Well last night was a night for surprisingly stupid stuff but lots of fun!!!
Asked my h to watch kids so I could go out....he's always clamoring for time with them so why not? So I pick up my friend and head to his place to drop off boys but I do not go in. He calls my cell and says what you can't come up. I say no cause I have my friend in the car and he hangs up on me. So I run up to his apartment and asked what is the problem? He says so you have time for your friends and not your husband...is that how it is? I say no but you never call to ask me to go out...he said well you can call me because all I do most nights is sit here and watch TV. I say is that what I know...NO...I have no idea what you do. I say don't give me a hard time cause I'm going out to have fun! He says where...I say I don't know. Oh, so now you don't KNOW he says. I say ok I'm going to Antone's. He says well you sure got money to blow!!! I say oh come on I don't bother you when you go out and spend your money partying. He says yeah where do I go partying. I say leave me alone cause I don't need this s**t!!! He says well how come you don't want to spend time with your h? I say you've already told me you are too busy watching TV to take my calls. He says I don't know how we are going to fix this if you never call then slams the bathroom door in my face. I say well you know what? I have a f*****g phone too!!! I say I'm out of here!!!
So then I'm in my van, it's about 15 minutes later and he calls my cell. He says go have your couple of drinks then come back to my place. I say ok got to go.
I don't come in until 3am!!! I had so much fun with my friends that I didn't want to come home but it was cold out and I was kind of tired by 2:30am!!! So I go back to his place and my h and I make L.
This morning he calls me to invite the boys and I to a hockey game. So now he's all hot to trot about going out with me.
In retrospect next time I won't call him to babysit when I go out. It bothered him too much to know my plans.
Anyway I guess progress is being made! He sees me moving on with my life and is getting scared that I'll get away!!! Cool!
Counseling is on Tuesday too!!! I'm sure he'll have lots to tell the MC. I'll say more Monday because I'll be with h the rest of the weekend!!!!
I would not argue with him, but still stick to my guns. If he wants to go out with you...let him now and then. Tell him you are available on a certain night, if he can find a sitter for the kids...you'd love to let him take you out.
This long holiday weekend was fun! Not a bunch of interaction with h...he's not a talker. But we got around and went out as a family. To the hockey game Saturday night, to breakfast Sunday morning, then to a crafts show, to the bookstore and then h cooked us dinner at his place.
Saturday night though he slept in the chair in the living room ...don't know what that was about.
The whole weekend though I thought to myself...what is it that I'm going to do that will set him off? Will it be the toothpaste on the counter, the bed unmade, not holding his hand? I'm waiting right now for his call to b***h me out for something!
Please don't argue with H. My Ex and I are making progress, but she like you does not want to show anything in front of our son. You can have fun, go out, but do you really want to be confrontational with H. It does sound though that some progress has been made. Take it one day at a time. Hope counseling reveals something that can take you 2 closer.
Quote: Will it be the toothpaste on the counter, the bed unmade, not holding his hand? I'm waiting right now for his call to b***h me out for something!
You sound like me on Monday morning
If H does try to start something, don't react. Do something different...it does work...
During the conversation with h, I tried to be as forthright as I could. I tried to keep my voice calm and nuetral as I answered his where, why, who, what, how long questions about my night out. The only part that caused him to slam the door was when we could not decide who should call who!
I'm always the one to call. And when I do it's the wrong time, he's busy, he's watching tv. When I tried to ask when would be a good time to call he says no evenings are good cause he has a show on. So I stopped calling him. Now he wants me to go back to calling him? Argh!!!
Even after the events of this holiday, I wonder if this m is something I really want. I was horrified by the amount of R rated movies my h has allowed my children to watch. One he had on for them, Van Wilder, had lots of sexual content (ie, guys eating dog semen in an eclair, in congnito sex acts, obvious sex acts doggy style, jerking a dog off etc) and nudity (lots of bare breasts, thongs)...my boys are only 10 & 11. Then h wanted to watch Shakira in concert...she's a little trashy, I think. So when I opted not to let the kids watch it my h went into the bedroom throwing my son's teddy bear against the door. He's just really into these type movies that show lots of skin AND then lets our kids watch it. I just don't like it but didn't say anything because unfortunately my boys had already seen it during their last stay with h.
I know we have lots of issues in our m and with the raising of our kids. Hopefully and prayerfully, at tomorrow's counseling session solutions can be reached where these can be taken care of. My h just doesn't think these things hurt the kids.
Hang in there. Remember the alien theory, your H has been captured and it seems like he is trying to break there grasp on him. Just be the lovin wonderful woman he fell in love with. If its meant to be, it will be. Either way, you will be a better person and hopefully you 2 will have a better M.
Cindy, Thanks for your awesome post to my thread. Please remember to ask your C tomorrow about a SB counselor here in San Antonio. And if you can, mention OW... sometimes counselors immediately go to the big D if infidelity is involved. Have a great day tomorrow, hope C is wonderful and the session is productive.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thought I stop in to tell y'all all about our first round of counseling with the solution based Reconciliation Ministries!
As you are aware, my h and I have been to counseling before...1 session at a therapist that was not solution based. Needless to say it didn't go well nor were there positive marital results.
This one was a different story. Not only will there be homework, healing of past issues, getting to know our REAL selves but the counselor's purpose is based on God's word. He actually said that the d word should no longer be used or even thought of because it is the wrong thing to do. We would not be any happier divorced. He looked at my h at one point telling him not to check out on the talk...cause at one point h was drifting off. The c said that it would be hard work to fix our m but it was doeable and worth it.
Oh, it was so good to hear it!
Though my h expressed his dislike at the amount of scripture the man used, he agreed to return because he really like how the c laid us out about our behavior. And he liked how it was solution oriented and not a pity party.
Some other highlights:
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest:
1. My h gave his concern for me and love for me a 8/9 (I said I expected him to say 3) 2. My h gave his hope level for our marriage a 7/8. 3. H said he was very uncomfortable with another divorce that is why he agreed to a continuance. 4. h said that he doesn't expect our m to be fixed in 90 days but does think he can decide by January if it is going well. (Will need to define what's going well means. 5. Admitted that back in April (when he had dates with ow) that he was extremely tired of being separated and of us.
As for me I admitted to being without hope for me personally being able to do anything to save the m, but that all my hope was in God to fix it. C also stressed that the CHOICE to love was the decision that Jeff needed to make. Love is a commitment and one that we should show his boys how to do. Love is a promise that we made when we said I do. He said that my h should considered himself a Delta Force soldier in that it was his job to protect his family.
Overall the MC was very promising more so than the other since I felt like the C had a vision for our marriage being whole and happy. I felt that the c didn't single out either one of us but that he sought to really show each of us what our role was in the discord we have now. He even said it was a stupid move for me to file for a d just to manipulate my husband into doing what I wanted. Then he turned to h and said that he was hearing what I wanted from him but didn't know how to do it...and there in lay his choice to love or not. The c said h can do it...he just needs to decide to do it. The c also said that I need to understand that the things I want are especially hard for a man to do PERIOD and that I will not get immediate results (well duh said my h I told her that!!!) but that through the counseling, the c would show me how to get them without causing h to shut down!
I'm excited to finally have some help getting my h to understand the words that are coming out of my mouth!!!! And I can be a w that my h feels safe enough to open up with.
Oh, and my h showed up at my job today to take me to lunch!
...don't know what that was about.
