I find that writing stuff down helps give you a different perspective on your own story. I look forward to seeing your story although it's sad that we all have one.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
Told you that I would give you some book suggestions. The top two authors are about men and the bottom two are about women. I would start with the Jim Conway book, it is a pretty quick read.
"Men in MidLife Crisis" by Jim Conway "Male Menopause" & "Surviving Male Menopause" by Jed Diamond. "Menopause" by Sally Conway "The Wisdom of Menopause" by Christine Northrup
The Northrup book while quite good is VERY thick and long.
You can also check out the suggested reading list in the resources.
You seem to be working very hard at NOT telling us your story. Not that anyone here wants to rush you. This is painful, we know, but, you can't possibly think anything you say is going to be something no one here has ever heard? It cripples our ability to support you when we are in the dark as to exactly what has happened in your life. It is not idle curiosity, it's concern.
Make it long, make it short, but get it out there. Be as colorful or as subdued as you are comfortable with. We are all here for you, either way.
I am watching your thread closer now because it is so similar to where I will be once I am separated or divorced.
Hey buddy ... as much as we gain knowledge, perspective and ideas from reading others threads it would actually be helpful for both us (as support) and for you to be getting sitch specific stuff here on your own thread ...
Lay it out for us ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Hey WS, I am going to take a little "poetic license" here and re-post your first post on the boards. It was actually on someone elses thread but that is okay. You stick around this place long enough not only do you get your own thread but you also get a Tee-shirt too.
See PEI for the Tee-shirt. LOL
Originally Posted By: warriorshadow Dated 5-24-10
HB, It is amazing to me on how much you know. I have been reading most of your posts and I continue to be blown away with your knowledge.
My wife is bouncing all over the different stages now and we have two months before the divorce court day. I find that during her period is always the worst and the most unstable. She is suffering the onset of menopause at the age of 42. All the crazy things she says just boggle the mind. She looked at me while shopping this weekend and said "If you ever did this to me I would HATE you"!
She has said she loves me but the kids,(We have 3 boys) are why she just wants to run. That was right before we went to the psychologist for our first joint session. Logic or Reason plays no part in the mind of my wife.
I have heard from people she works with that she is not the same. She is unable to hide her behavior at work all the time. She is so exhausted that I can tell it is affecting her ability to function.
She keeps saying,"I wish I knew how to fix this"
but then slips back into
"I am going to go through with this" mode.
We were the tightest couple of anyone I have known over my lifetime before this. I am DBing and seeing all the positives of doing that but she keeps feeling and saying that I don't believe that you can change or will stay changed. I don't trust you is what I hear. As if I am supposed to be able to trust her since she had the EA.
My psychologist says I am doing the right things and recognizes MLC. His wife actually went through a horrible MLC and that's how I know I have the right Doc. I was sent to this Doc by divine intervention from above because of the way I can armchair quarterback this by looking back at the path we are on.
I have thoughts of this continuing on after the divorce (should that happen) This has been a nightmare beyond what a nightmare could be. I can see that since she trusts the psychologist that things are moving faster than most of the posts I read.
We still sleep in the same bed (naked of course, same as the last 20 years of marriage) and I give her backrubs almost daily when she awakes. That is the time of day when she is able to connect better with me than any other point of the day. When I have given the backrubs, I almost always get a little info from her on where her head is at. It almost seems like the logical/reasoning side of her is available for that short period of the day.
I know she is suffering in the withdrawl depression stages but hints of the acceptance stage are beginning to appear. Although I have grown weary, your posts help me get through some of that.
We were the only couple in the "How divorce affects children" class this weekend that was holding hands through 75 percent of the 4 hour class. She told me that "We don't belong here" making reference to the fact that all of these going to be divorces in the room were not like us at all.
She just sent me a text just now with the following "I know this weekend was rough... I truly am seeing all that you are doing. One new feeling I had this AM is a hope that U don't give up just yet on me".
So I just replied " You know me better than that" And she just replied "Thank U".
Now I go dim and let her on her way through the day. She has told me her mind is constantly running 100 miles an hour and she can't shut it off as recent as one week ago.
I have tracked the beginnings of this MLC at the very least back to last year at this time when things were going a little differently between us. I was too numb with work and taking care of our boys to realize what was happening. I figured all families with 3 boys like ours have a hectic time throughout various stages in their lives. I also shared that with her many times but it appears this MLC was going to happen no matter what anyone said. It was a timebomb inside my wife that I never imagined would exist.
Posting was in response to a posting by Hearts Blessing Please keep posting. Your words are so unbelievable to me that I can only tell you that you are being one of God's servants to help so many of us out here that are suffering. I don't believe in coincidences anymore and I have recognized the path that God has put me on. There has just been way too many instances through this where God is clearly speaking to me along the way.
I continue to pray to Him and he continues to show me more and more along the way. It is still more difficult than I could ever imagine but I can see why God has chosen me to go through this whole thing. I see no alternative but to give back to others while going through this and also after this as well.
WS, I inserted some breaks to make it easier to read and if you don't mind I will post some other things you have posted about your sitch on other's threads.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
