Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

After the first EA three years ago, I had access to her email and cell phone, etc. I felt like after a couple of years I didn't need to check up anymore so I didn't, then this other EA started.

After exposing the EA, she promised not to make contact again (May 27). I found out later she was still in contact around July 4th or so. She had LIED to me about not introducing our S to this person, I found pictures of OM and my son at a playplace together on her phone. I confronted her and her response was "I didn't tell you because its over and it would only hurt you."

I gave her the ultimatum then she must enable history on her computer, delete him from her phone, stop all contact. She swears to me now that it has ended.

are we being naive here? If she doesn't where a ring who knows her sitch?

Any guy could make a move on an attractive woman.

I will also add that in her words she's "broken, very broken". She admits she is absolutely broken and doesn't know if she can be fixed. I've tried to get her back into school, get more active now, start exercising, and be supportive. I think it is helping somewhat, but she is still very broken inside. At the beginning of this bomb she told me that she had done things (EA) that had possibly confused her.

It sounds like you are trying to cage a wild animal. Truly open the cage and set STRONG BOUNDARIES. Then set goals for building TRUST. Unfortunately, some people based on bad childhoods or whatever are not CAPABLE of this. Hopefully she is not one of them, but her history of lies definitely raises RED FLAGS.

PMA

Exactly! The email exchange that I found with this guy on May 27th was like she was living some kind of different life. She claimed she was a teacher, was going to fundraisers for kids, but that's all I know for certain. She'd made up this alternative life and I don't have the details of it.

Also, when we first were dating when she was 18 she told me that her mother died and I, frankly, at the age of 22 didn't know how to support that very well. She blamed me alot for not "being there for her" when her mother died.

I later found out after we were married, though never confronted her, that she never had a mother that died - she explained it like her father had another woman or something. I've since confronted her about that since the bomb and she just says "why would you bring that up". I told her she had a lying problem but she denies it.

Also, when we were dating when she was 18-19 she told me she had cancer. It was actually believeable because her father died of cancer when she was 10. She would have seizures and then all of a sudden everything was OK. This was about 6 months into our R. I later found out that was a lie.

She's not done with OM. The fact that she's willing to introduce your S to him and play "happy family" with him says that she's fantasizing about what life with him would be like.

Her promises to end contact so far don't mean much.

She's acting like a teenager right now, and when you make ultimatums, you come off looking like her father instead of her partner. If you tell her what to do, she will rebel and ignore you. Instead of making demands, next time it comes up, try telling her what your family needs to feel safe and protected from predators like OM.

Who are you trying to convince. Run!! She needs help. She might even have a personality disorder.

She lies, is abusive, anything else your not telling us. Any history of drug use??

PMA

Maybe I'm being too hard here, or I'm only saying the bad things about her. Of course she's not abusive - she has only had maybe 2-3 moments of outrage anger and hit me, and I truly provoked her to that breaking point. I knew that when it was happened, and the last time was about 9-10 months ago that it happened. I wouldn't classify her as physically abusive.

I brought up in MC that she might be emotionally abusive, and she just looked at me like i was the biggest liar and @$$hole ever. I explained in MC that she calls me names, tells me I'm useless, etc when she is angry. The MC asked me why I would want to stay with someone like this, and W response was "I'm not like that" Generally she is a lovely person to be around but sometimes she gets really really angry and lashes out - I know that's her personality and I accept it.

I've got to say, I'm usually really pro-marriage, but I'm starting to side with PMA on this one. This sitch just keeps getting worse.

I think I already know the answer to this one, but if you knew about her issues, why did you marry her and start a family with her?

Also, I'm going to go out on a limb here, but has she ever threatened to kill herself? She seems to thrive on attention, and nothing says "rescue me" like vague threats about hurting herself.

I married her and started a family with her without knowing her issues. We were only dating for 1 year before we found we were going to be having a S. I did the "right thing" even with doubts in my mind if she was the right one for me and entered the M. She has told me she has the same doubts.

She has threatened to hurt herself, but that was years ago, maybe 3 years ago. Nothing since then.

I don't want everyone to jump on the RUN bandwagon. I'm looking for help here to save this. I love her, despite all her and my problems. She really is a wonderful mother. She is a wonderful loving wife when we are doing well. If she leaves, I fear that she'll take my S to NY away from me if anything "bad" happens in the S or D. She has stated she will stay near to me for the sake of our S needing his father.