His comments were that while we are legally married, he does not feel emotionally married to me. That he feels nothing for me. Then he said that he is pretty confident this wont work out
Great post CD!!
About this quote, right there YOU need to stop the convo. Remember this is all about establishing POWER and CONTROL. Which shows STRENTGH and SELF-RESPECT. After hearing this crap I would instead suggest saying "fine. then when are you moving out???" Take back the power by making it your choice not his.
That's easier said than done with 3 kids and me not working...and money being tight... but yes, I know - no excuses for not standing up to him.
Stop making excuses for yourself, stand up for yourself, get a job, research your job options, possibly jobs where you can work from home or part-time when some family & friends may be able to watch the kids for a few hours if they even need to be watched, if they're old enough to watch themselves, what's holding you back?
Excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.
You want your life to be different, it's up to you do the things that are required to make it different.
Exactly! How much is your sanity and self-respect worth??
Go to court and get a court order having him pay the bills. Happens everyday. If you can't afford a lawyer there are plenty of organizations out there to help. Not to mention you can file the paper work yourself at the CO courthouse. I had 2 friends represent themselves in their own divorce cases.
Well, I just went back to school so I could finish my degree so I can get a decent paying job! I can't make much in today's market having been a Stay at Home mom for most of the past 20 years... and no degree. :-( Makes me feel trapped.
Pearl beat me to it. Definitely, time to go "Robx/Gucci" on his sorry ass.
Puppy
Well, I told him 5-6 weeks ago that he was free to leave. It was somewhat of the Dobson speech in email form... He chose not to leave. He said he wanted to go to counseling. Therefore, I thought we were working on the R and that's why I feel so betrayed by his saying last night that he didn't see it working out....
SO, now, how do I set him free AGAIN? I had already told him that love has to be free - that if he wanted a D that it obviously wasn't what I wanted for our family but that I had no choice but to let him go. He also mentioned separating and "dating" which I said I would not be in an open marriage...
Here he sits - at home - yet I "set him free" but there is no improvement in things and he's only here because of logistics???
How do you set him free again? If you're setting him free again did you really let him go in the first place?
You don't require a 2nd email to accomplish this either. Your position stands, if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, you agree with him, you have decided that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
You made assumptions because he said he wanted to go to counselling, well you know what they say about the word "assume", I'll just leave it at that.
If you haven't already you tell him that you guys should both let the kids know that you are separating. Tell him that he should be part of that discussion with the kids but if he's not man enough to do so, you'll speak to the kids on his behalf. Ask him when he plans on leaving and when he plans on filing for separation or divorce. Those are questions that will make this more real for you and also for him.
I haven't read all of your thread yet or links to old threads, what are his complaints about you and the marriage or do you feel that he is already possibly with someone else? The reason why I ask is that you said that he mentioned separating and "dating", that part makes me think he's already started on that path.
Well, I just went back to school so I could finish my degree so I can get a decent paying job! I can't make much in today's market having been a Stay at Home mom for most of the past 20 years... and no degree. :-( Makes me feel trapped.
Well let's keep your expectations in check, let's start with an almost decent paying job, everybody always has "big eyes" when it comes to getting a job, it has to pay a million dollars otherwise you won't be able to make it. How about cutting your teeth on a job that pays ok so you get used to the idea of working and then continue upgrading your skills and education and get that resume polished up and continue looking for better jobs after that. Getting a job now will get you out of the house, get you in the routine of working and earning for yourself, your self-esteem will start to increase, your self-value and worth will increase, you will feel more independant and strong.
Waiting for that decent-paying job to materialize is not the greatest idea, it won't be hand delivered to you, work for it, start today.
