Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Think I am dead now.

Thanks for the advice. I am trying. I just don't know how much longer I can take it. I am on medical treatment. I am working hard, i am going to school, I have been playing golf everyday. I exercise but I can't eat. i am losing weight like crazy-32 pounds in 3 weeks. i look like a shell or myself. I am depressed beyond an logically doubt. I don't want to wake up anymore. I hate it. I really do not like life. This "gal' is what i am trying to do. I don't like my life or I can't imagine one that i would like with out my family in it. I truly am worthless and I know it. I don't think it would help if she came back. i still think that i would be so depressed that i just want it to end. Sorry to put all this on you guys but I don't want my freinds and family to think that i am as crazy as i am.

I dont feel that I can be happy again. I just don't believe it. i haven't smiled in weeks unless it is forced. i haven't wanted to do anything but mope in weeks. I truely don't want my life this way anymore. No, i dont think that i will kill myself but if i happened to swerve into a medium or got cancer again i think that i would welcome it. my ex hates me, my family is gone. they were the reason i was getting my mba. to provide a better life for them and me. What is the point, if i dont even like myself, what is the point?

all my plans for the last 9 years have been centered around my family. They are gone and do not care or want me in their life at all. I am staying out and away. they dont know the hurt that i am in and really it is not their business. i dont think it would change anything. they picked someone else over me. it is a killer. i am not a man anymore. i just exsist.

Par,

I've shared some of the same thoughts the last couple of weeks. Then I had a horrific car accident last night. Helped me put things in focus. Now I'm trying to remember all the things i used to like to do, the foods I loved, everything that made me jump out of bed BEFORE I met my wife.

Do something for yourself. I bought some Ax bodysoap instead of being content to use what the W stocked the shower with. It makes me smell awesome. Little things will help you through your depression. Smile at a pretty girl, daydream about soaking in the sun in Acapulco with a beauty.

And focus on one minute at a time, one hour a day, and so on. It'll get better. We're never given more than we can handle, though we usually underestimate our own strength.

Thanks for the thoughts pinhead. I really am trying. I dont feel the strength yet and i am a Christian. I have been praying for healing. So far, nothing, I am not getting better. I am getting worse I think. I just feel like I have nothing to live for. So what if i get my masters? Who do I share my success with? I have no family. I am good for noone right now. I am not dating because I know that i would just be a drag. my family has move on and replaced me with out a second thought.

Par,

You WILL find someone else to share your success with, it just may take some time. In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself so that you can be ready for it. This is no time to waste away. I know it is hard, but find a way to enjoy your newfound freedom.

Are there any women at the golf course? Usually not many, but sometimes. Or just hook-up with some other guys out there for a round. Find something else to talk to them about. It can be fun to play with strangers once in a while.

You mentioned you are Christian. Have you been to church lately? There are lots of nice people there to meet who will help support you through this time. Give it a shot.

Are there people in your MBA classes to talk with? Maybe go out and have a beer with someone after class one night.

I have leaned heavily on friends and neighbors and I always apologized to them for being a drag, but you know what? They didn't mind. They wanted to help me. There are lots of people that con help. Even strangers. Don't worry about being a drag.

You CAN get through this! Keep your chin up and your eyes OPEN!

I really think that i am weaker than the others here on the board. They are hurt but they don't wish death on thereselves. Why, am I so damn weak and codepenant on my ex for joy and happiness? I don't get it and i can't quite it.

How could she just change her mind and hate me over night? Yes, i screamed and hollared at her sometimes when she was taking her pill, not working, not doing anything but getting in trouble but i let her feed my ego. Now, my ego is shot. There is no one telling me how good looking I am or how great and smart I am. Just someone's actions telling me that i was not worth anything and that i am a loser.

Get it. Your on your own. Start dating, you don't have to break your marital vows if you do not want to do so. That confidence will be pumped back into your through the other channels. As long as you wait on your wife for it, you will never ever get it and be in a position of continuing and eroding confidence and self-worth.

When you pray or meditate or whatever it is you do, when you ask for something you're basically saying "I need this". It is a statement of WANT. Making a statement of WANT is a statement of lack.

WANTING something only pushes it further away. HAVING something is being confident and knowing you already have it within you. Just some food for thought.