Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help!! STBXW is planning to move w/ DDs in Aug!

yes.

ok, patience. I have to fix everything right now, while the iron is hot, or I panic.

TLFM, you need to calm down and quit feeding her her ammo. Everytime you react like this, you are pushing her further away. If you are fuming, then write an email, but don't send it. Wait a couple of hours, then re-read it, and see if it is what you still want to say.

ok. The long, slow approach. But now that I screwed up, I have to win back some minor trust. Which will be hard seeing that she's shutting me out.

"To keep it simple, I told you 0 contact and I meant it. "

How to recover from that?

maybe in a week or so offer a polite query and some token of peaceful intentions...

I'm beginning to see my w's situation more and more clearly. not only is she taking off in august but she has some utterly bizarre notion that I'm going to steal the girls.

I'm pretty sure her new guy is in NM and he's feeding her a line of b.s., preying on her vulnerability. And there's nothing I can do about it. It occurred to me that I'm going to have to suck up my pride and build a solid foundation for when this all goes to hell on her. No one will be there for here when her dreams crash down and she's stuck far from her family and friends.

No more ultimatums or pettiness. She has to trust in me, that I can help when no one else will. Not to swoop in and steal her back, but because I (dammit) care and want her safe.

I don't have that skill, to create that trust...

My advice.......detach. For your own sanity. She may and or will move on. You need to be able to do the same for yourself. If she comes back, and you are willing to take her back, then great. You can rebuild A NEW relationship. If not, you will be at a point that you are starting a new life for YOU! If her new guy is in NM, so what. At this point, it should be no concern to you. It really is unfortunate for you and DD's that you are not the biodad, I hope you are able to help them in this unfortunate sitch, but you may not be able to. I appologize for the 2X4, but some of these things you may not be able to help.
Shock

hi all, I'm back. Much to tell, but I think I'll just say where I'm at at the moment and fill in the blanks as the situation requires.

On my own, all employed and (relatively) sane. W hasn't moved but plans to next summer. I sent her a big ol' letter about getting along and caring about her and not wanting to hurt her anymore.

We get along well now. No D, but she's still seeing OM and has made it clear she does not see us getting back together.

I just ended a stormy relationship w/ a 21 year old.

I still love my W. I'll be rereading DR but any advice will help.

Oh, and I just paid $200 toward her phone bill and plan on contributing as often as I can.

Bumping...