Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What women find attractive.

Great list PH, thank you! Could you please explain this one more, confidence in particular. Does that mean having a good opinion about yourself or beyond that?

Also, I wanted to ask a question about confidence vs. openness. Sometimes they seem to go opposite ends, like if you're insecure about something. Being open will reveal the lack of confidence, but trying to be confident will prevent you from being open.

Great post Coach - thanks for starting this. One item I find very attractive in my H is some perceptiveness. Not to the point where I expect him to read my mind. More his proactiveness to learn what helps me open up and share what's on my mind.

For example, there have been many times where I've really, really need to say something difficult to my H but I'm scared to - for whatever reason - scared he'll take offense, scared he'll dismiss my concern. So usually, I just bottled it up because I just didn't know how to start. Once though, my H looked at me and said: 'You've got that look on your face again; the one you get when you want to say something but can't - it's ok, talk to me.' That did it. The tears came, and then I finally blurted it out. The other thing he did that helped was simply to touch me, just gently on the arm or shoulder - and for just a moment. Same reaction in me. Tears then blurt.

It was like my H made a concerted effort on his own, to get to know what made me 'tick'. It made me feel very special, connected and accepted, and I therefore found it very attractive in him.

I know this is going to sound old fashioned, but something that I think is very attractive in men (I suppose in women possibly as well) is high morals, being honorable, keeping promises, not lying.
Whenever I wonder what, besides being in love and the connection between us, made me decide to marry my H, I always think of these qualities, that he's a man of integrity and I admire it greatly.

W been doing #1 ever since I got the 'bomb', she'd done very little of this in the last 5 years since the girls were born. Understandable as full time sahm with twins, but NOW she decides to do this, and want's nothing to do with me, very frustrating and hurtful.

let's take the focus off her and back on to YOU.
what are YOU working on to make YOU an attractive man?

This is my list of how to attract a female.

1) Start off by living a healthy lifestyle. Make healthy choices when eating. Drink plenty of water. Get good sleep. Exercise regularly. Take care of your body. Alcohol in moderation. Set a goal to reach, and then maintain, your ideal weight.

2) Make good grooming and hygiene a ritual. Accentuate the differences between the sexes.

3) Dress with style - fit, compliment, cohesive, unique, personal touch

4) Attitude (state of mind) – Happy (smile), Cool (Open and relaxed body language), Calm (slow), Confident (eye contact), humorous, seductive (ozz sex), Depth (mysterious, surprise ), Sincere , Interesting, Engaging

5) Awareness/Flirting ( 93% of communication is non verbal (body language) – study and enjoy what you find attractive and your body will naturally follow your thoughts. It is the ladies job to catch and hold a mans eye, several times if needed. This signals it is OK for him to approach. It is the mans job to approach the woman.

6) Social proof - Enjoy interacting with everyone, especially attractive members of the opposite sex. Maintain your personal boundaries with everyone.

Make them feel important, you are aware of them, you see their wants and anticipate them. You "see" them. Creates the emotional connection.

Well, I've done the same for my physical appearance. Since I work from home I would generally shower and throw on a t-shirt and shorts. I've since lost 28lbs, back to my weight when we first met. I did the hair cut, gel in the hair which loses a lot of the grey I picked up in the last 5 years. Always have some smell good on, etc. I got a TON of compliments at the trade show about how good I looked.

I still need to work on 'within', like the topic of this thread, confidence - the physical part was easy

it's a great start.
but i think the confidence is really preventing you from really shining.

it's like when bears smell fear. it doesn't matter if you hide your fears, it will still show. you have to truly believe that you are fearless .. and then the bear will back down.

changes to your outer appearance is a great start. now if we get that confidence shining through, you will be unstoppable and people are really going to notice.

and like pinhead said .. confidence makes up where one may be lacking in the looks department. i'm not saying this is your case, but confidence adds that je ne sais quoi ..

yes, it is. I know she can sense a lot of my 'fears'. This has just hit me to the core, never expected it. Even people we know that are aware of what is happening, are completely shocked, just because we'd always been so inseparable, had such a strong connection and relationship.