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Turns out OM specified (W name) in the text. (stbxw is crap for details I need) so I suggested-

A guy came by. I was busy. I got a msg to call your dad about the affair. I had no name but thanks for telling me (W name)

And the instruction is "anything else you ever get from him receives this response
"I have nothing further to discuss with you...EVER"

OM's stbxw did AWESOME!!!!

Keep in mind my W arrogantly said "Where I am and who I'm with is my own busines..."

Here is the exchange bw OM and his stbxw-
OM: So my dad called me and told me something pretty funny, I guess he showed up at their house. he thinks that kristin is having an affair? And he seems to think its with me. Which is a load of [censored], kristin and I have never done anything. Kristin is staying in vernon with family I guess and he seems to think we are together.
OM: At this point I wouldn't even have a reason to lie to you
OM: Did her husband come to your work
OM STBX : Sorry I've been busy at work
OM STBX : Who's husband?
OM: (my W name)
OM: Did you go to my parents house yesterday
OM STBX : Oh well some guy came in when I was doing a pedicure and told the girls about an affair and said to talk to ur dad
OM: Yeah he went to my dads house
OM: Psyco

This guy is priceless.
To top it off, he then deleted her off his BBM.

Gonna say not much fun was had.

This is the same guy that tells everyone his STBX is "bipolar and refuses meds'

I met her. Talked to her for hours.
Asked her flat out- Medical conditions/
'Allergic to bees"

Should I bother with his parents again? They seem to be ostriches that believe their son could also be Superman.

So, it appears [censored]-storm coming back at me this week.

Odd that they both have different stories and attitudes.

Advice?

Beautiful illustration how the mentally abused are purported to have "mental issues".

I'll say this: he's got stones as big as a horse. In the face of an "I know where you are and what you're doing," the DEPTH of this deceitful exchange is just STUNNING, and gives us some clues about the man to tuck away for future reference. He's either stupid, scared sh*tless, or figured he was busted anyway so why not try to find out who-knows-what before you come back and face the firestorm. Not yet sure which.

Puppy

Any point in talking to his parents again?

They'd need to see evidence and I don't have a pic of them together.

I'm hoping that her being removed from his BBM takes her off the "pressure list".

Today I'm going to warn my friend about tomorrow at his office. It may go bad for him.

She is going to look for (and foward) any "lovey-doveys" that OM sent/sends to her. Maybe if W saw he's still 'attached" to his STBXW, his waffling will show to her.
She and I believe he was coached by W to take her off. But he'll put her back.

They will be in damage control mode.

Is there anything I can do to make the people they will be lying to see the "truth"?

Then you've answered your own question.

Agree, warn your friend.

Save the "lovey-dovey" messages, if you come up with any. The timing of that play ("He's playing you; he's still intimate with his wife") is for another day -- not in this phase.

You can't control all the lies. To the KEY players -- other spouse, parents, etc. -- you can (and should) continue to periodically re-expose, as you get add'l pieces of irrefutable intel.

Puppy

Well, I have enough in conversations and pitures but I'd have to expose STBXW and show them too omuch of mine.

I gotta get a pic of them.

I have a way.

Once I know she is gone from BC, I may call her aunt. But I think I can wait a week and talk in person so my persona makes it clear I'm not delusional.

And having my D there will add to the "impact"

I thought I might take a minute (could be several so get comfortble) and unload where my brain is at right now.

I had a great day. No contact with W. D and I had fun. "We" cleaned the main floor; did some laundry and got ready for my sis and her two D's to come over. Had the bouncy thingy in the back yard and, all being under 4, they had a blast.

BBq's some dogs. It was nice. My littlest sister has been my sounding board through this. She is awesome. She has asked that I talk to a friend of hers in BC while we're out there cause she's getting sucked in and spit back out through a D of her own. So it's nice to know my DB'ing and the manner in which I appear to be handling this is at least gaining me respect with my family.
None of them can understand how I'm not a basket case.

So, D is in bed, and I'm trying to relax and enjoy a few minutes on my own before "it all goes down tomorrow"
The hard part is I feel I need to be "ready for anything" and there are just too many possible scenario's when she walks through the door.

If it's venom and anger, that's fairly easy.
"Stop. I will not get sucked into the fight you want. That will only let you relieve your guilt. I'm done with that"

If it's accusations and threats-
"I understand how you must feel. However, you have no empathy or respect for how I feel or why I'm doing what I'm doing. What I'm doing is right for me and my family. Your threats are meaningless."

If it's guilty and soft ( a long shot)
I understand your feelings. I have feelings too. And my feelings are telling me we should not be together anymore"

If it's the silent treatment (W's personal favorite)
"I see you don't want to talk. That's fine. I have decided that I have taken your crap for far too long. Since your choices regarding this family have taken us here, I'll be making the decisions where we go from here.
You have Calla until Friday night as I'll be leaving early Saturday. You can stay here or stay elsewhere til then. She'll be back here the following Sunday at 6 as arranged.
I'll have a Separation Agreement Drawn up by August 10. Please begin packing your personal belongings. I will not live with infidelity one minute longer than legally required. The house will be supervised while I am away"

I realize that things will be 'maleable' but I have to prevent overtalking and getting sucked in. If she is wild, I will grab D and leave for her safety.

But the key is to look good; feel good; strong posture and soft low voice. And keep her in front of me. Right in the eyes. No hint of strain.

I know there are several tangents she could go off on. But I can alswys fall back on infidelity and trust/lies. And grind them.

I've been taking her crap at the cost of my self-respect for too long and now it's my turn to drive. I deserve better. D deserves better. And I'm sorry for her loss. But I can't control or apparently save her. That's her only remaining choice. Ask for help.

Please let me know if I'm on track or oblivious to another possible tactic she could take or I should be aware of.

I know neither the Gucc/Rob or Puppy or Allen's scripts are here but I'd like some feedback from you all if I can in the morning so I can prepare.

I'm gonna read over the Letting Go speech again and see if it will cover them all in one sweep. But I'm really getting tired of this and want my life back.

Sick of the lies; the drama; the manipulation and the BS. I know my W is probably still buried inside the mess that she is now, but I've tired of looking. I said it before. She's almost dead to me now.

Everything we've done in the last 6 months, possibly a year, I can see completely differently now.

I think you've about covered it, CD, altho I would say on the "if she gets wild" part that you CALL THE COPS. Seriously.

On this one:



First of all, I wouldn't say "infidelity" -- too soft of a word, and you make IT the subject of the sentence. I'd say something like "I will not live in a marriage where my wife is cheating on me one minute longer than legally required." Or "I cannot live in a marriage where my wife is having an affair and rubs my nose in it. I deserve better." Or some such.

I also think you need to be prepared with what you will say and do if she says something like "Well, that may be what YOU have decided, but that's not the way it's going to happen!" Because now that you blew up their little love tryst, the two of them have probably spent the weekend preparing what SHE is going to tell YOU, and how SHE thinks it's all going to go down.

Most importantly, you have correctly identified your "home base" core:

I have to prevent overtalking and getting sucked in. ...

But the key is to look good; feel good; strong posture and soft low voice. And keep her in front of me. Right in the eyes. No hint of strain.

I know there are several tangents she could go off on. But I can alswys fall back on infidelity and trust/lies. And grind them.

Keep returning to THAT, and you'll do just fine.

Puppy