I also wanted to say that since the baby was born 7 weeks ago, I probably did better with DBing than the months before. With my hands full, and busy with feedings and diapering and baby this and that, truth is I haven't had much time to dwell on my M to H. Yes, we had a few conversations and moments. But different from before. I realized I didn't need anyone anymore. My son truly means the world to me. I think I indirectly DB'd and was the happiest I'd been in a long long time! I felt confident and tryly happy and content! My focus became me and my son. I accepted this is my family, and that H would always be a huge part of my life. I didn't pressure H to be with us.
I truly believe this pushed Hs feelings to where he is today. Funny though, all the past few months where I swore he was giving me mixed signals, and here he was in fact having feelings and doubts of his decision. But now he is very direct and forward.
I hope he continues to fight through for us...
H said he was afraid I didn't want to try anything anymore... Wow! I acted like well... We can try... Its going be hard work but sure.
Oh and H said I am the best mom ever hahahaha and he wants us to eventually have the family with children nd life we always dreamed of. Said our son was truly a gift and made out of love and a reminder of our love.
Yes, it's piecing. But he enjoys the chase. So don't let him catch you easily. Have you considered a Retrouvaille weekend. They you lead you down the road to reconciliation. check the website www.helpourmarriage.org for dates and locations of weekends. It's best to strike while the iron is hot. They will make him realize how he hurt you without you having to paint the picture for him.
I think you might be in Piecing!!! Maybe time to start a new thread there to get some more pointed advice as you enter this new stage? What a great outcome. WH has said all the right things BD. I am very, very happy for you. xxxxxxx
Retrouvaille could be interesting..what r your thoughts?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Good idea P. Lotus he does like the chase. And I will be cutios & H will have to work hard for the role he wishes to play in my life.
I looked into retrouvaille months ago... Was curious and wanted to learn more about it. I actually requested information and they sent me paperwork. I think it would be a great tool for us.
Piano, should I wait and see before starting a thread in piecing? Not sure what peicing really is to be honest. Oh and H has said all the right things, but let's see if his actions and feelings match up right? Guess this is where I take a huge leap of faith and walk teeny tiny baby steps. My instincts are usually pretty in tune... Let's see if I'm right this time. I'm not as scared as I am excited and cautious. There is a part of me that is believing we truly can make it work, if we work hard at it.
We talked last night about our honeymoon and "date nights" and how important they were b/c we pushed aside th entire world for ourselves, and we talked about how he needs to put me first. To me this is the first and most important for now. H said that is why he didn't speak up weeks ago, because he needed to dedicate himself to passing his boards so that he can start working to financially support me and the baby. He knew he couldn't give it his all. But says now he is ready to make me first in his life. And thee baby too of course!
There are quite a lot of people on this forum who have been to Retrouvaille. Is it an American thing? I had never heard of it before, but sounds really, really good.
I think you should pop over to Piecing and check out some threads there. It's people who are piecing their marriage back together again. I think you are headed in that direction. The people over there give each other support and tips along the way, and of course it doesn't stop us old friends from dropping in.
No rush BD, you are good here for now :-)
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Piano, Retrouvaille is international, but from looking on their site, they are not yet in Australia??? I am more spiritual than religious but with that said I often go to church just to light candles and pray. I found the cutest church near my place of work, and when I was pregnant I would often take walks there and just sit there during the day. It brought me great comfort. And of course I prayed to everyone and everyone to save my marriage. Last week, when H and I went for a walk, we were nearby the church and I told H how beautiful it was, and so we went inside. This time we lit candles together and just sat for a couple of minutes... reflecting... for me it was almost a relieved feeling as I remember being pregnant sitting there either crying or asking for stregnth or lighting candles and praying to the saints... H just looked at me... there was a weird peaceful look in his eyes! He lit candles too and of course we had the baby with us and it felt good to know that I survived. that I had made it through the worse time of my life and how my son make life so worth while. Anyway, I got carried away... There was a brochure on the way out and it was about saving your marriage... hello??? God??? trying to send me a sign? and on the pamphlet was information about Retrouvaille. So I know Piano, you said earlier you were not so religious but perhaps your local church may have information if Retrouvaille is around you? Just in case!
Think I may start a thread over in Piecing... So that I can get tips and advice from others on there... but I need you... my friends to be there for me as you always are! I have been reading some of there posts... interesting...
hahahaha and he wants us to eventually have the family with children nd life we always dreamed of. Said our son was truly a gift and made out of love and a reminder of our love.