myself as the one who will pick out the positives in your sitch that you tend to overlook. Soooo lets start there b/c I see a lot that you have to be hopeful about.

I find if I concentrate on the positives it lifts my spirits and strengthens my endurance and patience. There is that word PATIENCE, get used to that one, your going to need way more than you can imagine.



This is great right here, you both decided to do something to work on the M. Don't get me wrong here, you need to work on you but this is a good thing.



Depending on the situation this probably good as long as you can handle it emotionally which may not be the case right now. What this tells me about your H is he is still interested/attracted to you. I read above where you are getting in shape, this is good but do it for you not for him.



Again spending time together is great and he is not nervous around you or at home. This is all very positive.

Now you have some Positives to look at in your sitch. I hope this helps, and shows you that you can make progress it just sometimes takes someone else to point it out until you start to recognize it yourself.

You now have to start to look at Lisa and start the hard work on
YOU.

Grit is right, it will be a little quiet around here this weekend so use that time to read up. I will try to check in also but if you find yourself in a frenzy and you are letting your emotions kick in, imagine a stop sign. Stop and do something else, breathe and wait 24 hours.

Another thing that helped me when I was on the rollercoaster was to write. Keep a journal, write to yourself, write to your H, write to God, pour out what you are feeling onto paper. It is incredibly therapeutic.

Keeping a journal will help you get through those times like today when you wanted to call your H and you know better than to do so. The other thing keeping a journal will do is help you recognize how far you have come. I look back at the things I wrote a year ago and I can't believe where I was compared to where I am now.

You may have been at this for 8 months or longer the reality is that it is going to take a lot longer but the thing that you will find out is that it never really ends. Your growth is something that will continue for the rest of your life.

We will walk with you as you take your steps and will pick you up when you stumble. You are in the right place.

Welcome, come in and sit down.

Lisa,
Meant to get that to you yesterday but was having technical difficulties. Looks like you are already taking those first steps. Way to go!!!

Again, thank you all for the support, it is great to know that others 'get it'!

Here's another question that popped up as I'm trying to move on with MY life a bit:
His sister is having a baby the end of August, and I'm a host for the mid-August shower. We were both going to fly down for it and I was in charge of working out the flights. Do I just buy my ticket and mention that to him, or still find arrangement for him as well? That is, providing that he wants to go down, he is so angry with his Mom right now I can see him not even going.

Lisa,

I would say something like "What would you like to do with regards to travel arrangements for your sisters baby shower?"
Then, only negotiate if there is something that involves you and you don't want to or can't do it. Otherwise, just say that you understand or it's fine, that type of thing.

I will tell you that we (my D's and I) are taking our 3rd trip with H soon. In my case (at this point, I should say), it is about his being able to share something important with D's.

So, what do you have planned for the weekend?

We are going to soak up the sunshine in my parents pool. D loves splashing in the water. We may also check out a fireworks display, but with D's 7:30 bedtime, I'm not sure if its worth it to mess with her schedule. We'll see!

In other news, H just called out of nowhere and it was an incredibly pleasant conversation. I stayed upbeat, didn't bring any R stuff up, and ended the call first. He just wanted to see what was going on and how D was doing.

I find that being upbeat makes ME happier than being down in the dumps. I understand that I do need to go through some grieving, but it is kinda nice not having to worry about making H ok. Baby steps!