PEI..about the generalizations..there seems to be a definite difference between how the MLC group and the Infidelity group handle these things..we've touched on that in my other thread. that's all I was saying. We all have our own individual theory about how we want to realate to things.
I did some calling around. I found a guy who is trained in Marital therapy. He was recommended by another marital therapist who doesn't take our insurance..and who was not solution based. This guy says he usually can get a couple on track within 3-4 sessions and has an average of 5-6 total. That's if he sees that both people are willing to try and haven't come in there already wanting out of the marriage. He is also experienced with MLC and knows that is a specific form of issue. he takes evening hours and seems very nice and laid back. All good things. I'm feeling good about him. He is going to call and check into our insc requirements.
Absolutely, major differences, for a reason. But not all on the MLC boards think exactly the same way, and as Grit pointed out ... taking the BS is not what's being prescribed.
Sounds good to me ... and ya never know, the fact that it's a man might help H open up ... good luck! Let us know how it goes ...
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thank you for your kinds words. Funny thing is that at this point in my life I am a little less concerned about my M and more concerned about the people involved. Most notably ME and my kids.
If my M goes down the shi*ter, I know I did all that I could with the TOOLS that I had at the time. BUT as the good Lord says...everything happens for a reason..everything happens in his time.
I came here totally broken and f'd up. I can now stand up and say...
I am nice guy I love myself I am funny I am hard worker I am a great dad I am a good looking guy I am compassionate I am loving I am sexy I am kind I really care about people I love deeply I am emotional I am REAL I know who I am and I no longer need anyone to validate that.
I agree with my Bro Grit...I am not hear to tell you want to do with your M. You know yourself better than anyone (right?).
What I want sooo much for you to get is this...know who you really are. Get to a place where YOU no longer rely on a M or an R to define who you are, to validate who you are. You just need to know it sweetie. If say you do then that's good enough for me.
If you feel your H is ready and has done the work on himself and his issue well then that is good enough for me.
Fear and fustration should never drive your decisions. They should always be made in LOVE. True love. A love that respects and understands that everyone must find their own way. A love the understands that our wishes are just that ours and not anothers.
Once again as the good Lord would say...
Love is kind Love is patient Love is long suffering Love never fails Love conquers all (FTR I have this tattooed on my arm)
ITay, if things turn for the worse do not be embarrassed to come back here. We are all here for you.
I will leave you with this....Know who YOU are sweetie...Know it and live it. Do not try and go back to something because it is familiar, or because you lack emotional and physical attention. Go back because you love it for what it is and who it is.
If you ever need to talk know that I am here. You know how to reach me.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Where can I read some good stuff about MLC..other than on this forum? I will try to google it and see what I can find.
I did talk to Virginia at the DB central to discuss marital therapists in my area. She said they no longer give referrals and to speak with one of the DB coaches..I don't have $390 to do that all at one time. I would also like my H to be a part of the recovery process. I did find a couple of people here, but of course the ones I chose are NOT covered under the insurance in network plan. It's just always something. So..I will research the ones that my current IC has suggested and see if they meet some of my needs..mainly "solution-oriented" therapy. Or talk to my H and see if he wants to go out of Network.
Still working on it, haven't thrown in the towel yet. Thanks everyone for all your encouraging words. I just send him little texts every now and again when he is traveling for work to say --hope you have a great day--miss you and your big muscles--you're so hot..stuff like that. Light and easy. He texted me yesterday several times and also called me 3 times. So he is trying. God I love that man.
And yes Jack, I am patient. But I'm about to be one (a patient) if things don't start doing SOMETHING. Ha!
I did talk to Virginia at the DB central to discuss marital therapists in my area. She said they no longer give referrals and to speak with one of the DB coaches..
ya, she said that they can't guarantee that any counselors that take their classes and seminars will be the type of quality that they offer with their coaches..or something to that effect. Bummer. That's ok..I think I found a guy in town. I just have to see if we can get in next week.
How is everyone today? Haven't heard much from all of you today. Hope you have a good weekend. I am going to get some Highlights put in my hair tomorrow!! Yaaayyyy!
