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Originally Posted By: SunnyD
Yes, definitely a good post by QS! I'm living that as well right now. Allen was even trying to come up with a new term for spouses like ours (my H and QS's W) because they just seem on the prowl for anyone but their current W or H! I came up with Trolling... lol



I call 'em Hell-Bent.

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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
Yes, definitely a good post by QS! I'm living that as well right now. Allen was even trying to come up with a new term for spouses like ours (my H and QS's W) because they just seem on the prowl for anyone but their current W or H! I came up with Trolling... lol



I call 'em Hell-Bent.


Which is where they may end up because of their CB!!! LOL

Just Kidding...that's not for me to judge. Had to say it though!

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Quote:
A better question than the cell phone is what OTHER behaviours is he showing that are odd or make you uncomfortable.

there isn't anything really.
first of all, we are physically separated - living in the same apartment building (different apartments, different floors).
is seeing someone after you've asked for separation considered 'cheating'?

initially during in-house separation, he started watching football at the bars. that lasted maybe 2 weeks and then he started coming home to watch.
he would be home every night.
then we sold the house, and physically separated.
since then, we started playing squash at the same club.
he would play on most weeknights (including friday nights).
the past week and a half, he hasn't been at the club.
he's let himself go by gaining weight (not muscle).
and my l recently requested he justify all his claims on his financial statement with proof. i think that got him in a tizzy and he has had to find time to produce all of this proof.
again, could be me justifying his actions?

i would go home to change before heading out and i'd see his car in the garage around 6:30 pm.
i'd check out his car and there would be gas receipts, food wrappers, etc scattered all over the passenger seat.
i'd head out to play squash, come home around 10:30 pm and he'd be at home.
i've noticed that his car doesn't move over the weekends. it's like he stays in his apartment all weekend long.
i don't have access to any of his other communication devices (ie. computer, home phone).
but his cell phone records are pretty clean - plenty of calls to his parents (which makes you think he's having an A with mom and dad!).
i haven't noticed whether he has been dressing better or not. i don't run into him that often despite living in the same building.

but he has changed all of his passwords, created new email accounts, etc.

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DFML if he's doing something behind your back that he would NOT do if you were there WATCHING he's cheating

Misuse of household funds - cheating
Porn use - cheating
Pursuing female attention - cheating

You would NOT allow this done in FRONT of you, so he's cheating.

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DFMiL, he' at least trolling if he isnt' already involved with someone specifically.

Why on earth are you playing squash with him if you dont' trust him and you think he may be cheating? you are validating negative behaviour

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Quote:
Why on earth are you playing squash with him if you dont' trust him and you think he may be cheating? you are validating negative behaviour

i didn't believe he was cheating up until recently.

but i think i found my answer here.
i considered hiring a PI but i don't have the $$ now.

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You do'nt need to prove it. ACT as IF he's cheating.

If you wait til he' slips up its just giong to be further along.

Put a stop to it now.

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is it cheating if it happened after separation?

is there any reason to continue to hide it after we've separated?

how do i put a stop to it? i have no solid proof.

Last edited by DumpedforMIL; 07/22/10 05:03 PM.
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You don't need PROOF to ACT on it

The FIRST thing you do is STOP playing SQUASH with him

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Quote:
I need my space to decide what to do about our relationship"

Quote:
Straying partners come up with all sorts of reasons why they need to separate from their spouse.
I look at this as highly suspicious. Mitigating circumstances would include verbal or physical abuse or addiction on the part of the other spouse (you).


If I may obtain some advise.
This strikes a chord big-timeI have been legally separated for 4 months but my wife has been very very unhappy for years she clams. We have two children 4 and 7
I just searched face book and low and behold she has an account. To add insult to injury there are pictures of two men each of which have there one daughter in the picture. I have been married 10 years I have never seen these men. PLEASE help… I do not know what to do.
Do I confront her to try and clear my mind / is it any of my business.
Comments please.
Stich

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