Im just trying to figure out how I can live with this person as things stand now.
It's not possible that's why you can't figure it out. Will you ever feel loved or be happy if she is with another man?
Well, I long had little problem with her being with another guy. Its not that at all. Its how she is treating me. She says that the fire has died due to our baggage. Not because of the other guy. And we have a fair bit of baggage to be sure. But having to compete with this "perfect" guy has caused a lot of the damage to this marriage.
Can I feel loved if she is with him. Sure. As long as she is "loving".
She says she does the best she can do by me. And says she loves me. If I can stop poking at trying to fix things right now.
I can't understand how she doesn't understand the common sense, of as long as the other guy is there - she will never be able to do right by you.
Well yeah. I know that. I told her that from the start. That if this got too serious that I would be pushed out. That's human nature. She absolutely insists that she was doing "right by me" but is happiest when she has the freedom to be who she is. Im really stuck on this. I dont want her to be with me out of loyalty and commitment, that is no way to live. But she believes what she believes.
I couldn't imagine being in your shoes, and I feel really bad for you. The pain must be absolutely terrible.
You need to leave her. Now. If she values the "marriage" that much not to continue this, she will stop. You need to set boundaries. This is a case of justified infidelity in my eyes. No, no, NO.
It will be hard to leave her, or have her leave the house. But, this isn't going to be solved while you are there with her in my opinion if she breaks the boundaries, which she obviously doesn't seem to care about.
She says that she'll stay married to you under HER conditions. That's just NOT RIGHT. Marriage is a partnership. You have conditions I'm sure as well. MAN UP. MAN UP and take control of the situation.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
azrob..can you continue living this way? Do you love her? Do you REALLY want to stay married to her or are you afraid of getting divorced? I think you deserve better. She sounds like a huge mess!
I couldn't imagine being in your shoes, and I feel really bad for you. The pain must be absolutely terrible.
You need to leave her. Now. If she values the "marriage" that much not to continue this, she will stop. You need to set boundaries. This is a case of justified infidelity in my eyes. No, no, NO.
It will be hard to leave her, or have her leave the house. But, this isn't going to be solved while you are there with her in my opinion if she breaks the boundaries, which she obviously doesn't seem to care about.
She says that she'll stay married to you under HER conditions. That's just NOT RIGHT. Marriage is a partnership. You have conditions I'm sure as well. MAN UP. MAN UP and take control of the situation.
Yeah it doesn kind of suck right now.
She was good about not breaking my boundaries, but resenting it the entire way. SHe claims that she doesnt want to divorce, but that her nature (free like a tiger) and her personailty (loyal as a dog) are at war right now. She wants to stay with me and her family (our kids) but just continues to pine for this fellow right now. I dont think its a question of manning up here. My marriage was a partnership and can be again. I just dont know how to get back to point B.
You have agreed to an open marriage so technically you took the chance she would fall in love with another man and now it bothers you?
Why in the world would you even agree to such a thing?
Marriage is about 2 people...
If she wanted to sleep around you should have set the boundaries the minute she came to you with this BS.
Something along the lines of...I don't know - A big fat NOT gonna happen?
Not going to share my wife with whatever Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along and wants a piece of her.
Yeah I took the chance. Its not that. I recognize my failure here. But I trusted her not to do this. I mean, she told me we wouldnt get here. And I think thats what is happening for me now. I feel foolish and stupid to have trusted her.
