Update: She said she failed the poly and didnt take the F**king money and doesn't want to come home right now. She says without the job now she has nothing! She wants to call her mom and dad too. _________________________ Me, 44 W,39 S,6 D,6 Married June 16, 1989 Wife wants mediation divorce ASAP.
My heart goes out to you.
You have gotten some good advice.
Your wife is incredibly self destructive. So self destructive that her parents have called her on it. So self destructive that she is now on the verge of being in trouble with the police.
It is time for you to save your children and that means giving her the "mediation divorce ASAP." Once you have saved your children and established a safe living situation for them, you can try to help you wife in away that will not destroy your children's future.
Good luck to you and your family.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Self-destructive or not polygraphs aren't really a good way to see if someone, especially a stressed someone is telling the truth. They can easily be manipulated to provide the desired result and if she's addicted to medication that could cause great stress. Don't consider polygraphs to be the "great lie detector" because they aren't, they just measure how stressed you are for the most part. Watch the Penn & Teller show on polygraphs, it's pretty close to the truth.
Take care of yourself and your family and make sure she has good legal representation.
She could be going to more than one doctor to get the prescriptions she's hooked on. With the odd behavior she's showing, she may have turned to getting it through somebody else. I think you can get some of that stuff on line....IDK. That could account for the vanishing money.
Anyway, I believe her health situation is more important right now...more than OM. I agree that you need to protect your children and your money.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Went out looking for her last night and finally got her home by 3 am. She is already up and gone at 7 am for work. She is sure she will lose her job. Still doesn't really want to talk to me because of the D. She said I guess you get the kids now. I told her I wasn't worried about the M I was worried about her. She said I guess you can bail me out today when they pick me up.
Mediation divorce at this time good? Will that not push her over the edge? I am worried about her harming herself. She has always been so in control for 20 years. I tried to tell her to not push me away and that I will help in any way I can.
She has access to money and wouldn't need to take it. She has $5k in her checking, $1k in savings, and $6k in a CD that she has access to.
She never has trouble falling asleep and the Fioricet is caffeine too. IDK...
I checked her phone to see who else she called in her time of need last night. At 12:30 am when she had called me from the Sheriff's parking lot crying and said she didn't want to come home yet. I figured she would rather be consoled by OM. She only called me and her mother and went the drove around in the opposite direction o possible OM's side of town. I truly believe their is no OM.
During that phone call she hinted that I had set her up which hurt. She hurt me last week telling her lawyer that she feared for her safety from me if she got her own apartment.
I am going to put my wedding ring back on. She has never taken hers off.
I have IC today. Couldn't have come at a better time.
Chuck
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I would be scared to trust her with any money at this point. You know she's not herself and she could wipe both accounts out. She's using her job as a cover-up for something else.
She's taking something to jack her up b/c her body could not hold up to that kind of beating.
You may need to consider some type of intervention.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I went to the local behavior clinic that has cancelled on her twice in a row. She is scheduled for her first ever IC in mid Aug. I told them she will be dead by then. They said they had an opening today.
She did not lose her job but is the prime suspect and said she probably cant break away for IC. I gave her the paperwork with the number and told her to cancel then. I said if you have 50 minutes to spare the appointment is there.
I also told her I love her (knowing it breaks the rules) and was not going to file for D. She said I still doesn't know what she is going to do. I said fair enough. So she could always file, nothing you can do about that.
I also paid the entire summer school bill for the kids so she would top worrying about that.
Still cant believe she wanted to work the cashier at the C-store? If she thought the D was going to go through in a couple of months then she would have received a large amount of money. She has more than enough money until then.
Her Fioricet bottle still has quite a few pills in it, so she is not popping them like candy. She has been drinking every night. I need to get the alcohol out of the house. She will just buy more tomorrow but it will give her one night off at least... She usually only has one but she weighs so little.
I have IC tonight at 6...boy is that needed!
I have seen how she works. She brings work home with her and prides herself in it. She loves crunching numbers and can do that all night long. I don't think its a cover. She has always been dedicated to whatever job she does.
Chuck, I know you love her but she is hiding something from you, your family and everyone else. Either she is abusing some other kind of pills, she's involved with OM, or who can guess at this point. Her behavior is showing you a completely different person right now. You need to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.
Call her D L. They can at least give you a referral. That L can then assess your W's true legal status. They will be watching her every move and yours.
After that, you probably should back away from the situation and let it play out on its on. You've told her ILY, suggested IC, made an appt. After you get her some legal help, that's all you can do. She's going to have to do the rest on her own. You're going to have to protect your girls and yourself.
I did call her D L this morning who referred her to Criminal L. Dont know if she called C L or not. just talked with W who said she could not make IC.
I don't think it's OM or addiction. I think its inside her. She went to 40 clothes stores (not to include Walmart and all the other kinds of stores) in the month of June. You buy new clothes for an OM but you don't spend all your time at the stores. She took 2 hour lunches and shopped in different parts of town. I check the times on the receipts. I think she buys to make herself feel better to escape reality.
I will try to GAL at home and take care of my kids. 90% of the money are in accts she cant touch. We have actually talked more since the investigation than we have in days. Really a shame she has still never been to an IC.
I sure hope you're wrong about hiding something.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
BTW, it's one of the hardest things to do but is neccessary for your own well being. I have been trying for 6 mo. and have not fully detached yet. And it shows in my posts and, I'm sure, at home.
Read up and put into practice what the vets preach.
