azrob..can you continue living this way? Do you love her? Do you REALLY want to stay married to her or are you afraid of getting divorced? I think you deserve better. She sounds like a huge mess!
Well, I know I cant spend enternity sexless. Been 5 weeks now and Im getting punchy. I absolutely lover her with all my heart. And my heart is being removed from my chest right now with a dull spoon. I really do want to stay married to her. I have been divorced once before and I am well versed in the truck wreck that that causes.
I deserve to be with someoe who loves me without question. She says she does, but that I don't appreciate what she can offer me. Which is where a lot of my hesistation is coming from. I mean the fire does fade in long term relationships and maybe what she is telling me is absolutey true. My problem has always been that I was being told this while at the exact same time she was get all her physical needs to be desired met from this other guy.
Having it rubbed in my face for a couple years sucked. And why I forced it to end. But this situtaion is far worse then it was when she was seeing him. And thats where IM stuck.
I asked her not to be with him while I was working (I work in a very stressful field) because I need to be focused on my work, which included me being out of town.
I asked her after she was with him to be with me so we could reconnect.
You failed to protect yourself, and now you feel abused because YOU ARE being abused.
You need to stand up for yourself, set boundaries and be prepared to enforce them by walking away and ending this mockery of a marriage if neccessary.
Time to grow a pair, IMHO.
Well, we had quite the brawl last nite. Where I essentially told her I was sick of the crap. And was promptly made to feel stupid because she can spin like the best of them. The thing is, she continues to say that she does not want to get divorced. That she is willing to honor her committment with me now and keep our family together. ANd if i could just shut the hell up about the rest of the marriage stuff that it would probably come back.
Im just struggling to believe that.
Again, this isnt about some macho man thing. This is me trying to solve this problem. And I am trying to step back and failing.
Do you have a male friend in real life you can go and explain this to?
Your wife isn't loyal, her actions prove otherwise.
You haven't had a real partnership in marriage, you are fooling yourself.
Quote:
I feel foolish and stupid to have trusted her.
Why will you trust her in the future? She doesn't seem to want to change.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I wouldn't under normal circumstances say this but where are your balls? (Don't read this Puppy)
Originally Posted By: azrob
Having it rubbed in my face for a couple years sucked.
Of course it sucked however you allowed it to happen, where is your self-worth?
From the little bit you have posted, she doesn't love you without question...She loves you as long as you are willing to be the good little husband, to let her sleep with whomever she wants and to not say a word.
The correct terminology for that is "doormat".
Time to get you junk out of her purse and stand up for yourself...Set boundaries for YOU, not her.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Do you have a male friend in real life you can go and explain this to?
Your wife isn't loyal, her actions prove otherwise.
You haven't had a real partnership in marriage, you are fooling yourself.
Quote:
I feel foolish and stupid to have trusted her.
Why will you trust her in the future? She doesn't seem to want to change.
Well I have no friends that I can trust with this level of crap frankly. The few friends I have told this to to a person have told me to dump her. That's really easy to say. But I have kids and a life and all the crap that comes with it. Trying to tease all those apart and knowing full well if that divorce comes I lose my kids (i have been on the wrong side of a divorce before and weekend visits are no life for them) is something I cannot in good conscience go through agian without trying everything possible to save this.
I came to this site because one of my friends recommended it and said he got some good advice here when he was going throughhis issues. SO I am being hopeful.
that she is willing to honor her committment with me now and keep our family together.
You mean like the part where she promised to forsake all others?
It might sound antiquated, but it's there for a reason: human nature. No telling what kind of drama and potential harm this is inviting into your life.
Like I said, if you set the boundary (e.g. Monogamy), and she ridicules it, then gather your evidence, get an attorney, and enforce your boundaries by asking her to leave.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/29/1006:29 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Much like I told my (x)W when she "wanted to be friends" with me, yet be with another man, and got upset when I told her I refuse to be "friends" with my wife whom is with someone else, you made your bed, now sleep in it.
You asked for this all on your own bud, now you need to make a choice.
And a doctor's appointment. eew.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
