Saving money is not a good reason to move back in together. Now, granted you two are having a good time together and there has been intimacy, she obviously wants to explore the possibility of reconciliation BUT keeping a foot out the door because she isnt sure it could work out. BUT again, there isnt ONLY ONE way to heaven and life has taught me to be flexible as long as I dont lose sight of my goal.
The thing is, that IMO the situation could become very nerve wrecking and the fragility of living together without a mutual understand of what you are b oth aiming for, could and will test your sanity. Are you up for that? Are your feelings still strong enough to motivate you to hadnle the sitch?
How about the kids? Dont get me wrong, I am not saying it is a necassarily bad idea, just pointing out, that unless things evolve relatively fast, you should better fasten your seatbelt for the ride...
You're right, saving money isn't a good reason to move back in together, but sometimes it's necessary. I would rather have the only reason she wants to move back in is because she wants to reconcile. However, she's not ready to voice that to me. I believe you are spot on that she wants to explore the possibility but she doesn't want to 100% commit to it. The move back in gives us both a chance to get on more financially solid ground and at the same time see if we can move towards reconcilliation.
She is off on a business trip this week to Alaska. She actually slept here at my house last night since it would be easier logistically in getting her to the airport this morning. No intimacy other than a hug and kiss goodbye at the airport when I dropped her off.
I guess where I am at is that I have been in the fight to save the M for so long, that a little more time with her and I under one roof is worth the chance to permanently fix this M or permanently dissovle it.
So today, evidence of a new credit card emerged. It's not like she purposely tried to hide it since the payment for it is coming out of our joint account, however I knew nothing about it and we already have two credit cards that we have used for more than 10 years.
Thing is six weeks ago I could not have cared less about this since there were no signs that we were doing anything other than getting divorced. Today when I saw it, I got that familiar sick feeling in my stomach which I absolutely hate having and did not miss at all. This whole process just stinks.
Are the two cards you have maxed out, or is there plenty of available balance to her on them?
How much were the charges for?
Do you have a birthday or an anniversary coming up, or could it possibly have been a Father's Day gift for you that she didn't want you to see, and spoil the surprise?
The balance on the other two cards is paid in full each month. No birthday or anniversary coming up and my Father's Day gift was paid using one of our two joint cards. I do not know what the individual charges were for because I can just see the total amount paid out of our checking account. Total amount paid was $271.00.
Thing is we are still physically separated and she's free to open as many individual accounts as she wants. It just sends me mixed messages, especially with what has gone on with us recently. Me thinks she may be back to cake eating.
The balance on the other two cards is paid in full each month. No birthday or anniversary coming up and my Father's Day gift was paid using one of our two joint cards. I do not know what the individual charges were for because I can just see the total amount paid out of our checking account. Total amount paid was $271.00.
Absolutely, as soon as she returns from the current trip she is on. Although I doubt I will gain anything from asking her. Just the fact that she did it without mentioning it at all to me speaks volumes.
Absolutely, as soon as she returns from the current trip she is on. Although I doubt I will gain anything from asking her. Just the fact that she did it without mentioning it at all to me speaks volumes.
Well, yeah, and what also sucks is now she's got it set up where she can just LIE to you about what she spent it on, and YOU have to ask her for the NEW CARD'S STATEMENT, and be the a-hole, if you want to dispute her.
Don't think this hasn't crossed her mind.
You need to ask to see the statement, since joint family funds were used.
Yes, she is very effective in turning things around and making it look like I am the one who is being unreasonable. Thing is I have gotten to the point where I don't care very much (note I did not say "at all" because I'm not quite there YET) what she thinks anymore and I have gotten past the point of wanting to have to play detective just to see what my W is up to. It's not the kind of life I really want to live. It's not healthy at all and saps all of the energy out of me.
So she returns today from her business trip. Part of me is glad to see her and part of me is a bit apprehensive, sigh. So many conflicted feelings. I just wish this was easier. I do plan to ask her about the separate, previously unknown credit card - granted it won't be the first thing out of my mouth, but it needs to be discussed soon. I have been completely above board with her financially and I expect the same from her.
I have a busy weekend planned. Going through some more boxes from my recent move, organizing the new house, going to a party Saturday afternoon and then a poker game on Saturday night. I also need to fit in a distance run this weekend if I am going to maintain (or at this point resurrect) my marathon training program. The weather isn't really cooperating for long distance running here though - it is supposed to be 99 on Saturday and 95 on Sunday!
