I keep working through my head that somehow I have done something wrong. Something horribly wrong to drive my wife away. I just cant figure out what it is so I can stop.
That one's easy. You allowed her to bring another man into your marriage, and into your bed.
I keep working through my head that somehow I have done something wrong. Something horribly wrong to drive my wife away. I just cant figure out what it is so I can stop.
That one's easy. You allowed her to bring another man into your marriage, and into your bed.
Rob, your problems started when you first AGREED to that. NOT when you finally decided to put a STOP to it.
It's been said that in the NFL, the day that a head coach is hired, is also the day he is FIRED ... the date just hasn't been filled in yet.
Same thing here. The day you allowed an interloper into the sanctity of your marriage, was the day you "did something wrong," and "pushed your wife away." Now, it was highly likely that it wouldn't be TRIGGERED until one day when you finally decided to stand up for monogamy, but THAT, Rob, make no mistake, was the day you sealed your original marriage's fate.
Puppy
Yeah I know. Which is why IM trying to figure out how to recover this now. I read around this website quite a bit. It can be done, lots of people have been closer to divorce then I am now and they managed it. So im hoping to get some insight as to how.
As long as you agree with "the world according to her", that's what you will get. We can't help you if you won't help yourself. And Retrouvaille is not therapy. It is learning to talk to your spouse as equals -- something you need more than a weekend's training on!
Well the thing is, she has to agree to it as well. I can do all the work in the world, but in the end if she doesnt agree then Im talking to myself. I keep hoping the light will come on for her and she will say...this man before me is a pretty good man. What the hell was I thinking. But i have been pushing her hard lately because iM sick of waiting for her to recover from her grief of this other man. SO...its my impatience that is at the center of a lot of ths.
You've been given a LOT of info and advice today, Rob. You must be overwhelmed.
This isn't going anywhere tonite. Step back, clear your head, and then come back and re-read everything that everyone's written. But you DO need to decide what your own "N.U.T.S." are here.
You've been given a LOT of info and advice today, Rob. You must be overwhelmed.
This isn't going anywhere tonite. Step back, clear your head, and then come back and re-read everything that everyone's written. But you DO need to decide what your own "N.U.T.S." are here.
I'm out . . . for today.
Puppy
Overwhelmed doesnt beging to describe how im feeling now.
Womens feelings of love start with respect for a man. Standing up for yourself, stating boundaries and enforcing them are where you start.
Think about it. How could she respect you if you told her it was ok to be with another man? You don't respect yourself or care about her honor to take a stand and say "No."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Womens feelings of love start with respect for a man. Standing up for yourself, stating boundaries and enforcing them are where you start.
Think about it. How could she respect you if you told her it was ok to be with another man? You don't respect yourself or care about her honor to take a stand and say "No."
Well that is true. Which is why I finally said look I cannot take this anymore. And now Im saying now, I wont be in a sexless marriage. I reached my limits with her crap and stood up. The problem is she is so myopic about the pain of losing her "other" partner that she isnt hearing me right now.
However you do need to realize that you deserve better than you are getting...
I agree with what Puppy and Coach and the rest have been telling you...
Take a walk, clear your head and set some boundaries...
Go back a couple of pages and see what Puppy told you about accepting that, yes you did at one point agree to this, however now you have changed your mind and don't want to share her with anyone.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
