Par - You gave my some great advice when I was in angst. You seem very angry right now and I undersatand why. NO one likes to be lied to. I let my H's FB page drive me crazy and you said to let it be. Right now, you should let everything be and think about if for a while. I REALLY appreciated your words to me. Let me return the favor.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
I know that your angry... I'm angry too, it's impossible to think about moving forward without your W but we have to do it. I've been asking myself for 4 months now why do I still love my W. After all that she has put me through why do I still care?
Now that I know she is with OM2 and having a full blown R, I had to let go. I can't keep torturing myself with the thoughts. This is the weakest I've ever felt and the darkest place I've ever been. I know that there is something better for all of us LBS's.
We need to learn from our mistakes. We need to continue waking up everyday knowing that today will be better then the last. I truly believe that time heals all. Before you know it you'll meet someone special and your X won't be in your thoughts any longer.
I'll unfortunatley have to deal with my X for my lifetime due to our son. I'd prefer never speaking to her again but that isn't an option.
We will provail you'll see.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I'm a newbie to posting. But I've been reading a lot of posts here for some time. I've been impressed several times when I've read your advice to others. You know all this stuff, but this serves as a lesson to all of us that knowing the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier. It sucks. For every one of us. And it makes you crazy sometimes.
Dude, don't throw in the towel on the forum. Sure, choose whatever forum is right for your situation, but stick it out till the end. These people are your support group right now. And you can vent anytime night and day here. Plus, not every day is going to blow like it dies now. You have the knowlege and ability to help a lot of other folks. Coach is always saying "go do something nice for someone". Well you can do that right here. It helps you too.
That suicide thing is scary. You need people around you who know you and care about you. Like it or not, you got some of that here. But Steve Macqweenis right. Please get a concelor so you don't play those thoughts out ever again.
Much love bro.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Par, there is a realization here that you desparately need to make. You can no longer DB her. You are already divorced. She married another man. No matter what you think of him, he is her husband now. He is probably fighting for her. Of course, she's lying to him about what she's telling you. YOU ARE THE OM in this sitch. This is hard to come to terms with, believe me, I know.
Block her number both for texts and calls. Block her emails. You have to maintain some distance. Go to a IC immediately on Monday. You need to be in counseling over this and may even need some AD's short term. This is what detachment is about. FOCUS ON YOU and only you. Go hit some balls, go out with a friend, take care of you!
Par, there is a realization here that you desparately need to make. You can no longer DB her. You are already divorced. She married another man. No matter what you think of him, he is her husband now. He is probably fighting for her. Of course, she's lying to him about what she's telling you. YOU ARE THE OM in this sitch. This is hard to come to terms with, believe me, I know.
Par: While Blue goes into more depth, this is just what I said on my thread.
The how's and why's of why she is now married to another man need to be left on the curb and taken out with the trash. The only way to move on is to 1) get therapy and 2) let her go.... 100% let her go.
Anger and hate.....That is what ultimately led me here. Par, you need to let go. The anger and hate will eat you up, Trust me. It consumes you. You hate, which brings on more hate. Once you start the downward slide, it will be a long way to get back up. DONT GO DOWN IT. Not only am I fighting for my marriage and kids, I must also dig myself up from years of anger and hate. Its a long road back.
Detach, let go bud.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Thanks guys, I am letting it go. I blocked her phone calls and email, facebook whatever ties that she could contact me on are done unless she calls me at work. I will not contact her. I will not take her calls. I do not want this R to get back. I want it to end and be done with it forever. I could care less about her or what happens to her. She brought this on herself, I don't care if she says that she is not happy. She caused all of this. She is the one that destroyed it all. Not me. I am the one that is going to get over it and live my life like I should. That is my only objective.
