Kerry I am trying to stay on the high road its just she is the one person on this earth that makes it the hardest for me. They say kids blame themselves for divorce, so wouldn't this help them see they are not to blame? Ok I am only 50% serious about that...
Honestly Kerry maybe they will be good together. Based on the history of their on/off again relationship, the texts I was (un)fortunate enought to see, etc. I am not sure how.
But that is truly what I want to know...what she is. Is she still a roll in the hay, a good time, but nothing more? Or is he serious about her...planning to get married and/or have a family with her. If she is still a fun-time-on-the-side, then that's nothing new. If he brought her around the kids because they are getting more serious, I just feel like I DO have a right to know as that will impact my kids. If she is going to move in, live there, bring her son to live there, things like that.
No I cannot and do not have a say but common decency would indicate that he should give me a heads-up if this is what is going on. I would if it were me. But this is where my brother says be careful not to assume he is working from the same principles base that I am.
down the road if he becomes a better man, better husband, better father through his relationship with her then I will have to be glad for that. I just don't see that based on past evidence...
I am curious what you have planned to discuss with a lier in a face to face conversation. I hope you dont bring up the past.
#1 I am meeting with my IC tomorrow so I am sure she will have valuable input.
#2 I agree it is almost impossible to have a real conversation with him since he is a pathological liar.
I was not remotely intending on bringing up the past. I wanted to review the ground rules for bringing our kids around other people. Pointless kind of bc he already did it.
My plan as of this afternoon was just to ask him what role she plays in his life, if the kids are going to be around her a lot, that kind of thing. If he is going to be spending his kid time with her there, if they are trying to ease the kids into accepting her before they start living together, or if she is pregnant or they are engaged or something, I just want to know. I think that is a fair expectation.
I think her son is around 5, I know he is in the 4-6 range for sure bc I remember him being a toddler when we first chatted about him. Back when I thought she was my 'friend' and we were talking about our kids. The kids already met him too bc he was with her at the water park.
Oh and the strange thing is Dan directly referenced her son in his breakup letter to her. He told her it would not be fair to Nathan, it would 'kill' Nathan to know that "Dylan" was living at his house all the time when nathan wasn't. That he did not want her to move up here with Dylan and take him away from his father in Kansas City. I guess that's why I thought the breakup was real. BC he was showing signs that he got how it wouldn't work out well in the real world. He mentioned how his parents and friends would have trouble accepting her into their lives, how his children would not be comfortable having Dylan living with them, etc etc.
I guess she is so amazing he decided to overlook all that...
Kerry that is why if anything, I would encourage the relationship at this point. That sounds bad, but I mean if he says he is 'serious' with her then I am all for putting their relationship out there. The sooner he sees how his family and friends will react to her, the sooner he sees how the kids do or do not get along together, the better. If they can find a way to make it all "Brady Bunch Perfect", then great.
Actually he just called me, pleasant as could be. I had gotten that call from his dr and dialed him up to tell him he had a reminder call and to update his contact info...then realized that did not warrant a call so I hung up and texted instead.
Well apparently he called bc he saw that I had called. I told him I already sent a text that covered it, mentioned the appt, and said I must still be on his contact list or emergency information. He said, "I guess so."
then he started chit-chatting about the golf tournament he was at, how they were in Montreal i think he said, taking cover from the lightning having a beer. Said he couldn't believe how hard it was raining, etc etc. So I guess my IC is right. When he is bored, he wants to talk to me. Yeah I imagine that goes bye bye once he gets the ow moved in...
Montreal? Golf? I think we both know a certain hockey/horsey fan there that could accidently slice a ball on to the fairway Dan is playing on.
I had the same thought...
So I am on the sh!t list again, I am sure. Grr. MIL loves to make plans and then flake out. Well she wanted to keep kids overnight as it was Dan's night last night and he was in Canada.
Anyway she said she'd take Sydney to soccer camp at nine and pick her up at ten. At 8:55 I get a call from her, "Can you come down here to soccer I think Sydney needs you."
So I go down there (she had started out shy the day before so I was expecting that) and MIL is parked in the lot watching, she tells me false alarm, Sydney is doing just fine. Sorry but she had no cell phone and had to borrow one to call me the first time. Sorry to make me come for nothing. I said it was fine I wanted to see Sydney anyway.
Well then she asks when I want the kids back today, that she knew I mentioned making dinner for them. I said yes I was planning on making dinner but that they loved being with their cousins so whatever she had planned was fine.
She said she'd like to keep them for dinner and bring them home after that...I said ok.
Well now I sit here in sweaty weeding clothes ready to go get a pop and hit the showers...and the phone rings.
it is MIL at home. I am thinking she changed her mind as often she does and wants me to come get the kids now. Crap. Should have showered sooner.
Instead she says that she got the littlest cousin down for a nap but that the other three (my two and my niece who is 4) really wanted to go swimming. She could not take them because little one was asleep, would I possibly want to take them swimming?
Of course the old me was feeling obligated but the new me had plans to shower and get the house cleaned up before the kids come back tonight. I need to reconnect the printer to the computer and print out their school supply lists, etc etc. So I said I am really sorry, I had plans for the afternoon...
She said, "Oh its fine I haven't told them yet maybe I can make some calls and find someone else to take them." ?? No other family in town so I guess she'd hire a babysitter to go?
Just hung up and I still feel guilty. I shouldn't, right? I don't see why I would be expected to just jump up and go take the three of them swimming. If I had been up in Omaha or something I wouldn't have felt so bad, but I am at home...grr.
Ok I am only 50% serious about that...