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What I don't like about this statement: you seem to be assigning most of the guilt to her. Yes, she was a predator. No, He wasn't helpless and likely played at least a 50% role here, and She didn't make a vow before God and your families to forsake all others.

Gucci, that's true. And they are BOTH wrong. It's easier to hate on the person who isn't as close to you. But you are right.

They've forgiven one but not the other or... they've already crossed that bridge where they know the OW/OM does not deserve to be allowed into their life ever again, but....

Get it?

This is totally OFF the subject but I think an affair takes all of the innocence out of the marriage, this is an issue that I have been dealing with. This woman KNEW I adored my h and that we had a ton of fun together(even though my H is saying we never did) She knew my deepest issues with him and she played on that. Therefore, it is easier for me to blame her because I dont care what happens to her and I dont care about her as a person because I think she is a cold and heartless person that lacks any moral fiber. Therefore, I agree, deep down in my heart I am so deeply hurt that this man that I love could do this to me and as much as I want to blame him it is easier for me to forgive him and try to get past this. The problem is while I have a tremendous amount of respect for him, he is being utterly hurtful and disrespectful to me and I guess I am just a weak person that I tolerate it, that or deep down I really believe that he will stop this and come to his senses. I believe in him...and I always have. So I see both sides to this issue.

NO...she IS not a nice person...that is all there is too it. She has done some really mean and horrible things to people in her life and strangers as well...I totally disagree with that statement..unless you were trying to be sarcasitic:)

I really am not going to waste another minute of my life talking about her OR him for that matter. I am going to start helping people on here now. I am ready to move on from the drama. Everyone is so right..she does not deserve ANYTHING else from me. She has taken enough.

Don't feel "weak." You love him and married him and created a life with him. It's natural to feel the way you do.

Do you think you get to a point where you say ok, I have been disrespected, lied to, manipulated and disappointed to the point where you finally just say I dont want to fight over this OP anymore just go...be with OP because I cant do this anymore. You wanted to believe with all of your heart that your spouse would stop seeing that person but they don't and finally you just say I dont deserve this, kids don't deserve this, if you want OP so badly please stop hurting everyone and just go to OP.You can't have us both anymore. I dont want to lose everything and I dont want to take my family down. Why can't he just stop doing what he is doing. I dont understand at all. I want to believe and trust him but I dont know how to do that.

And..Trust takes time to build..esp. after something like this. So how could I not have doubts at first as well. I really really want to believe him. I really beleive that he is a good person and I believe in him....but I do have doubt.

Yes. Absolutely. And this is a great point to get to. Once you're there you can start focusing on yourself and working to make yourself the best person possible.

Why are you worried about trusting him? Has he said he has finished the affair and wants nothing more than to build a new relationship with you? Unless and until he proves through his actions that this is what he has done and this is what he wants don't waste you're time thinking about it. Don't put the cart before the horse.