Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Just observing the changes

H added me to his skype. One can only presume that's so we can stay in contact! I'm not on his fb though. Ow was on his fb but not anymore.

Mine just re-friended me on FB. His reason for deleting me in the first place was so "i can do me & he can do him". I don't know what it means now that he requested me' again lol. I try not to read into anything anymore. Gives me false hope.

You're doing awesome!

Hi 2gthr, I commented on your thread. Not sure what to make of my current situation but I'm just sitting back and trying to let H take the lead. What will be, will be. Your h's comment and subsequent change is so indicative of MLC. I could write a book on the rollercoaster adventure and that's why I'm not so sure this time either.

Had dinner with D and H tonight. Broached the divorce subject from my perspective of closure, loss of connection. H still can't see it that way and thinks divorce wipes the slate clean. He is keen to do settlement and divorce asap although again he stated he would never remarry. He also told me that we would never have the relationship we once had. So his words are clear that he has no intention of getting more involved with me.

Have you ever heard believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does?

I believe that applies here as well.

He is reconnecting but he is still in his crisis. Until he breaks withdrawal, which he has not done, I would believe nothing of what he said.

I asked you what you wanted. My advice is to let him do whatever he wants. Do not help him. If he wants a divorce he must take the action to get it done. Validate his desires and keep living your life.

I agree Lance. His words say he has no intentions but his actions don't!

Good point on the divorce, I hadn't thought of that.

I didn't realize what you were thinking on the divorce.
I said before that your words on this board led me to believe you wanted the divorce. (at first). When I directly asked you, then I understood that you didn't want it.

So if you do not want a divorce my suggestion again is to take no action towards that goal. My guess is that he will also take no action towards it either. He needs your help to push him through to that goal. I would not give him that help.

Cas, I agree with Lance. Don't resist in obvious ways....just don't facilitate the process. I know that I would never be in some kind of "friendship" with XH if I had contested the D. We have no children and a pre-nup spelled things out for the most part so I didn't need to use a lawyer to protect my assets or children's futures.

My XH has a somewhat rigid personality --- he tends to be a bit OCD at times --- so once his mind was set on D there was no way to stop that train. Jody (DB coach) said that sometimes once the D occurs the WAS lowers their resistance and can begin to feel emotions again. I think this is what happened in my XH's case.

You can drag your feet in lots of little ways. The problem comes when the courts get involved and begin imposing deadlines. That is the point at which I felt as though I was being carried forward by floodwaters.............Drag your feet now in subtle ways. It sounds as though your XH is beginning to wake up.

GAG

Thanks Lance and GAG. I hear what you are saying and I will take this on board. H told me he is busy preparing for a prac exam which takes place tomorrow. There are no plans for this week for dinner with d although there was a loose arrangement about it at the beginning. He indicated we might do something next weekend. I am going to sit tight this week and wait to see if he issues an invite or makes any contact.

Tonight H called to see where I was as he was at our place with something for d. He decided to stay here until we returned although I said he could leave it by the door (and d could have got it on Monday). Didn't stay long and borrowed some of my CDs. The other night, after dinner we had a very long hug...not sure how that eventuated. Anyway, it must have made him panic cos he messaged me after and asked if I had heard from my L. I said yes, and suggested he could get the paperwork next time he called in. Just thought tonight...he forgot and I did too. I have no doubt this financial settlement will go ahead but it's perhaps not the great priority he keeps making out.