Believe me, we are all happy for you, but Warrior Shadow and PDT are right. The moods he may go through right now would make a bipolar maniac look like Mother Theresa. We could be wrong, everything could be 100% sincere. Just protect yourself. As said above, enjoy the wave, but be prepared for the wipeout.
Glad to hear back from you, girl. I was getting worried.
NOW is the time for you to continue detaching, GALing and generally ... DOING THE WORK! If you haven't read it yet, then I would suggest "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" and both DB and DR.
Pushing too close could easily trigger him to pull back, and as everyone here has said already, the likelyhood that he might pull back into the tunnel is high. Emotionally protect yourself ... love him, but continue to do the work that will help you be a strong, confident, healthy woman whether he sticks around or not!
Good luck! PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I know in my heart that I will be ok and that is all I needed to know.
This worries me ... it sounds like you now "know" you are going to be ok ... now that he is back, now that he is ready to work on the marriage ...
How are you going to continue to work on YOU, what are you going to do, so that you truly believe you will be OK regardless of the choices and decisions that your H makes, now or in the future?
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
As everyone has already said...be careful...be very careful. Go SLOWLY....
IMO, he needs to be very remorseful and read Puppy's comments to you.
Whatever you do...stay true to YOU.
Good luck and God Bless
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Puppy, I had a list of about 8 things. The two deal breakers were, a)he had to cut things off with OW. No more contact period. I would not share him with anyone else. b)we needed to start moving forward with some kind of physical and emotional intimacy. Slowly, but something needed to happen. I can't live like roommates anymore.
the other things were : - marriage Counseling -calls when out of town, texts, emails, notes to tell me he is thinking about me and cares. -flowers -cards -reconcile with our families -make plans and talk about future goals together -stop sneaking around and hiding/locking his phone and computer -oogle me instead of women at grocery stores
That's all I can think of. They were mainly suggestions that he asked for. He has started doing most of them already. I made sure he knew they were not demands..but suggestions. He is an intelligent and creative man..he can think of stuff too.
OK. You need to make sure he is COMPLETELY transparent with you -- not dribs and drabs, a password here and an unlocked phone there. Your transparency plan is your firewall, between predator OW and the safety of your marriage with your husband.
And I would HIGHLY recommend that you have at least ONE form of intel, that is NOT known to your husband (for the obvious reasons).
Finally, and I know this is painful and personal, but you should really insist on a full-panel STD test, with a copy of the results going to you, before you get intimate with him. Please be safe.
Well guys..thanks for caring about me and also for your comments. I know it probably doesn't make sense, but the reason it's different is because I am prepared to move on if he doesn't try this time. I know you all say, hang in there and all that..but I was done on friday and I am not backing down on any of my dealbreakers. There are only two dealbreakers. The other things were suggestions for how he could show me he was trying cuz he kept telling me he was trying in his own way..but he wasn't..he basically was just here. I am not trying to sound bitchy, but I just got tired of hoping, obsessing, crying, putting my life on hold. and by letting all that go, it made me feel 100% better. I know I will be ok no matter what happens. If I move and start over, I am not afraid anymore. If we stay and trudge thru this, great...but I'm not doing all the work anymore and I'm not undoing the financial protections I put in place to help me in the event of a separation or divorce. I also will not move all my stuff in the winter so if he decides not to work on this after..oh say..about September/November...then he will have to wait until next spring for me to evacuate the house.
Don't get me wrong..I love him dearly and really hope it works..he knows this. But I'm done with the back and forth stuff. He was very vocal about telling me he was not a member of any dating website nor does he have a FB account. I believe him. At the very least, I don't care anymore anyway. I'll be able to tell if things aren't going the way we agreed. So, as for my being careful..I've done all I can do and now it's pretty much up to him. I am going about my life. I told him I want the old person I used to be back again and so does everyone else I know. So, enough of this baloney. He can do whatever he wants.
I am searching for a new counselor as we speak. A marriage counselor this time. Some of the things you all have mentioned will be brought up there and we can address them then. I plan to make an appt for next week. I already told him and he agreed. I would like a solution based counselor that is versed in MWD principles..do you know how I can find one of those in my area?
