Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New to this, hoping for advice

im in a similar situation, where i have been sepereted from my husband although he isnt interstate, he lives in another city. I wonder too how would he know anything if i GAL or did the 180.

Like MM78, here to listen and support.

Hang in there. Every day is a step closer to happiness..even if its just baby steps.

I have been waiting for him as he interviewed for a new job in another state so I knew where I should apply for a job. We agreed that it didn't make sense for me to apply until I knew whether he was offered and accepted this new position.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I don't know when I'll be able to go home now as the dates originally planned no longer work, i'll try to find something in a few weeks.

We haven't spoken in two days now and I'm not planning on calling him or answering his calls. The second to last time we spoke he got upset after he asked if I'd heard about any of the jobs I've applied to (I've been applying in different parts of the country) and I told him I heard from a place in our town. He asked why I would consider doing that, that it was a step backward and that our marriage was over and he wants out. Asked why I can't just let him go? Then somehow the conversation turned to the OW and he said "well she hasn't been here" (she lives in another state) and I said "How would I know?' or something to that effect. He was furious and said "you don't believe me!" and I said "No I believe you , but there's no way I could know" and he continued with"no you don't believe me". By the end of the phone call my head was spinning and I was wondering what happened?

Oh and somewhere along he said that he wants ME to file for D!!

It's so frustrating to post something and not get a response from anyone even thought I know there are a lot of others out there too.

Nothing's changed since my last post, i.e. no communication between us (other than a forwarded email from him re our son). This feels horrible especially since one of his complaints was that I don't call him (not true but in the past he called so often I didn't get a chance to call him first). I'm really depressed.

GB,

Ok, first off, what cajones this guy has! You're being underhanded because you wantto come home during the time he has planned for his tryst? Does tatoo tell him when your plane lands?

You have gotten some good advice from Greek. She's kinda the gold STD on the waw mindset. I'm sorry you are here, but this is going to help you become a better person. That sounds trite, but it's the truth. Sometimes a thread will go stale for a few days. It's ok as long as you're reading other threads. The advice is universal in a general sense.

I would start living life on your terms. It's your house. Go there at will. You don't have to say anything to him. Give him a smile and a nice "hi honey" and go about your business. Actually, strike the honey and stick with "hi H".

I think a job in your home town is an excellent idea. You can move back into your house and have your friends close. There is no reason why he should have an easier time than you in seperating.

Mostly, take care of your body. It has direct consequences for your mood. Excersise releases endorphins that will relieve the grief. Plus the more fit you get the more confident you will become.

Good luck. I'll check back soon.

I hope you don't believe him. This sounds to me like a clear sign that he is lying and has something to hide. I have gone through utter hell with my H who I discovered is a pathological lier. Now he is trying to manipulate the situation and make you out to appear as the "bad guy" by asking you to file for divorce. This way he will be able to say it was you and not him. It is disgusting that people can make bad decisions and then try to blame everyone else for theri

Hey GB,

I'm in a situation that's similiar to yours. Me and H have been living apart for the last year, first in different countries, now states.

It seems to me that it's harder to deal when there's a lot of distance involved but like others have said (and will say), much of the advice is universal. It applies to every sitch.

I hope you don't believe him. This sounds to me like a clear sign that he is lying and has something to hide. I have gone through utter hell with my H who I discovered is a pathological lier. Now he is trying to manipulate the situation and make you out to appear as the "bad guy" by asking you to file for divorce. This way he will be able to say it was you and not him. It is disgusting that people can make bad decisions and then try to blame everyone else for their mistakes. It is classic. I don't think you should go into this with blinders...likely he is already having an affair with her and it is not something that he is just contemplating now. I don't know for sure but after what I have been through I feel like I can smell a rat 10 0000km away!

Anyway you have been given great advice and if you can stick to this he will notice and hopefully start to examine his own life a little more and this in turn will help to kickstart the marriage again.

I wish you luck and I hope things work out well for you. I was also very frustrated when I started blogging and nothing would come back. The big things I learned were to try to help others and post on their threads...you will get noticed that way and people will start to look at your sit. and comment. And just keep blogging regularly. It will help to get stuff out and as you accumulate messages people will again notice and start to comment. If you want a good laugh go check out my sit. It is crazy what I have been through but I have come out alive so far!:)

Thanks for your post BG,

Guess I don't feel like I'm knowledgeable enough at this point to post re other's situations.

I appreciate your input. I'm planning on moving back there and getting a job in the next month. I really need an income and don't feel like I can leave my current job until I have another lined up.

This week has been very difficult for me as we are not communicating at all, except for 2 emails re kids/pets from him. I know I shouldn't call him and but not calling or communicating feels like "game-playing" to me, which I hate.

There are so many posts here and I've been reading them, but sometimes it makes me feel depressed and that it's a hopeless situation.

Got to run now, be back later.

Thanks for the post, Greek.

At this point I can't really go back until next month. I already have most of the financial papers here (not the mortgage stuff) but I'm hoping to interview for jobs while I'm there.