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We bought a golden retriever a year ago, and it doesn't get enough attention/exercise since we both work. So we're trying to find a good home for her. And when we were talking about separating, it was obvious we'd have to do something. So I think she brought it up to hint around the subject of where our R is going to go. Maybe not.

If she brought up the dog to hint about the R, if you avoided the talk about the dog you avoided the talk about the R. +1 PH.

Pinhead,
Just because one doesn't talk about the relationship doesn't mean that the relationship is getting better.

So, your wife says something like that and you are just going to blow it off as if she doesn't exist? You are going to pretend that what she just brought up really is nothing? Just ignore it and it will go away???? Just keep on smiling and joking and acting happy and she will fall back in love??? You are sadly mistaken with that attidute.


I hope you are aware that women DO make hints about things hoping the man "gets the hint"...

I say -1 PH

Do you not care? What happened when she brought the dog up?
I believe you are correct in that she was hinting about things. You made a mistake in not taking the hint and finding a way to run with it so that she knows you "got it".. Ignoring it shows her you don't get it.

I didn't blow her off about the dog. I said maybe we could get an outdoor kennel, then asked her what she thought we should do. She said a better home where someone's around all the time to play with the doggy would be better. She got shook up a bit and I said "I know this is hard." She replied, "All of this is hard."

I wasn't ignoring it at all.

But it was hard to tell if she was upset about giving up the dog (and how our daughters would take that) or about ending our R. I don't want to mind read any more.

Gucci,

How should I act? I'm confident, I'm assertive, I'm not acting. This is how I feel these days. I enjoy being around her, and she enjoys being around me. I think she craves the attention that she's missed out on for years from me. That's what attracted her to me in the first place. So I'm giving her doses of it at a level I think she can handle. I really think using the LRT right now would be a huge mistake; going dark would just confirm that deep down I don't care for her.

I'm still doing my 180s, GAL, etc. I'm exercising every night, I'm treating her with respect and kindness, and as much affection as I think is suitable for each situation. I'm also giving her a huge amount of space so that she has time to work through everything that's on her mind.

I guess I'm confused as to what you think would be a better course of action, and why?

And I'm trying to focus on what she does more than what she says... Remember the truism; Pay attention to nothing they say, and only half of what they do.

Made a huge mistake today. After my wife left for her workout at the Y, I rolled over onto her side of the bed. Her pillow had this wonderful smell, a mix of her perfume, shampoo, everything good. I rolled my face in it for a few minutes becoming intoxicated. God I miss her...

God be with you all. Pinhead

Dogs aren't little humans. You feed the dog, you walk the dog, you pet the dog, you groom the dog and take it to the vet for shots and stuff. The dog doesn't need a full-time baby-sitter, it needs feeding (and water), walking, affection and basic care.

I think you and her making the dog a pawn in this struggle is a mistake. You adopted the dog. You can walk out on that commitment if you want, and so can she, but don't dress it up like "well, it has to be done". BS.

Rather than miss her, think of it as something you have to look forward to. The mind is a powerful tool. Project that you'll have that smell next to you and with you soon enough, and it will. Set a goal.

Well, the dog is in a dog crate all day while we're both at work, and then when we go to bed. That's about 15 hours a day. In my book, that's inhumane. She's not a pawn in this, it's just something that hasn't worked out regardless of our R.