Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just found out she already filed

Don't hate me but I remember all of mine. Did I ever tell you my first memory is from the day I was born?(I don't remember my first birthday but from when I was about 1.5, my memory is really very good) Ok, I know not everyone has a super memory but I think as long as you make it special, she will be fine. Remember special doesn't have to equal expensive.

Do you guys still have those giant slides? I used to love riding on those as a kid. We also used to go to the beach and climb cliffs. Take advantage of what is already available. You are going to do fine.

kat

Romeo, I almost replied earlier to say "I think your email sounds too nice..." but then wondered if I was being protective or wanting to hurt your exW! (haha- we DBers look out for each other!) So I refrained. Well then Braveheart nailed it on the head and said what I was thinking!

I also agree 100% with Bluestar's advice.

And the silver lining of divorce for kids is that they get 2+ birthdays, right? So I think you do your thing, she does hers. If your daughter expressed a desire to see both of you together on her day, maybe you can briefly be with her. I don't know.

I swear...it has clicked for me....THEY (our WASs) were selfish and chose to walk away from our marriage. THEY WANTED THIS! So she gets what she asks for...careful what you wish for! You know? We don't owe anything to them, we just need to be conscientious co-parents!

Thanks guys so looks like the general consensus here is to:

1. celebrate DD's b.day separately
2. be direct and firm about the rest

Here's what I have as my final draft:


I have all the bills on autopay from my accounts except trash if they still have your name on them then go ahead and have it removed just make sure they know not to disrupt my service. I'll add $xx.xx to the next alimony check to cover the last and *final* ATT bill from my side.

You need to get your stuff out of the house by Aug xx. I'm not available on the weekend of Jul 31st, so far. Also, before you pick up your stuff I need an email from you stating all household items have been divided and finalized.

As for DD's b.day I've decided I'll make my own plans to celebrate with her. I'm good with splitting the weekend so she can also be with you on her b.day weekend.

School wise I've made an appointment for her to tour XYZ on Aug xx at 3pm. You're welcome to join.

lol! My friends call me Romeo but tt's MR. Romeo to you (stbxw)!

Seriously though....well done! Send it!

Bravo, Romeo!

Nicely done.

Thanks guys...I get a feeling she's going to blow her headgasket on the b.day thing too. You have to remember we're not D'd yet so I try to tread lightly but the deed's done now and we shall see.

My D isn't done yet either but I've made it clear I'll call the shots on whether we'll do things together. She decided she didn't want to be married. You decide what kind of relationship you want to have with her going forward.

So here's her response...don't know why my heart sinks into my stomach whenever I read her emails. I guess it's the anticipation of more pain to come:


You will have to call the trash/water/gas to have your name put on the bills. I already sent you all the phone numbers back in April. I doubt they will disrupt your service but you should call to verify that.

I'll see what I can do about removing some of my furniture from the house in August. If you could box up and leave at the door the little items that I already sent you a list of so that I can pick them up during lunch, that would help faciliate the moving at least of the smaller items.

That's fine about her birthday. I think it would be best that we hold separate celebrations at this point. I'd rather not split the weekend but I would like to be able to talk to her and say happy birthday.

I'll meet you guys at the school on that date then.


I guess I'm not happy that she doesn't want to split the weekend and give her two b.days since I wasn't planning to do anything major like inviting people over. I was hoping she'd do that anyway but if not it'll be a big disappointment for DD.

About the furniture stuff...don't know if I want to pack and move things little by little. She should just come one day with the movers and take whatever she's asking for.

Well boo hoo- you aren't happy with the divorce but that is happening so she could at least compromise a little-- for your DD's B-Day! I mean make an exception, you know?

And her remark about "I'll see what I can do about moving the stuff by August" is just plain snotty and bratty.

I really think you could reply with your suggestion of using the movers to come one day. It's your house now and it is rude of her to leave her stuff there, you know?