Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Joint counseling session, continued

starting a new thread as suggested,

here's the old one -
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2041233#Post2041233

I've moved to "going out" now. Funny how mad the W is when I got home, even after telling me I was acting like we're still married.

Last night the kids had a b-day party for her. I left when she got home. When asked where I was going I said out, that way you can have your party.

She went to bed as soon as I got home and did not say word to me. I guess she must not like her dream life so much.

Tomarrow is my W's birthday and I am considering giving her what she wants most.

I have refused to take off my ring saying I would wear it until the D is final. Should I give her the gift of telling her I will stop wearing it since she is seet on D?

I truely believe that no matter what happens I AM married until the court says otherwise but if it is what she wants, then should I give it to her...

Do you want the ring off for YOU? If not I'd leave it on.

Why do you want to take it off? To get any type of reaction from her?

No, I don't want it off, and no I don't think it is about a reaction from her at this point.

I'm tired of hoping, I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I'm tired of working harder than I have ever worked in my life just to get the perverbial slap in the face.

Too much drama, I say. High-school stuff. If you don't want to take it off, Dad, then don't -- that's YOUR choice. Don't let her actions dictate your decisions.

Puppy

I realized last night/this morning that I have lost myself. I have defined myself as a father, a husband, and my career which is solitary by nature. I don't even know who I am and that can not be attractive.

Just don't know what to do at this point.

He took his ring off...I kept mine on. It's not until a couple weeks later where he was behaving very disrespectful I decided to take mine off.

It's like Pup says....your choice.

I have taken some time away from here to gather myself over the last few days. I think I am finally detaching (sadly). I have been dim/dark but it's hard with the kids and trying to get the house ready to sell.

W called this afternoon to tell D8 she would be home before she went to bed. (normally she gets home about 6pm)

W shows up at 9pm, runs straight to the shower, then says goodnight to D8. Proceeds to go to bed, I said good night as she did and she returned in her cutsy loving tone she has always used. No other conversation with me, but did with S16.

I feel nothing. I am actually kind of numb, but there is a sadness deep inside. No anger though.

I certainly don't like it but have to accept it I guess.

thanks everyone

(((Dad)))

I haven't read your full sitch, but can relate to what you're going through. Everything you do now is for your kids and you. Not her, not to send a message (except that you will be ok w/out her).

You say you've lost yourself and have defined yourself completely through your family and work. Who did you used to be before you were married and had kids? What did you like to do with your free time? What have you always wanted to try but haven't? I know it seems impossible to think of these things now, let alone motivate to get out there and do things when you'd rather lie around and do nothing, but it will help--

Dad,

You can only change what you can change and accept what you cannot.

In D, it is sad and not very easy. I am there too, and I wish we both were not.

Keep the anger out of it and do your best to find your own happiness.