Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just found out she already filed

Romeo,I wouldn't lift a finger.
Take this from a man who foolishly did in the beginning - get a truck, move her out, move her in, hang pictures, mirrors, shelves, etc.

Everything of hers, whether hers outright or stuff that was "ours" that became hers when we divided possessions is piled in the basement. Has been for a year. Getting moldy, probably.
Not my problem.

Yeah I'm going to have to tell her that I'm not willing to do the move thing in a piece meal way.

I also want to tell her somehow that she should reconsider the weekend split since I would like to spend the night before the night after with her in the future and from DD's perspective she'd want to see her mom/dad the next day. It's pretty insensitive of her to not want to at least let DD enjoy both of our company on her b.day weekend. Ugh, I just hate coming up with the correct wording.

A friend of mine said 'that sucks but hopefully in the future you can celebrate it together' - yeah like in 10 years when I wouldn't mind seeing STBXW with some scumbag.

Um, so is she with some scumbag now? If not, I kind of missed why you are so against a joint birthday party? It's not like you two can't be in the same room together...have I missed something? I know the BB mindset is let the WAS suffer, she wanted the breakup so now she can live it but I, personally, see this as about the child and what she wants. If DD wants a joint party what's the problem? Again, did I miss something somewhere or am I just too much of a marshmallow for the hardliners out there?

Wii, there are two reasons:

1. We're not on the best terms lately I don't really want to see her and she probably feels the same way. It'll be tough to pretend we're a family in front of all the people.

2. She'll want to invite some people that I resent since they supported her in her decision. And for them to attend my D's b.day just doesn't sit right since they took part in destroying her family.

I may suggest to her doing the party at her school for the kids only, favor bags, cake cutting and a few balloons and stbxw and I can be there for 15mins or so for the cake cutting. She also said she thinks it's best to celebrate separately and on top of that refused to split the weekend to spend time with her. So not sure how to pitch the idea without sounding like I'm pleading with her?

A friend of mine who got divorced said the first year after the D they did separate Christmas and stuff. After that, his ex asked if they could do them together because it's easier.

My friend did the divorcing so his ex- went from wanting to do stuff separate to doing them together.

I had made plans for D7's birthday, which is next week, and the weekend after it I'll be working out of town. D7 told me today she's having a party on the Sunday after her birthday. I told her I couldn't come and she was very, very upset ... and I feel like dirt.

The problem is in this case I'm not doing it to hurt STBXW. I genuinely have to work to make more money because of the D. But D7 gets caught in the crosshairs.

So if I get asked to come to anything on D7's actual birthday I will do it.

When we first separated we did a family party for each of our families, as always, and we both went to both parties. (Our kids were too little for friend parties)

Now I have my party with my parents and sisters, he has his party with his parents and sisters. BUT, so far, on the actual birthday itself, we get together and have cake just the four of us, bc the kids want a "just our family" party. And it works for us. If I am dating in the future I don't know how that will go. I am fine keeping it just us so I guess if my bf at the time doesn't like it, that is not my priority. My kids are.

Romeo, I read your email and her reply. Don't pack up ANYTHING for her, also tell her it all must be gone by Aug. whatever or she forfeits her stuff to you. Absolutely celebrate 2 birthday's, like one of the people posted on here, she is getting what she wanted, now she will have to buck up and take the bad with it.

Thanks guys and I just finished this draft response but now I read braveheart's email. I'm really torn over the b.day stuff:

draft:

I don't want to piece-meal stuff. Please come over with he movers once and take all your stuff.

As for the b.day you can call her anytime you want even if it's not her b.day but I think she'd really like to share her b.day weekend with you. And in the future I too want to spend a day before or after her b.day if it's your turn to keep her. To clarify where I was coming from I figured you'd invite some people to the b.day party that I have no desire seeing. However, I would like to at least do her b.day as a family even if that means the three of us getting together to cut the cake and just having dinner together for her.

If you are not planning to set up a b.day party for her at all then I will set one up at her school on that Fri. We can take her to the animal farm on Sat that she wanted to go to. Let me know.

Thanks
PS. Have a safe trip.

maybe I am a big meanie, but why tell her to have a safe trip?

here is the outside looking in perspective:
when we, the LBSs, are tooooo accommodating and nice, it looks like we still want the WASs...you know? Like puppy dog eyes.


the rest sounds good!

Thanks NM! I'm feeling spent tonight will continue tomorrow.

Before I go though...the lyrics of these songs just say it all for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsfNLkwVyTE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RhSOx6NPy4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FT4afH8ukk

Goodnight guys.