Boy I don't think I've stopped by here in a long time!
Don't really have anything to say except YOU are sexy, believe it! I think I read somewhere that woman don't REALLY care how their H's think they look, they dress for other woman. If I looked good and knew it I wouldn't care if H noticed or not. Becuase other people did.
Quote: I would LOVE to know what CJ feels is DIFFERENT now…how is this Marriage better than the one he wanted to escape?
So ask CJ...you're not in my sitch where "I can't ask" "not supposed to ask" "don't do this, don't do that" I think I were back with my H I'd be asking away...but then who knows.
Quote: Can we have a sexless marriage?
I thought I'd be happy with a sexless marriage, at least that's where we were heading before this mess happened. This is very important to my H, top of his list, even though he won't admit it, and so it now becomes important to me.
Are you happy Shiney? Are you peaceful inside? Don't focus on what you DON'T have focus on what you do have, your H at home with YOU!!
Why are you taking his sexual/libido probems personally, as if it has something to do with your attractiveness and desireability. Isn't this a problem that has been there all along, no matter what the state of your R?
Yeah, so he can write a good letter to a "virtual" ow, but he wasn't exactly having mad, passionate sex with her!
I'm not trying to knock your old man in any way, in fact it's easy to see why you love him (based on all of your descriptions). He sounds like a wonderful guy. He also sounds like he has a serious sexual dysfunction, sortof like...well is there such a thing as sexual annorexia?
I understand you trying to make it about you. I initially dealt with H's impotancy in the same way. Believe me, I told myself every crappy thing in the book: ...He's not attracted to me anymore ...I'm too old ...I'm not desirable ...He wants someone else ...He wants someone new
blah, blah, blah
Anyway, when he had an A, I thought that confirmed the above suspicions...until I found out that the problem was even MORE severe with OW.
It wasn't until we really called a spade a spade and recognized it as a serious problem in our M that he/we took constructive action.
{{{Shiny}}} I'm so sorry. I KNOW how such a thing can f with your head!
wow shiny, how am i, a relative newbie to this supposed to bring you up as well as you have me in recent past?
i think you are making tons of assumptions, and letting runaway thinking rule your head right now. and even tho your "piecing" i still think that only a year after the bombs is not enough time for it actually to be all healed ya know?
they say it takes a woman's insides 3 years to heal after a child - and that is only after carrying it nine months. what is my point?
i still think you and cj both need time. you two are very busy with careers and you JUST got back on the marriage train after being off the tract for so long.
I don't really have an answer for you, as I'm struggling with the same issue. I have a High Drive compared to my husband. At least I did before separation. Now he seems happy with the once a week that he initiates. I always respond with enthusiasm and haven't initiated myself because pre-separation, I'd nag him about it constantly.
Not who I want to be.
So, I don't have any words of wisdom for you.
And darn it all, but I'm about to turn 29...aren't I supposed to hit my sexual peak sometime soon?
Quote: And darn it all, but I'm about to turn 29...aren't I supposed to hit my sexual peak sometime soon?
Don't worry. Trust me that you still have a long time to enjoy it. I'm 39, and still feeling that peak.
Hmmmm....Now I wonder if that is good or bad, in my current M state.....Sigh...... But I have high hopes that I still have time to enjoy it with "someone"....Sigh again....
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Is it the sex or the closeness and intimacy you miss?
Quote: INTIMACY AND WOMEN--They are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex of and for itself. A feeling of intimate closeness takes time to develop. Therefore, women want to take their time with a relationship. They want to go through the stages of getting to know the man, becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection. Eventually they get around to sex when they feel closeness and believe they are in love.
HI Cath, CJ and I are rather reversed in this area of Mars/Venus...HE feels the need for connection and smooth R before he can feel sexual. Problem is things HAVE been smooth...still nothing.
I'm going to pull up Tal's post now and respond to that.
No, Tal not at ALL. That's the very thing. I KNOW I'm hot! I KNOW I'm sexy, I'm a very good dancer...but it was CJ's SISTER who pointed THAT out on his birthday.
I DO have GOOD body image (regardless of the extra pounds...which I'm now walking off! ) get positive feedback from other people. Just not from CJ.
And he KNOWS how much this means to me...to hear it from HIM.
Quote: Yeah, so he can write a good letter to a "virtual" ow, but he wasn't exactly having mad, passionate sex with her!
Well Tal she wasn't exactly "virtual" as they met about a half dozen or more times and had sex every time, including sex toys, one of which he brought home to me ...days on end (so she says) and only SOMETIMES did he have trouble performing with her.
The words of affirmation to her included very provocative pet names, (Peanut butter legs and honey thighs!!! ) and details on what he wanted to do to her...How he couldn't live without her...how much he WANTED her....YUK!!
Yeah, I know we'll have to talk about this stuff. Why is it always ME who has to bring it up...better head out for some Prep H before even TRYING!
) get positive feedback from other people. Just not from CJ. 
...days on end (so she says) and only SOMETIMES did he have trouble performing with her. 
) and details on what he wanted to do to her...How he couldn't live without her...how much he WANTED her....YUK!!