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Ok, I fee pretty good about the facebook thing. I confronted him as soon as he walked through the door. Not in an ugly way, just, have you got a minute? And he immediately was open and said he does not have an account.

Now, I think I do believe him. He is by nature highly suspicious (doesn't ever put personal info on the web--hates when I put Credit Card stuff on there, etc.) He also is almost computer illiterate and can barely type (I even type his emails for him usually).

What happened is, and if anyone can tell me why or how to check up on this I am all ears: He got an email from someone that wanted to "friend" him. I have never heard of this female person before. In the email, at the bottom, were 6-7 people that my H does know that have sites. They know him, but they do NOT know each other. A couple people from work, his brother, and the wife of a good friend of ours.

I have NEVER gotten an email like that--I am highly suspicious of how he got something like that. He swears up and down he has no account--never made one--and when you search for him, he doesn't come up (I had my S do this). Now, can they have an account and just not be in the facebook search engine??

If I find out he has lied, OMG, he is NAILED. Lurking in infedelity has given me the tools to deal with THAT just as SOON as it rears its ugly head!

Someone could be asking him to get on facebook as a friend. It doesn't mean he has an account just that someone on there is asking him to be. I remember I had a couple different people ask me to join up on FB.

FB can be a lot of fun reuniting with old friends but if someone isn't careful it can lead to more. I love that I can chat with people all over as I was an exchange student in Denmark and hosted a daughter from Slovakia. Just because someone has an account, it doesn't mean they are cheating. Just keep an eye on it.

Kat

Right--that is what I am doing--keeping an eye on it.

H has this ex girlfriend that I KNOW is looking for him. I don't know if I posted this, but the last time we had trouble (6 years ago) she called and when she asked for H, I asked who this was? She hesitated and said "ex Gfriend name" and I asked if she was his ex and she said yes". We were in the middle of all our trouble and this was NOT the time to talk to him, and I told her that we had a son, and I didn't think reconnecting with old Gfrieds right now was such a good idea. I asked if her H knew of this call and she got pretty flustered and I took that as a NO.

So no contact for 6 years and then a couple of months ago, out of the blue, there is a package for H. It has a shell and a book in it. She sends my H a book? um? wtf?? And the shell his Gmother gave her, since she died she thought he may want it back. Sure.

She sent in the mail and I didn't think anything of it until he got it. When I asked what he got he got mad and I didn't think much of it but then later I must have been suspicious, as I asked again what it was and he told me and SWORE he didn't contact her.

I am thinking someone in his family tells her when we have trouble and she "pops up". Although nobody supposedly really liked her.

H was engaged to her at 19, but broke it off. She was his first Gfriend.

Ok, interesting week--nice-enough H is still here so THAT'S good!

S started band camp and I was dreading what I would tell the other band moms/dads. We have all become friendly throughout the year and H and I have been having a lot of fun working concession and being chaparones to the kids, etc.

So I had a couple of my closest friends ask me quite innocently how was my summer and I flashed my ringless finger at them--they were SHOCKED. I am glad they didn't know--I was worried S14 was writing things on Facebook, but apparently not.

So I explained we were having trouble (only told them it was since beginning of summer, not since last NOVEMBER pretty much--but it did escalate this summer) and they were so sweet and great and the one told me a LONG tale of her H and her and how she almost left him--and the thing she really made me realize is how I need to emphasize that he is doing this to me AND his S. She ultimately didn't leave because she did get therapy, but also she realized her H would find someone else pretty quick and he wasn't a bad guy--just had his "guy faults". And her main priority is her S (she just has one like us).

Our sitch of course were different, in that it is my H leaving, so she said she had a KILLER L if I needed it.lol.

I have done much thinking and with the help of lurking over in the Infedelity boards I have come to the conclusion that I can do two things:

1. Provide a positive atmosphere at home while pushing for the things we need here--furniture, repairs, etc.

2. Play a bit of hardball and kick him out to realize what he will miss.

So I decided to do the first today--I had a talk with S about what I was doing today--that I would give H a choice of getting furniture as a family or that he would be there to tell BOTH of us "no, you don't deserve that" or whatever he usually says when it is just he and I. And that if he said no, S and I would go out and get furniture together today on our own, and I would be pushing for him to leave. With lots of "scripts" about abandoning us both, neglecting his family and home and then leaving the mess up to me, etc.

So I sat them both down, chit chatted about band and all needed for that, and then WHAM.lol. Long story short, not one bit of resistance and we are furniture shopping!!lol.

AND!! I got them both to HAPPILY clean up this house together! S did floors and I took care of office. We have all the dust EVERYWHERE from the new entrance to the office and it is all clean--yeah!

So now furniture is coming! And then I'll be moving on to the bathroom--I already said as much and he didn't bat an eye--I do have to keep S very, very involved but that is FINE--my S actually is really GOOD at color, and our taste is UNBELIEVABLY similar!!

Angry nasty H showed up this a.m.

I am now pursuing B above--and looking to get rid of him ASAP.

He calls SO smug that he needs S's social security number because I will be served this week.

Nice.

After a week of no drama--I should have known.

I have to go back to Infedelity and see how you go about getting rid of someone--they are the experts!!!

My poor, poor S. Started school today and this is what happens. 2 days before my class finishes--I have a big paper due tomorrow and my final. Nice.

He knew about my final and paper too--what a jerk. My hands are shaking I am so livid.

I am sorry that his true colors showed through yet again. Try to focus on you and your son. Did you ever speak to a L? If not, I would do so and let your H know that everything legal needs to go through the L.

Might be time to pack him a bag.

hugs, kat

Kat, thanks AGAIN for coming by and listening.

No, never got a L. I have 20 days to answer this and I do have a couple of Ls in mind.

I will be served on Wednesday in the a.m.

So...what is THAT like??

When H and S got home I totally lit into him--had him tell both S and I what he was doing. How "interesting" it was that he acted all smiles this week and had this up his sleeve.

My H was SO SMUG and "I don't care" that ...wow--to have your S see THAT side of you--my S really has NEVER seen that side of his dad!

(and I feel sorry for H why???)

I will be going to S's school tomorrow to speak to his teachers. One of them got wind of this somehow and asked S how it was going at home. And S told them he thought things were getting better! That poor kid!

So I told him once again how I have SO many friends that are praying for us, that love us, and like the one neighbor said, his teachers will be there for him in a very, very real way now. He will be surprised how much his teachers will support him and help him through all this.

It's going to be tough, but we will make it.

Any good "legal" ways to make an H leave? Kat--put your thinking cap on!!lol.

I never was served. Ex got a cheap lawyer that didn't want to work and wanted my lawyer to do everything. Ex then had to hire a more expensive L and poor him, thought he would actually get some of his $5000.00 back!

Just make sure that you don't try to talk emotion etc with your L. It isn't their job and it will end up costing in terms of time. Yes, I told the world that I didn't want this but that didn't stop it from happening.

Sorry, I don't know how to legally kick him out but maybe you can check with a L.

I told all the kids teachers because ex wasn't about to say anything. It explained a lot to the teachers especially all of S14's. Ex just wanted to act like everything was good but it really showed how out of touch he was with his kids when conferences came around.

kat

Well I made it perfectly clear that his help would not be needed by the band boosters--I have several friends in there and they agree that is ridiculous that he thinks he can do this and then get a lot of accolades from other parents and the principal, etc, about what a good job he is doing--yeah right!

He left at 3 and went to the C ?? --or so he said. He asked if we were doing anything for dinner and I give him an incredulous, "um...not with you...".

I don't know if he really went--he was gone about 4 hours. I don't know why he would go back there, but he asked to speak to the guy about himself. A step in the right direction? Hope so!

Gotta hit the books--I don't know HOW I'm able to concentrate, but I am somehow. It's a nice distraction actually.

I got served this a.m. It was fine--had friends calling all morning to make sure I was OK, which, I was.

So I am trying to figure stuff out--I want H out like NOW--he refuses to go. Says that it will affect child custody issues, which, I doubt. I have a call in to the L I think I will use, but he hasn't called me back, ugh.

I called credit card companies and found out I am the primary card holder on the one acct, and he is the primary on the other. I didn't take him off mine, since he is being decent and probably could have taken me off the other and didn't....

He knows and gave permission to me to get a couch and I think I will. My friends say "do it!" and I just don't know....gotta talk to that L!!

So I told him *I* would be moving into the master bedroom and he would be going to the spare bedroom--with the twin bed and no TV.lol. He said OK, I'll get to it whan I can...little does he know that my neigbor and I will be packing up his stuff and tomorrow night he will be sleeping on the WORST twin mattress imaginable.lol.

Oh, boy, I need to go lurk on the infedelity boards again--they have all those good ways to GET RID OF THEM!!lol.