...Court went badly today. My attorney stinks. ...she thought it was in our best interest not to argue the case in the temporary order, but to wait for the final hearing....but my atty did not seem very organized and I was pressured to make a decision very quickly. My attorney says all of this will change in the final hearing...My atty likes the actual judge in the case and thinks we will have a much better result then. Do I stick with her? She has a big name in my town, but I'm not sure she is quite enough on the ball. I feel that she got beaten badly by W's attorney today.
You will need to trust your gut on this...I had one of the top 3 attorneys in my city...He ran the show....Do you think yours will?
My A told me to "Get the F out of the house"...I did. I found a place that was a 3 minute walk to the kids school. I set it up for me and all three kids... My intention was 50/50 parenting....My understanding is that your intention is also...Set your intention and beliefs on that. Find a place for you and the kids....Buy the needed household items....You are a good dad....Your relationship with your kids is the only thing that is important.....Do not let your W take this away....stand up and fight for this....
Two things that you should not bend on:
50/50 parenting
Do not agree to agree to anything less than 50/50...Make sure your A understands this...If a judge orders less than 50/50 parenting, nothing you can do about that besides following his orders, and continue to push for equal parenting....BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.
First right of refusal.
Get this in the divorce agreement. I can not stress the importance of this....If you W is not parenting the kids during her parenting time, Have it required that she call and offer visitation to you FIRST before anyone else...You will reciprocate.
Even if you do not get awarded 50/50 parenting, the FRR will enable you to see your kids more frequently when your W has to do anything...This is very powerful....I strongly suggest that you do not let anyone talk you out of this.....W will most likely agree to this and not know how much control it gives you.......
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Plus, no requirement for W to go back to work full-time at this point.
Make sure there is a a plan in the D decree that makes W less dependent on your money to live as time goes by. 50% first 6 months / 40% next 6 months / 30% next year / 20% ..... Or whatever ...You can also argue she has "More free Time" based of you PARENTING 50% of the time.....
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I have to be out of the house by 9/1.
I would IMMEDIATELY put most of your energy into finding a HOME for you and the kids as you can .....Full intention on 50/50 parenting.....long term - Week on /week off
My thoughts and prayers are with you....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I'm really sorry brother. What does the temporary order mean? Is that like the rules until the case gets tried? How long will it take for the case to go to court? If it's before the TO goes in effect 9/1, then no sweat.
I know nothing about attornys, but I do know about capitalism, and I apply that to all the professionals I have to deal with. You are the customer. And you're paying a lot for the services of this person. If they are a good business person, they will understand this and be motivated to give you good service, including answering any/all questions about how and what they plan to do as well as feilding any/all criticism of their performance. They work for you. Treat them as such. I can't tell you what to do, but if they are unwilling to explain things as many times as neccisary to make you feel secure in them or are unwilling to do what you want or act in a mannor that you approve of, (i.e. be on time, organized, professional and ready to fight like hell for your interests) they do not want your money bad enough to deserve it. Big name be damned.
I'll check in with you later man. Screw your W. Keep your head up for your kids. And you.
Much Love
Last edited by A_goodman; 08/03/1006:23 PM.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Court went badly today. My attorney stinks. She said that the court commissioner we were in front of today was very old fashioned and since W's side was going to bring-up the pornography issue, she thought it was in our best interest not to argue the case in the temporary order, but to wait for the final hearing.
W;s side had their numbers put together, and so did I, but my atty did not seem very organized and I was pressured to make a decision very quickly. I went with her recommendation which results in me getting only 43% of our combined income, while W gets 57% so that she can afford to make the payments on the house. My attorney says that this was her mistake and she will file for a correction, but I doubt that will go anywhere.
I have to be out of the house by 9/1.
I see the storm has come ashore. Unfortunately Dan, you can not fault your attorney for their 'performance' here. I firmly believe it's all the little times you slipped up and had conversations with your W you shouldn't have at this point in the game. NO MORE talks about finacials, and stipulations of the divorce! Capiche?
Another thing....I hate to remind you of this, but I'll bet your W has been taking very detailed notes of your time with the kids, alloted time, where you've gone, what you've spent....you get the picture. Have you? I'll also bet she's re-counted how many beers you've had per night (and no it doesn't matter how many she's had either..too late), have you? I'll bet she's established hard core alibies to her whereabouts for leaving the house, and probably sights you in most of them.....have you?
Again, it's a business transaction now Dan. Plain and simple. And in order to get the "best deal", well, somebody's gonna screwed over. Who's it gonna be?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I don't really understand your A recommending that you get 40% of your own income. Of course, your W was banking on you get the short stick. I think that this was her plan all along and she just said whatever she needed to say to keep you in the dark. What did they do for visitation since you have to leave the home?
From here on out, it's strickly about you and your kids. It's all business. Talk to your A right away and let her know that today's performance is totally unacceptable. You have every right to seek a second opinion. It might not hurt to get more advice even if you don't end up changing lawyers.
By the way, so what if your W brings up porn. She had an A. You have proof. That issue should be a wash.
For once, I'm glad I live where I do. There's a much more even approach here.
Hang in there Dan. I have no idea how much court will hurt me, sometimes I wonder if anything can hurt more than what I've been through, but life can surprise you.
having been divorced 2 times before, the only thing you can do is take the advice of your atty which is only an opinion. the only person who will make the decision is the judge.
this is why it is usuallyalways best for the spouses to agree on as much as possible, it's all a negosiation. what does your want more then you? does your county offer a settlement confernce prior to final decisions and trial?
if all is said and done you can always go back to court. example, if you are not getting enough visitation in your opinion and want more, some courts offer mediation to try to negosiate.
when i was shocked teh judge gave my 1st xH custody of our daughter i fought teeth and nail for more and more visitation. my daughter appreciated it later on in life she's now 18 and felt like i faught for her. i did the best i could.
as far as money, child support can always be modified.
i'm sure you have some bargaining power or something your w wants, never ever are all parties happy when an outsider decides their income, custody and visitation. another horribley ugly part of divorce.
my h has no clue what he is in for, meaning on what it's going to be after we are divorced,. course he's probably to oblivious to it anyways.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
You need a new attorney. Seriously. I think what your attorney did is borderline malpractice. You should at a minimum go and talk to some others (first consultation is free) and get some advice.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
