Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Heartbroken and needing help!

IB


Hey that works...and when it does not...try a bottle of Jack. Just kidding.

Hey..glad to see that things went okay with the L.


Good now i agree that you ....



God Bless,
Eric

The only reason he couldn't file in your county would be because he hadn't lived in it for a specified period of time. Did he move to another county? Sounds more to me like he saw an attorney and didn't like what he heard. AND, as long as he's paying for it, who cares how many times it gets filed/refiled?

You are right: Information is power. Keep your brain and your heart seperated at all times, no matter how hard that is, even if you have to step back and give it 24 hours of thought.

Thanks E and P!

I am considering my options and not rushing into anything. I feel that by asking him for a proposal provided me with a little bit of relief. It will be interesting to see what he comes up with!

Who knew that emotions could physically wear you down this badly????!!! I have thought recently about taking a LOA ~ but I don't want to put my job in jeopardy. Going to try to create a "narrow path" for my recovery that includes some "extreme self-care" (Like my psychobabble???:)

Hi sweetie, just checking in to see how you are doing.

First things first.

While I know the thought of doing anything legally goes against what you believed in when you took your vows, do what you must to protect yourself financially. I, too, felt it was morally and religiously wrong to file. It cost me my financial future.

I finally realized that it is just a business transaction. The actual vows that I took before God, to love and honor, in sickness and in health, He knows are held in my heart.

IB, you seem to want to follow a specific road throughout this. And when you are dealing with MLC, there are many curves and turns.

There is no right or wrong way, only your way. So, while it is important to try to understand your part in the problems in your marriage, don't get hung up on it. It is far more important for you to try to figure out the things about yourself that you want to change.

And it matters not what stage your h is in. It really doesnt. He is going to go on this journey in his own time and in his own way. Let him.

What I really want for you to know is this. You and I and many people on here have become so wrapped up in our spouses' life, trying to make them happy and we become so entrenched in being a mom or dad, trying to make our kids happy, that we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, and our wants and needs.

And that, I think, is one of the best things to learn from all this. We cannot be responsible for anyone's happiness but our own. And the best thing we can do in a relationship, be it wife or mother is to be whole and to let them find their own way, their own fulfillment. We should be enhancing their lives, not living it. We should be the best person we can be. We should let them find their own way in the world, find their own happiness. Those are the best gifts we can give those we love.

So, become the person you were meant to be. Learn who you are, find your strength, find out what makes you happy. Give your children wings.

As far as your h is concerned, there is no reason to contact him about the house or the kids. If he wants info, he will contact you. He doesnt want responsibilities. He is in crisis and trying to figure this all out. Let him.

You, on the other hand, have an opportunity here. I dont want to see you lose out on it.

This is a journey you were meant to go on, my friend. And it could be a wonderful, fulfilling, life changing one. So, seize it with gusto.

Pretend that your h has gone away and there are no means of communication right now.

Live each day. Really LIVE it.

Thanks B ~

I have spent the last 5 days in the hole ~ and seeing the attorney today allowed me to take one step up the ladder to get out! I do believe (at least a small part of me) there may be an opportunity. I have never been a real risk taker ~ so this journey frightens me. I am really needing healing ~ if I'm honest, from the very first disclosure almost 7 years ago. I am going to take my time.

I needed healing, too. I was broken - for a lot of reasons. I have never been a risk taker either.

I fought this tooth and nail for a long time. I had my head in the sand. I was scared, angry, fearful - you name it.

I did it all wrong for a long time. All wrong.

Then slowly, very slowly, I started getting it. I was still. I listened with my heart.

I took it one small step at a time. I tried outward things to feel better about myself. I lost weight. I changed my hair. I bought new clothes. I took long walks. I learned to enjoy being with myself. I prayed and I thought things through.

And mostly, I just let myself be.

Then things started to become clearer. I realized that there were things about myself I didnt like. I started to change them. A little at a time.

As this was happening, I was letting my h go. Believe me, I used to contact him all the time. Then, a day, two days, four days would go by. Soon a week, then two weeks would go by and I wouldnt be in touch.

I started filling up my days. I was exercising and reading. I started to like the way I was beginning to look. Then I would talk to people more - at the store, in the library. I found that people responded differently to me. I liked it.

I was becoming the person I was meant to be. I grew closer to my son. My world expanded.

And I realized that I didn't need my h to be whole. I didnt need him to make me happy. I just needed me.

It's all a process. It takes as long as it takes.

You just have to have a leap of faith.

Come on, jump!

Wow! Really Really Really GOOD advice Brooklyn. Irish, you really should listen to the experience words. She's 100% right on.

Amazing Brooklyn! You always seem to know the right thing to say. Actually I find that there are a lot evenings when I am home alone or when S is watching a movie in the other room with friends - that I am not bother by the quiet or by being alone. It is a sign to me that I need this time - this silence.

This is nearly exactly what I said to my D when she was last frustrated with me. So true, B. All in our own time.

Irish

Just checking in and seeing you're getting some great stuff from some great ladies.

Everyone goes at this at their own pace.

Brooklyn is right when you just be quiet and listen you hear all sort of things you didn't know were even there.

Everything you seek is inside of you.