Ok, that's one that someone posted to my thread, and I'm pretty good at following it. It's not easy to have a smile on my face all the time, and she thinks I'm mad when I'm not talking a lot, so I have to be careful with that.
Ok after a couple of days of intel I have nothing to indicate that there is an A going on. Was suspicious at first and actually heard one of the conversations with the suspected OM and I now think it was nothing and he is just a friend ( Right now anyway )
One thing I would like some advice on is living together or separately. We are currently living together and sleeping in the same bed. It is not uncomfortable but I am just wondering if it is easier to DB together or apart.
A couple of times we have argued over various issues and she has threatened to force the sale of our house and move out.
The first time i asked her to reconsider and she did but that definitely empowered her a bit more to start being disrespectful towards me.
I quickly learned and the next two times she did it I just told her that if that is what she wants or needs to do then i wont stand in her way. I even reminded her to start the paperwork the next day when she didn't mention it again.
Also she is being a bit curious about whats going on in my life and does ask me where I'm going and what I'm up to. She has also started telling me what she is up to.
I am hoping this is a result of the LRT and is pretty much following the script Michele laid out in her blog. How long can this phase last. How long can you live in limbo.
Also as we have one S each from previous M. I have said to her that I will not always be available to watch her S when she works ( Shifts ). I hate doing this as it kind of splits the family but I want her to know what it will be like if we split and also to realize some of the side benefits of being a couple.
One thing I cant really understand is how it is possible to reconnect after months of coldness. The atmosphere in the house is now much better ( in fact Comfortable ) but we still have that thing where if we brush by each other she automatically pulls back. Don't know how we will get over this.
We have set a time to talk about her conflict with my S and I am going to suggest we get outside help on this. There is plenty of stuff available on the problems of blended families and ours seems pretty typical except she has blown it out of all proportion and caused a huge family destroying rift. Again i think there is more to it than this but she is not saying anything. It will be a challenge to discuss the conflict with S without discussing R.
My patience is getting better as I see little signs of progress but sometimes I just think screw her and i should just separate and get on with my life without her and not look back.
I quickly learned and the next two times she did it I just told her that if that is what she wants or needs to do then i wont stand in her way. I even reminded her to start the paperwork the next day when she didn't mention it again.
A couple of times we have argued over various issues and she has threatened to force the sale of our house and move out.
I quickly learned and the next two times she did it I just told her that if that is what she wants or needs to do then i wont stand in her way. I even reminded her to start the paperwork the next day when she didn't mention it again.
Beautiful. That is how you do this!
If she brings up moving out and selling the house, tell her "If that is what you want, then I respect your wishes though I don't agree with it." Kapiche.
Short, sweet, and to the point.
Oh and hi, by the way! I posted on your other thread but see there is a new thread (I just saw the other one).
Think of it like Judo. You're using your W's actions and energy in your own favor. Deflecting her aggression, thinking one step ahead. Of course it's easier said than done, but you'll get better at it. Then hate yourself for having to do it.
But there's really no alternative. It's like chemo, you have to kill a lot of good cells to get to the tumor, and hope it dies before you do.
Hi Soleil, thanks for your comments and that little conversation about telling her to move out if she wants probably changed our dynamic and improved our communication prob better than anything else I have done.
Another thing I am not sure how to handle is sleeping in the same bed. Is this good or bad ? . We still share a bed even though we have no physical contact. I don't really care one way or the other and am just wondering which is best for DBing. Just seems a little strange to be living separate lives but sleeping in the same bed.
A lot of times i will already be in bed when she comes in so its definitely not a case of me climbing in beside her or forcing her out.
Also need to figure out how to discuss the conflict with her and my S without discussing our R.
Well, YOU definitely shouldn't be leaving the marital bed, so if she chooses to sleep there, your question is answered for you.
I really don't think it affects your DBing one way or another, UNLESS you are the type to go all "melty man," and not be able to properly detach, if you have your wife lying next to you at night.
No friggin "melty" man here. One thing i have learned through all this is that the only thing showing weakness here gets you is a total lake of respect from your W.
Don't get me wrong some nights she drifts over to my side and i would love to put my arm around her but don't. If she bumps me i usually just move away a bit. I dont want any misconceptions coming from accidental contact when we are sleeping. The only thing I can do is keep up the LRT and see if she comes around. The next moves in the R MUST come from her.
Funny thing is aside from this major trauma I am having a pretty good summer and she regular asks me now what i am up to. She also has started telling me what she is up to if she is not around.
Funny thing is aside from this major trauma I am having a pretty good summer and she regular asks me now what i am up to. She also has started telling me what she is up to if she is not around.
) for having the 'nad to thoroughly check. You'd be surprised at how many just stick their head in the sand.