Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Another sad story

I'm in the same exact boat. I'm trying to let go, and give up hope, but I can't and I don't know why either. He wants NOTHING to do with me. I wish I could go back to the day of the bomb, and really DB my heart out, I fear now it's just too late. He sees his L the 30th to begin the D, and I'm in panic mode. I feel like there's a hole in my chest.

Sorry for your sadness and pain.

I have been in the panic mode for a week now. It's desperation.

The past few days I have been struggling with accepting my 14 year M is over. I made many errors trying to retain it. I DB'ed like crazy, but it didn't help. My H was already mentally out. This is important-if your H or W is ALREADY mentally OUT, nothing you do will change that.

At this point all we can do is let the WAW or WAH go. There is no other way. Painful, sad, scary, you bet, but all we can do is be brave, take care of resolving the "business" side of things and let GO. Once that is done, we are then free to focus on building a life for ourselves.

The excellent advice by the pros on this site really needs to be heeded.I reviewed the advice, but until today, I didn't fully heed their very important message. Whatever Coach, Gardner and others say, heed it and DO IT!

It is not in LBS's control to do anything else but admit to ourselves M is over and truly believe it and move on. ACCEPT the M as dead. If lucky, possibly a new M can be built, but it takes TWO willing to do that.

Once we truly let go, some of the pain goes too.....

Good luck to everyone!

I get so angry when she says that her number one priority is our children. And then I try and figure out how this will affect their future; emotionally, financially. My finances are going to be horrible if things go well. If she lawyers up and I get hit with alimony and lose joint custody, it's going to be beyond horrible. I sit and try to figure out how I'm going to take care of my girls, how I'm going to pay off the debt she's helped accumulate, and I lose my mind.

I'm detached about her leaving. That's a given that I've accepted as happening no matter what I say, do, or think.

But this anger just keeps welling up. And I don't know what to do with it except post here.

W and I spent an hour paying bills, going over our budget, and how things work financially. It was really hard to stay focused, and it was almost like having a R talk. She has always blamed me for our financial sitch, never taking responsibility for her actions. So today was really hard to go over this stuff. Realizing that what little retirement money I have is going to be gone, money I've scraped together since wiping out my old 401ks to pay my medical bills in 2005/2006.

I've dreamed and planned of providing so well for my daughters, so now I have to face the truth that I can't. I never should have counted on my wife. Never. And I never will again.

I understand what this kinda means but what is the exact meaning of mentally out? Since reading this post Im trying to figure out if mine is out. She is doubtful if things with me will stay changed? She wants our family togther, but scared to risk getting hurt again. She doesnt have a lot of faith but said she would come back if things were proven changed? She wants the kids to come from a soild family base. I cant get her to jump "on board" yet with a commitment but she doesnt really want a divorce deep down. She says divorce in the heat of battle to only take it back durning civil times" Is she checked out?

I feel your pain brother. Im tight now too. Im paying everything on one check. Things we got together. I cant do the things I use to for the kids as all the extras. My wife is in the same boat.It sucks. It effects their future so much. The cons out weigh the pros big time, but they dodnt see it, they say they do and they care but can you really if you quit so easy? If you tell them that though they flip.

PH,

I know that things are tough for you, but you will be okay.

It is tough what is happening in our lives, but you have to keep positive and do not lose the fighting spirit you have had for so long.

It is good that you are not depending on your W. It is you that you have to depend on now for you and the kids. You will still be able to take care of your D's futures. You will just have to check your options/alternative and make it happen.

Do your best always!!!

I made dinner for the four of us, and was seething inside the entire time. My wife could tell I was upset, but I didn't want to talk about it then. As soon as dinner was done, I took the trash out, and went for a drive. Needed to clear my head, and really ignore my fear. I thought about things for an hour, and realized that I wasn't leading, wasn't showing my daughters how a man acts, wasn't giving them the safe, supportive environment that they need and deserve.

Came home in time to put my girls to bed. W was dressed up and ready to go out, probably to her job since she doesn't do anything else. I calmly told her that I needed to talk to her before she left. She snapped at me, "What'd I do now?" I ignored that and said that she needs to move out now. And that I wanted her to sleep downstairs on our sofa so that I could get a goodnight's sleep for the first time in two months. She was shocked. And angry. Didn't say a word, just left.

Don't know if I did the "Right Thing." I just knew that the limbo was hurting me, and more importantly hurting my daughters. And that tolerating it any longer was cowardly.

You've been spinning your wheels. Telling her to move out/sleep downstairs is traction. It is hard. But that was a good move.

I agree, she wants out, she needs to get moving to couch or elsewhere. I can relate, I didnt have to ask or tell her, when she realized I wasnt leaving she moved herself to the guest room. I would say by doing that Pin, you pulled the a piece of the cake out of her mouth.